KOTAKI???

“I’ve heard that she had nearly all creative control on the project.” Samuel interjects.

“Yeah I heard that myself in a Kotaki interview. Apparently she got real fed up with how the previous games made her desexualised and all feminist and all that.” Both the boys sigh at this as they remember the disaster which were the European tomb raider. “I mean what do you expect in a non Canadian game y’know. I’m happy it’s returning to its roots though.”

The conversation dies down again as they both just stare at the British slut dressed in her typical sexualised garb.

“Ok we obviously don’t have any outfits. Why don’t we just play the game again. You retard and stop drooling over her fat mommy milkers”

Aaron shouts kind at him angrily.

LARA

for fucks sake. This is gonna take forever isn’t it. This was exactly the reason I don’t like dressing fancy and going to ball rooms.

The dressing sexy and hungry gross lears I’m fine with. It’s the respect I get which pisses me off. If they knew what I had just done a mere 12 hours ago. I really do wonder how they would’ve reacted haha.

I’m currently in my limousine being driven by my chauffeur for my latest piece to be revealed in the British museum. I’m not really into the entire posh press interviews. I’d rather do without it in all honesty. But it was something that was also inevitable. It was the cost of being an incredibly famous adventurer. And currently video game developer.

But the only thing on my mind was the faces of all these posh wankers. If they were to see what I’d spent all day losing yesterday. If only they knew that I spent 5 hours on my knees on an uncomfortable concrete floor huffing and inhaling the stale sweat of a gross fans balls. God they’d be pissed. Not that I cared about the opinions of stupid feminists or sexual puritans. I wanted to make that clear on the cover of Wogue Magazine that I featured l. Last Tuesday.

“Lara Croft comes clean about political beliefs” well that wasn’t quite the name of the article but the world saw it as that. She had spent a lot of money to make sure that the magazine didn’t leave any parts out of her interview. She had also spent a good long time talking about ideas such as feminism and Political correctness in her new magazine. She even teased the idea of running for president. A little joke she had made based on the fact she comes from the UK. But hey if it sparked outrage it might take off.

Of course this didn’t mean it didn’t come without its controversies. Being nicknamed the “New queen of the alt-right and the sexy possible fascist” these were just nick names for her though by her enemies. Although that isn’t to say she didn’t want to things further.

Making a video game was an obvious choice. After all who else could I appeal to other than the sweaty racist alt-right gamer. I mean they pretty much loved me after my announcement to “let it all out. And speak my truth” and i couldn’t pretend I wasn’t also attracted to those disgusting ogres too. After all I love my fans hehe.

But it needed to be more. Sure it was great that they were starting to listen to me. They know knew that I loved being sexualised. And I was totally ok with the things they said about me on twitter. But they needed to have more encouragement. Because in truth. It wasn’t that I was okay with it. It was because I wanted it. No I needed it infact.

But back to the matter at hand, I was about to attend a celebration of my retrieval of the work renowned “Eye Of Memphis” one of the most mysterious archaeological relics in the whole of America.

It was said to pf been able to change the mind the one holding it. Not change morals or beliefs. No it doesn’t change that at all. Instead it is said that it gives the holder the “confidence” I guess or the encouragement I should say. To seek their own desires and see to it that they become reality.

Of course this was probably a bunch of bullshit. Probably just some stupid superstition that those barbaric natives came up with probably in respond to us British invading their land haha.

i mean. Come on. Of course it doesn’t do any of that. And hey even if it did. I don’t care. It’s not like I care what it does to me. I’ve always been like this anyway. It’s just made me more confident in my ideas anyway

The eye was actually currently attached to a chained necklace dangling in front of me on my beautiful white chest. It looked beautiful. Glistening on my rack. Shining and sending light that reflected on it in a million different directions. It almost looked as good as the rest of my body. But not quite haha.

The car suddenly halted to a stop. That was when I realised to my dismay. That we’d actually arrived at the destination in which the celebration will take place