Kono Suba! Hentai Protagonist Penis!!

“Okay, I pick you.” he declared with quiet satisfaction as he got to his feet and pointed at her.

She stared at him for a long time with a chip pressed to her lips before her eyes focused upon the crumpled sheet he held in his other hand, “All right, stand there and don't leave the magic circle-”

Her holy magic erupted all around him, pulsating and thrumming with gathering power that made his hand throb, destroying the paper he'd absently been clutching.

The light show relented slightly as Aqua paused as his non-conforming words suddenly registered, “Eh? What did you just say?”

What happened next was a joy for Kazuma to behold as another scantily clad goddess appeared to grant him his request. His rude attendant freaked right the hell out as they were both lifted up into columns of light and cast from this place by this quite polite and really rather kind seeming newcomer.

How come he couldn't have got her in the first place?

Satou Kazuma was feeling pretty good for having recently expired due to embarrassing circumstances. This town, called Axel, was a fine peaceful community and it was a genuine pleasure wandering while pondering the possibilities of his new life as hero in a fantasy world. He only had two complaints at the moment, the rather annoying and disappointingly useless goddess following him around and fact that his crotch was distinctly sweaty and uncomfortable, strange for such cool pleasant weather. When he thought about it, he became even more frustrated because there had been all those cool (if perverted) powers to choose from and yet he'd picked Aqua, the goddess who was supposed to be the ultimate tool for his convenience.

That had been a bust and now the perpetually whining girl felt like an anchor rather than a leg up in this world.

She hadn't even been able to tell him where the Adventurer's Guild was so he could get some starting intel on just how he should go about doing things around here. Yet he had found it! Here they were standing before a quite large and prosperous looking building.

"Looks like this is the place." he said as they walked up to the large double doors.

For some reason Aqua held herself and shivered like they were about to enter a dungeon, muttering, "Scary!"

He rolled his eyes, pushed the doors and went inside.

Ha! Kazuma felt his heart swell with excitement at the big tavern hall seemingly filled with all types of interesting adventurers. This was exactly the type of place he'd been imagining and he found that he couldn't wait to start having a lot of fun mixing it up with this rowdy bunch. He was filled with an unreasonable confidence that his past disastrous social explorations in his old world would not be repeated in a reality so clearly derived from the games he reveled and excelled in.

A cute waitress turned with her hands filled with flagons of beer and a smile to greet them, "Welcome! If you're here to eat, please take any open seat! If you need job guidance, head to the counter inside."

He thanked her with a wave as she walked over to deliver her drinks to a table with a party of adventurers he thought he recognized from earlier. Yep, there was the pointed ear elf. Huh. He still hadn't caught sight of a beautiful elf-maiden but he was keeping his eyes peeled. Were there mermaids? He'd definitely seen a cutie with cat ears earlier. This was going to be so great!

"Hey." Called out a deep masculine voice from a table nearby and a big muscular tank-like guy looked over his huge shoulder at them, "Haven't seen you around here before." He pointed and Aqua actually went "EEEK!"
"What's with those weird clothes?"

Heh. A wanderer from beyond known lands was often a protagonist and Kazuma didn't even need to think about it as he stepped forward with an easy smile, "Oh, we've come a long way and we just got into town. I want to become an adventurer and fight the Devil King's army, too."

The warrior huffed with amusement and smirked, "Is that right, you reckless punk?" He abruptly shouted with gusto, "Welcome to the gates of HELL!!"

With a thumb he gestured, "If you're looking for the guild admission desk, it's right over there!"

Kazuma thanked the rough looking guy even as he appreciated his hilarious by normal standards outfit consisting of armor around his neck and shoulders while being shirtless and wearing suspenders to hold up his pants.

He headed over to the desk, making it half way across the room before Aqua asked him to stop so she could ask, "How can you make up a story like that on the spot?"

"Listen Aqua. Today we will register with the guild and find a place to stay for the night."

She nodded intently, "Got it. I- I don't know anything about games... but I guess that's how it works in worlds like this, huh?"

He pointed at her, "Exactly." He was in his natural element and it felt good to be relied on by a goddess even a useless one, "All right. Let's go."

