Kevin Date 1, Part 2: Arcade Games

Kevin

Mona is pouting. She decided to be this game’s equivalent of a Dan main and then expected to be as good as someone playing a non-joke character. The Lucian character he settled on is kind of hot (both literally and figuratively) and Kevin quickly turned the first few matches of learning the system into curb stompings.

Still, dinner cheers her up. She devours her nachos. He is frankly quite surprised. Mona doesn’t complain about the veggies in them at all. Granted, his nachos have the same vegetables in them and it tastes good. He has to watch his guacamole; Mona keeps trying to swipe his when she thinks he isn’t looking. Soon enough, they are both full (and Mona ate half of his guac).

Mona: Daily Bonus Objective complete! Follow Diet During Date (+10 BP)

“We didn’t get a lot of tickets from the fighting game.”

He looks at the small ribbon of arcade tickets in his hand. The cabinet only spat out one ticket per multiplayer loss and two per win. It promises more tickets for the single player mode, but that may risk Mona failing that video game weekly. “Maybe if we play something co-op? Or an asynchronous competition game, like skee-ball?”

Mona points to a light-gun cabinet, “Wanna try TF Crisis, whatever that is?”

They each grab a plastic toy gun and start the game. It’s kind of wild. Apparently, this game is based on a pretty common Harem Hotel challenge. The contestants are given a gun and told to go shoot someone back home and give them a transformation. The implications are a little disturbing. Of course, the developers had to gamify it by adding extra enemies to shoot and turn the final target into a boss fight. Some stages (like Santa Claws) are stealth missions, where you have to shoot directions to sneak around instead. Those turn out to be kind of boring and poor ticket payouts. So, after a few rounds, they decide to brave the harder shooter levels.

Tina, Titan of Tank-slaying is based on Tina’s challenge submission. Kevin has never been to Gamblin’, Nevada, but he did remember in History class about the day the Army blew up that town’s city hall around when he was born. The in-game Tina is hopping on rooftops, shooting cops and gangsters alike. There was this random mini-game about shooting ducks while Tina uses magic to write an ad in the air using clouds? The final bit was hectic, as a dozen gangsters await. As soon as they are able to transform them, a wall blows out and soldiers start pouring in. The tank keeps destroying their cover and they only get brief moments to take pot-shots against it between waves. Eventually, the far wall collapses and in-game Tina makes a run for it, falling into what looks to be a shipping container filled with Jello? City Hall collapses, then they have to line up a sniper rifle shot just right to win.

“Phew,” Mona exclaims, “that was awesome and weird. I wonder how much of that was real?”

“At least some of it,” Kevin answers, reminding Mona about that one lesson in History.

Mona blanches, “Really? So, when Tyalangan said they were from our world, they made impacts on it that we could have learned about in school?”

“Guess so. Want to try the other hard level featuring our staff?”

“Sure, but my arm is getting tired. Let’s play something else after.”

Mission: Impossible is based on Mattie’s challenge submission. Mona is drooling way more about the enemies this time. Cultists in robes with tentacles coming out of them, almost straight out of Occupant Vile Four. That can’t be real, can it? Mattie admittedly looks badass in the brief cut-scenes, dispatching baddies with what looks like shotgun blasts from a revolver? Definitely not standard issue armament for the US Army, whatever she was using. The baddies swarm through windows as they stalk through hallways. The rooftop is literally insane as the in-game Mattie makes a bunch of quick turns to deal with dozens of cultists climbing up on the roof in all directions. The boss fight is literally about mowing down wave after wave of baddies to clear the way for a sniper rifle shot to the biggest baddest tentacle guy of them all. The boss health meter calls it Gorglonoth, the Hive Graft. Hmm... we have a name to research.

Mona whines and shakes her arms out after the intense light-gun firefight. “I don’t know how you guys do that.”

“What?”

“Hold a gun like that at the range for so long.”

“Oh, these are light compared to the pistols we use. And there is no kickback.”

Mona pouts a little, “Don’t remind me of that! I was almost feeling accomplished.”

Grabbing the much longer ribbon of tickets, Kevin notes, “Hey, you did better than me on my first day at the range. Don’t cut yourself short. What next?”

Mona points at a cabinet entitled Genesis Response. It has button set-ups for six different players. “Oooh, a beat ‘em up! I wonder what game they perverted for it?”

“Let’s find out.”

Andromeda

The text from Kevin was unexpected. A name, a title, a lead: “Ask Mattie about Gorglonoth, the Hive Graft.”

Tessa and Gaia went to plot and scheme about the former teacher’s upcoming date, giving Andromeda an evening to herself, which was appreciated. She planned on just relaxing, maybe goldfishing her deck a little, but a lead is too good to sit on.

