Let the fates decide.

“So where is the keyhole ? I don’t see anything here. Fuck so will it be in the next? So do I just pick the opposite one and then look for a hole? Hmm, think think, you can do this, okay let’s just work it out. Okay, chastity is gone, no surprise. So which one is the opposite of gluttony. Charity, right? Okay patience is the opposite of, fuck, fuck, wait what were the bad ones again? Then again I don’t even know if I’m supposed to pick the opposite, sure I did last time and I think I was going to get out but I didn’t find any kind of treasure, and I definitely didn’t see any keyholes. Not to mention this last gluttony test there wasn’t really a test I just let them have fun and got a gift. Oh, unless not putting on the belt was the test. Fuck I don’t think pairs are the key unless you can’t get out until you complete every single pair.”

“Okay focus. Right, so like last time, ugh, so what did I say... hmm... so not kindness, it is probably being nice to a **** or some shit. Definitely not diligence it is a new one so can’t be right. Humility is not bragging right? Temperance is the booze thing right, that one sounds stupid. Fuck and charity will mean giving up all my stuff. So ugh I can’t actually be picking patience, I’ll be in there forever I just know it. Fuck fuck fuck. Why am I so stupid, there is clearly a pattern why can’t I see it. Fuck it I’ll just spin around and go in at random.” You spin around with your eyes closed, then open to see staring at you is. Temperance. “Aah. Fuck, ok this time I’ll go through it I swear.” You spin around again and see. Humility. “But that one is stupid.” You say stomping a few times quickly. Spinning the third time you say a little prayer then stop and open your eyes and see you are pointing at, charity.

“Fine.”

You open the door and are shocked to see something completely different. There is a hot noonday sun and you begin sweating instantly, especially in your hot leather pants and jacket. You are standing on a carved stone bridge over a flowing river roughly 20’ across. The bridge is low, solid, and seems very sturdy stone. Behind you the bridge leads to an open but cultivated field of what looks like maybe beans. The other side is a small walled stone city. “Leather fucking pants, you’ll look cool. This place is setting me up to fail I swear.” Just then your little inner French maid magical adviser informs you that if you meditate on your spells for an hour or so you can swap your magic weapon spell for one that will protect you from the environment for 24 hours. “Nice.” You decide to do that before going anywhere and hide under the bridge for shade. While you are resting, you don your weapon belt and holster your 1911, cocked and locked, before pulling out and making ready your rifle. Then it occurs to you. “Oh fuck which way should I go? I was thinking charity, go help the poor in the city, easy. But what if it’s go help the farmers? Fuck.”