He turned and walked as she said, "Oh wait. You seem like such a capable guy."

Kazuma inwardly winced as she went on with no filter on her mouth like a normal person at all, "Why were you a shut in otaku with no friends or girlfriend before? Why did you seclude yourself everyday and act like a shut-in NEET?

He kept walking and raised his voice, "Stop calling me a NEET, you bitch! Don't lump shut-in and NEET together!

Aqua was unfazed by his demand, muttering to herself, "Did that mega penis I gave you fill you with supreme competence as well? I don't remember that in the description..."

Kazuma kept his attention on the desk as he approached it even as he felt like the goddess had just said something weird that he should think about some more.

The woman behind the desk was very pretty and Kazuma found himself mentally saying the word 'boobs' over and over again as she said, "Hello! What can I do for you today?"

"Um..." Jiggle "We'd like to become adventurers."

Bounce "I see." She smiled and cocked her head to the side. Wobble "In that case, you will first need to pay the registration fee." Bounce

Jiggle"Sure. Sure." he said before it occurred to him that he didn't have any money that he knew of, "Huh. Registration fee?" He turned to the useless one who might prove herself to be otherwise, "Do you have any money?"

She shook her head. He sighed. Still a pointless character whose main addition to the party was fan service which was useless because she followed behind. "You dragged me here without warning. Of course I don't."

He narrowed his eyes at her.

Aqua took offense to this with a scowl before scoffing and saying something absurd, "Just use your penis on her. Isn't that the first resort for a shut-in otaku like you?"

Kazuma blinked. She had just said something like, 'Use the diamond medallion we just acquired in the last dungeon to get past this obstacle.' Like his genitals were a quest item he could activate at this juncture. His eye began to twitch.

That had been loud and the nice lady had definitely heard what she'd just said.

He turned back to her with a fake smile and laugh, "Haha! Isn't she so funny! Haha! We'll be back! Thank you!"

He dragged Aqua to a table far away this terrible moment, quietly seething. Definitely the opposite of useful. He found himself wondering if he wouldn't be better off ridding himself of her. Checking once again to see that all of the tables around them were empty, he ranted at her. He called her names, waved his arms in the air passionately, and asked her why the hell she had just done that.

She tapped her lip with one finger, ignoring his tirade, and acting like her actions were totally acceptable, "Hentai Protagonist Penis. That's what you chose. I was a bit worried there at the beginning when you cheated and got me pulled along too. I was sure you wanted to enact your perverted fantasies on my holy body with it. But then I remembered I couldn't possibly be affected."

It was slowly dawning on Kazuma as the goddess monologued, "So go use it on the attendant and get her to waive the fee for us!"

Kazuma stared at her and felt like the vein in his head was throbbing. He thrust up a finger, telling her to wait. Then he carefully slid both of his hands under the table and pulled at the waistband of his pants.

Ah. He was currently equipped with a large meaty dong. His previous more modest weapon seemed to be missing.

He released his pants and for one long moment he felt a thrilling exhilaration once again. Living out a new life in a fantasy world, filled with scantily clad cuties, AND an enormous penis!

"Ah! There's that dirty hentai face. That fits my preconceptions better!" remarked Aqua brightly. She cast her arms out and bounced in her seat, sending her own perky endowments jiggling, "Now go forth and make my stay on this dreary world comfortable!"

Aqua had a strong ability to depress him. "Um. What do you expect me to do with this... thing you gave me exactly?" He remembered reading the so called abilities of the Hentai Protagonist Penis. Things like always fitting in its entirety despite the rules of anatomy. Turning women into quivering piles of well-satisfied orgasms. Those sorts of things. Sex things. And while he certainly, hadn't read the whole list in the short time he'd had it, he couldn't really see how it would be at all useful in the current situation.

She frowned at him like he was missing something completely obvious, "Any number of things! I hardly think I should have to spell them out to you, the otaku hentai, and me, the holy pristine goddess!"

Kazuma stared at Aqua glumly. He had the distinct impression that this goddess's alignment was not Lawful Good. Not Neutral Good, either. And, honestly, probably not Chaotic Good either......