She heads to the library. The cacophony of noise erupting from it nearly makes Andromeda turn back. Alex and Daphne are sitting there, the former with her magic music axe, the later with a lute?

“Hey, dudette. We can always go back to our pad if we are too noisy.”

Andromeda shakes her head. “I can always take my book up to my room, once I get it. Which in the pile there has the most information on Gorglonoth, the Hive Graft?”

Alex looks a bit confused, but Daphne picks up the slack, “I guess someone found a hint somewhere? Ol’ Gorgly is one of the prisoners in the core of your world. It’s mostly neutralized. Permission to stop learning the lute long enough to help Andromeda out, my valkyrie-wife?”

Alex smirks, “Denied. You are learning to play so you can make friends. Work on that C-chord. I’ll get the dudette squared away.”

Daphne grumbles as she plucks away at the lute. It’s... not great.

“Do I want to know?”

“Daph has been trying to impress this little gremlin named Gina in her smut review fan club. It got me shot, which was a mild annoyance. We are trying to redirect her a little to make healthier friends. Anyways, Gorglonoth, the Hive Graft, huh? Let’s see...”

Andromeda follows Alex through the stacks, the later humming a tune she doesn’t recognize. “Wait, shouldn’t the book you are looking for be in the stack you already compiled for me?”

“No. I pulled books on active horrors beyond space and time. Gorglonoth, the Hive Graft is considered to be rendered harmless, or, at least, as harmless as Lovecraftian monsters can become. Still, reading about it might be helpful.”

Andromeda considers this. Why hide this from us? “Explain why this creature’s information wasn’t included.”

“You need to understand that we have spent decades collating information about these things. Every arcane tome from every dimension we could scour for the scraps of clues we could find. We have more books on such things here than on smut, which is a rarity for a Hotel library. The pile of books I gave you are the ones I thought would be most helpful. Trust me, dudette, we want you to succeed.”

“That doesn’t exactly explain why this likely known associate of our foe was excluded.”

“It’ll make sense when you read.” Then Alex stays silent for the rest of the way. The only noises are footsteps and badly rendered C-chords.

What was handed to Andromeda was not a book, but a military dossier as thick as her thigh. The logo stamped on it is vaguely familiar: a grim reaper. The words stamped over it in bold red ink is legible English: TOP SECRET FOR OFFICIAL EYES ONLY.

“What is this?”

“After action report dealing with the fallout of what Mattie apparently did during our old season’s second challenge. You’d have to ask her for all the deets, dudette.”

Andromeda thanks the goth rocker girl and heads back up to her room. She opens the file. The contents disturb her. Decades of recorded instances of a cult of Gorglonoth. Abductions. Sacrifices, some animal, some human. Murders. Black rituals. All to find more acolytes, more worshipers of a many-tentacled beast that wishes to spread itself across all of humanity.

The interviews are the worst. Friends of cultists talking about how they would disappear, abandoning their old lives, only to return in body bags, if at all. Cult novices with uncontrollable zeal, wishing to earn their first grafting. Cult acolytes, all muted, at least one patch of something inhuman stitched into them, speaking as if their old self was a thing separate from them, answering only to the name Gorglonoth.

Well before the time she got to the last few pages, she was glad she no longer needed food or sleep. She would have definitely hurled by now. A final incident report. A covert US Army action against a cell of cultists in New Orleans. The military was operating domestically like this? There, in the chain of command, a name stands out, for a couple of reasons. For one, it is the only name not listed as KIA. For the other, it looks familiar: Captain Matilda McMattersen, Head of Field Analysis. Listed as MIA.

The typed out summary makes the mission look like an utter failure, solved by a fluke. The Army troops sent to take out the cell were too few. The cultists swarmed, first taking out the army’s magic defenses (They have anti-magic technology?), then power in general. All bodies of troops accounted for, save Captain McMattersen. Cultists all found dead, the cause of **** ruled as sudden severe anaphylactic shock. Investigations into other suspected cells of the cult were found filled with dead cultists, who all seemed to die at the same time and due to the same anaphylaxis. The report makes a final note that this could be an “H-event” given that the time of cultist **** roughly matches several disparate events (other locations noted as New York City; a rural Texas border town called Aldea de Perros; Indianapolis, Indiana; Gamblin’, Nevada; and rural eastern Washington state) involving massive spikes in magic use. The spike was particularly large in Gamblin’, Nevada. There are cross-references to other files.

