Kurenai was a source of fun

You look at Kurenai, expecting to see kind teacher that had taught Team 8, but all you see is a woman who looks small despite her straight posture.

​"A hush money," you repeat, the words feeling dirty.

​Kurenai finally turns her gaze toward you, her crimson eyes shimmering with a dull, painful clarity. "Yes. It's convenient. Keeps me from becoming a political liability." She looks back at the small gravestone, her voice dropping to a whisper. "Sometimes, when I’m sitting alone in my apartment at night, I don't feel like a grieving widow. I feel like a whore."

​You flinch at the word. "Don't say that, Sensei. You loved him."

​"Did I?" she asks, and the question is so sudden, so sharp, it makes you freeze. She lets out a jagged breath, her hand trembling as it brushes against the cold stone of Asuma’s marker. "I did. But did he? Lately, I’ve been looking back at the times we spent together. All those nights in the shadows and the secret meetings."

​She lets out a hollow, self-mocking laugh.

​"But thinking back... there was no real reason to keep it a secret. We were both adults. We were both respected ninja. There's such a thing called official courtship. But he didn't. He kept me in that gray area where I was available but unofficial."

​"You think he was using you?" you ask, your voice low.

​"I think I was a source of fun for him," she says, her voice devoid of its usual warmth. "A comfortable place to land between missions. He got to have a 'wild' side without ever having to face the consequences of his family's traditions. And now? Even if I want to find out whether he loved me or not, it's too late. And whatever you, Team 8 or Team 10 or whoever, says, it's just nice words intending to comfort me."