Keep The Apple

I shook my head again.

"I'll keep the Apple," I announced confidently.

"What was that, you'll have to speak up..." Monty again accosted me with the microphone.

"I said, I'll Keep the Apple."

The Crowd booed angrily, in accordance with the flashing sign that commanded it.

"Nope... nope, none of that, folks, He's got a feeling. Let's go up here to these two lovely ladies..." The host turned and moved away from me, back up the aisle to the two costumed women clutching wallets.

"So... Same offer for BOTH of you. I'll give you that Thousand years... in exchange for your wallet. Now you have a Guaranteed Thousand years of worship... Or maybe what's behind the curtain."

The crowd again screamed "Curtain" Loudly, and I was amazed at how hard it was not to shout along with them. The energy was infectious as the two women looked back and forth between their hands and the stage.

"Nikki... do you want the wallet, or the worship?" Monty leaned close to her conspiriatorially.

"I'll take... I'll take the wallet!" Nikki Cheered to the roar of the crowd in approval.

"Ok, Nikki! Open it up!" Monty smiled, his face a bright and cheery grin. The woman eagerly whipped open the small leather item and cheered wildly as a single year of worship was revealed for everyone to see.

"Ok... so... Nikki... Nikki... Stop screaming... Ohhhkay...." Monty laughed, hugging the woman back eagerly. "So... you can pick either of our two curtains here... but what if... what if I was to offer you another thousand years of Worship, just to call the whole thing off? Two Thousand years of worship, and I'll even give you a peek behind Curtain Number one. Jay?"

The blue and white striped curtain flew open to the sound of harps and revealed a large board a picture of a small white box with a picture of A woman in a blue robe on it. The box had "Miss Virgin" written on it.

"That's the Miss Virgin Brand Morning After Pill. Not only reverses the effects of regrettable encounters, but through our patented retcon technology, will remove your baby daddy from the timeline completely! Endorsed by the one and only "Virgin" Mary, now you too can gain the respect and desirability that only a dedicated virgin can have. Side Effects may include nasty rumors, constant jokes, and a tendency to be thought of as that stuck up bitch."

"OOoooh... Eternal Virginity whenever you want it. All the fun, none of the consequences. Now... that suggests something, Nikki. Course, What if I was to offer Two Thousand Five Hundred years of Worship to call the whole thing off?"

Nikki bit her lip, and began looking back and forth from the crowd to where the hostess ran her hand across the top of the display box. The crowd continued to shout, some now screaming curtain, others yelling Worship.

"I want... I want Eternal Virginity!" NIkki cheered as the crowd roared in approval.

"OK... she's taking the virginity... thank you for the wallet my dear... now, let's see what we've got behind the display!"

The sound of harps again played as a huge array of banners was unveiled behind the sliding panel.

"It's Many Names! That's right, numerous names for the young fashionable goddess! You too can change your presence and identity to suit local desires. Included are such names going back to the neolithic period, all of which are ascribed to you! But that's not all!"

Nikki Clapped her hand over her mouth in shock as the banners parted to reveal a gorgeous set of archery equipment, set against wooden paneling, and placed upon clear plastic displays on a table.

"The Cyclops Forge Recurve Bow. The most popular traditional bow among Gods! The reflex/deflex design of the limbs allows a recurve to shoot arrows fast. The larger size of the riser makes a recurve bow stable in hand for no handshock. Offered as one-piece you find THIS traditional recurve to be a perfect match for your arm strength and frame. Highly recommended for the beginner Goddess as they require little to no Industrial base for construction. Comes with A Phaesporia Brand Night Vision, for night shooting! And what better way to use that bow... than with a line of lovely CLOTHING!"

Nikki gasped with delight as the Bow was rolled out of the way to reveal a small group of women all dressed in identical Knee length tunics.

"That's Right! Twenty Amnisides Nymphs on Permanent contract for you as a security detail. Amnisides K9 unit is the absolute best in the business when it comes to night time security. And you're going to need that security detail while you are on your appointment with the Weavers of FATE, who will provide you with the Hunting gear fit for a young upcoming goddess. Knee length tunics as well as some of the finest footwear that has ever been seen. All brought to you by The Weavers of Fate, your local union producer of fine fashionable sportswear. Weavers of Fate. It's Destiny. All together, this prize package is worth over ten THOUSAND years of Worship!"

"So... I bet you're feeling pretty good here, Nikki." Monty smiled, placing his hand on Nikki's shoulder, who merely nodded dumbly. "Can you believe it? What was that?"

"I can't..." Nikki gasped, covering her face again with her hands. "I mean it's..."

"Well, they're yours, and I'm sure you'll think of something. So, you go ahead and sit back down, and I'll go back over here to Carla... Who doesn't seem to be all that happy about the curtain anymore."

Carla stood again, her white apron and chef's hat spattered with huge amounts of stains and wear. She shook her head, her eyes on her wallet now a bit fearful.

"Well, I tell you what I'm going to do. I'm going to make you a better offer than I made her. Three Thousand years of worship. Here..."

Monty pulled three blue bills from his pocket, each of them marked with a large thousand symbol. He pressed it into Carla's hand and her fingers closed on them eagerly.

"Now... You have it in your hand. You can keep your three thousand years of worship... simple, basic praise that you can turn however you like, or you can take a chance on the curtain... because I know there's only one year in that wallet."

The crowd SHRIEKED Madly, and Carla's face contorted. Her eyes closed tightly, and I thought I could see what looked like tears at the corners. Her hands clutched at both of the prizes, fingers whitening with eagerness as she looked back and forth between the two.

"I need a decision here, Carla..." Monty Smiled again, extending the microphone. Just as Carla began to speak he pulled it away again. "Quickly! I know it's tough, but you have to decide! Three thousand years, or the curtain!"

"I'll take... I'll take the worship!" Carla shouted into the microphone, shoving the wallet into Monty's hand with ****. He smiled in response, and opened the wallet, holding up the one symbol adorned bill for the cheers of the audience.

"Ok... So, three thousand years. Must be feeling pretty good about that, Carla... but let's see what you gave up!"

The curtain peeled apart to the sounds of harps, revealing what looked like a Blue Telephone Police Call Box.

"It's a New TAR-DIS!"

Carla slapped her hand over her face with a wail of frustration as the announcer continued. While he did so, a woman proceeded to open the door of the police box, walk around it, stroke its sides and generally make it look far too appealing while the music played happily.

"The Gallifreyan TARDIS! This elegant time machine features British styling, and more legroom than you could ever need. Thanks to our impressive Time Lord design, this vehicle of the gods can travel forwards backwards, slantways, and even to fictional universes! An Elegant framing device able to tell any story, and remix it to whatever agenda you currently need pushed on a mandatory government run channel! The Gallifreyan TARDIS Retails for Ten thousand, forty two years of Worship, but we're including tax, title and license bringing the value of this prize package to... Twelve Thousand Five Hundred and Forty Two Years!"

Carla groaned with frustration, burying her face in the three little bills that she'd received as a prize.

"Ohh... oh wow... but you still have three thousand years of basic worship, Carla, And I don't want to see you go away empty handed, so I'll throw in the Eternal Virginity as well," Monty shook Carla's hand, who looked at him in response with tears flowing down her face. "So, that's not too bad, and it was wonderful to have you here, on Let's Make A Deal."

"Ok... Coming up, we've got a fun little deal involving more surprises, so don't touch that Dial!"