Something handwritten follows, punctuated with a smiley face: “Definitely an H-event. Made Ol’ Gorgly a deadly allergen to all of humanity. Since it’s whole deal is to take over sentient creatures it has chunks of itself grafted onto, it really can’t do anything unless it can get off Earth. I did my part; now it’s your turn, Almach. Or Abode Solo. Maybe Sis? Anyways, buy me a Coke or something when you read this.”

Andromeda sits back to think for quite a while. Okay, what did I learn here? This is more evidence that the threat is real, but it is still coming from the Hotel, so it won’t likely convince Tegan. The military has defenses against magic. This enemy was smart enough to take out those defenses first. Knowing the enemy is very helpful, as it allows for solutions to be found. Killing isn’t always required. The Hotel’s magic CAN affect them. I need more information, but this is a start.

One of her stolen bras appear on her head. Andromeda shrugs, sticks both it and the dossier in her inventory, then starts her stand-by mode. She has spells to scribe.

Mona

The beat ‘em up game was fun. Just like in that commercial Mona saw yesterday, it seems that this harem was assembled to save their world from a being known as The Architect, which is definitely in the top 10 list of creepy occupations to address a bad guy by. Mona squeezed down her own pending conflict with whatever unknowable thing she’ll need to defeat to save her world and instead had fun with Riot’s explosion powers (repeatedly making sure Kevin’s Oracle was in range of her special to blow away the MILF’s clothes).

Mona still didn’t recognize the original game, but it was from an era of arcade games where using specials cost you health. This would have been annoying, but they have infinite quarters. They beat the game, giggling about the bad translations (that were surely left in as references to the original game).

“Genesis Response, WELCOME TO DIE!” Kevin mimics.

“YOU SHALL MEET WITH MY WRATH!” Mona quips back.

“Wanna try some skee-ball next? I was always good at skee-ball.”

“Sure,” Mona replies.

They approach two of the machines, side by side. The game seems simple enough. Mona is supposed to almost bowl a ball down the lane; a little ramp thing is at the end and the ball is supposed to launch off of it into this caged target thing. Different holes lead to different points.

Mona starts bowling them. First one fell just short of the outermost ring. No points. Second one got a little more oomph and landed on the good side of the outermost ring. 10 point. Her third throw is bad, but her fourth randomly landed in the 30 point circle! Then she scores on her next three attempts! The last two throws are duds, but 80 points is not too bad for a first attempt. Yay, me!

Then she turns to the side to see a very frustrated Kevin. His machine actually got dented with his last throw, the ball smacking the outside of the cage. He got 60 points. I beat Kevin! Yay! But, be a good sport, Mona. Don’t rub it in.

Kevin notices his loss anyways, “Wow, that sucked! My whole throw is off with this extra height and weight. I’m going to change to Caoimhe and try again.”

Mona sees the clock and needs to stop Kevin from swapping. Wait! Kevin’s surprise! “You know, Kevin, there are other games we could play that leans into your sexy bull muscliness. How about the punching bag thingy?”

Kevin cocks an eyebrow, but shrugs. He joins Mona at the boxing game. It has one of those hangy ball bags like you see the boxer punch rapidly in the movies. Two-player mode gives each player 3 rounds of 15 second to hit the bag as hard as you can as quickly as you can. Again, seems simple enough. Or it would be if I wasn’t so short! Mona kind of needs to jump to even have a chance to hit the bag. Her first round has her barely graze the bottom of the bag once.

Kevin steps up. He is certainly tall enough to reach the bag easy enough. And he is way faster with his punch. His first round rattles the machine. Three hits hard enough to knock the bag thingy all the way to the top of the machine. “Okay, that was pretty cool.”

Mona fails to even reach the bag her second attempt. Kevin was a little off with his first punch, but the next two are solid. He picks Mona up to let her get a decent hit in; the bag thingy doesn’t move for her, but she at least gets some points. Kevin barely tries on his third round, but the damage is already done.

Mona’s efforts did not generate any tickets, but Kevin’s performance got the machine to spit out a bunch. He smirks and sees the bell-ringer game, “Want to see me destroy that next?”

“Oooh, yes, please!”

He offers the hammer to Mona first. She gives it a good overhead swing and the weight thingy goes about a third of the way up. Some tickets spit out. Kevin steps up and gives it a couple of goes. His first smash was a little off-center and the weight thingy ONLY goes about halfway up. His second hit is more accurate and he rings the bell. He collects his tickets and a coupon for a free magic stuffie at the prize counter, excluding the giant dragon.

The coupon, of course, gives Mona the idea of trying the claw machine. The plushies within are all mundane and the machine isn’t going to give away tickets, but she still wants to give it a few tries. Ophelia deserves a little present!