Jimmy Olsen

Jimmy Olsen, photographer for the Daily Planet, was pretty used to having weird stuff happen to him and today, sadly, was no different than usual. He hadn't meant to trigger the experimental teleportation device at STAR Labs by accident, but trigger it he did and he'd ended up in the middle of a desert somewhere - Kandar, maybe? It was hard to tell when sand dunes stretched out for miles on end and his smartphone couldn't get a signal to give him GPS. It was blisteringly hot and he'd turned his sweater vest into a makeshift hat as he trudged through the desert. While he knew he could just trigger his signal watch and get Superman to come pick him up, if this was Kandar, doing so might accidentally trigger an international incident, given how touchy Black Adam was about his borders. He figured just a few hours heading towards the noonday sun might get him to at least something resembling civilization and, if not, he'd risk the signal watch at that point.

"Why'd it have to be the desert? I'm a redhead! I'm so gonna get sunburned!" he muttered to himself as he trudged across the sandy wastes . . . only for his foot to kick up against something hard and metallic.

"Ouch!" he yelped. "Typical Olsen luck, miles of sand I hit the one rock! Wait a minute . . ."

Looking down, he was shocked to see that he'd kicked an actual genie's lamp out of the sand.

"Oh, no way! This can't be . . . seriously?"

Hesitantly, he picked it up and rubbed it the one corner of his sensible white dress shirt that wasn't either soaked through with sweat or caked in sand.

"Well, here goes nothing- whoa!"

To Jimmy's shock, bright purple smoke began issuing forth from the old golden lamp . . . and taking the form of an absolutely stunning woman. In a matter of moments, an improbably proportioned Ararbic girl with long dark hair and glittering purple eyes stood before him. She looked him up and down, her pouty lips curling up into a lustful grin. Her voluptuous body was covered in thin purple silks that accentuated her near nudity rather than hid it. She looked like a stripper or porn star playing up the "harem girl" cliche. He couldn't help but stare for a few moments with his jaw agape until the woman spoke.

"Well, hello, James Olsen - or is it Jimmy? My name is Inara and you have my thanks for freeing me from my lamp!" she said in a low, sensual voice. "It seems I've been trapped in there for literal centuries if it truly is the year 2020!"

"I- you- whoa!" Jimmy said, still in shock at the sight of her. "You- you're a genie?"

"Not terribly articulate, but you're certainly cute! Love the hair, I don't think I've ever met a man with hair the color of fire before." she purred before cocking out one hip. "But to answer your question, no, I'm an ifrit, not a genie! Don't worry, it's a common mistake."

Jimmy blinked and reminded himself to look the magical being in the eyes, forcing himself to tear away from staring at the ifrit's barely clad breasts. She had a set to rival Power Girl's but it wouldn't do to upset whatever she was by being rude.

"Oh! Um. Sorry? Do you still grant wishes?"

Inara let out a low and lusty chuckle.

"Why, yes, yes I do! In fact, I will gladly grant you seven wishes, James. Oh, and I don't mind if you stare - I wouldn't dress like this if I didn't enjoy all the attention."

She gave him a saucy wink, purple eyes flashing naughtily. Jimmy had the grace to blush a bit before continuing.

"Wow, nobody's going to believe this! Do you mind if I take your picture?" Jimmy asked, excitedly taking out his camera.

"Oh, well, unfortunately, James, you are the only one who can see and hear me. It's part of the rules, I'm afraid." Inara responded with a sigh. "It's a shame, as I'd love to have my image captured in your portable portrait device!"

Jimmy frowned slightly.

"Geez, so, if I tell anybody, they're going to think I'm crazy!"

"No offense, James, but it doesn't look like there's anyone to tell. I don't see a camel or a caravan around, however did you get here?"

He sighed.

"Well, I accidentally triggered an experimental teleportation device at- um . . . well, I'm not sure you'll understand the details, but I accidentally got myself stuck here with nobody around to help me find my way back out! Lucky thing I found you when I did!"

Inara grinned in a slightly predatory fashion.

"Yes. Very lucky, for both of us."

Jimmy frowned slightly at her.

"Hey, you're not one of those evil genies who twists people's words around or wants to hurt people, are you?" he asked suspiciously.

Inara smiled. The simple ones were always so easy to trick.

"I can saw with all honesty that I am not an "evil genie," James, but I am an Ifrit, so the wishes I can offer have certain . . . well, "conditions" that must be met for me to grant them."

"Conditions? Like, what?"

Inara decided to go with half-truths.

"As you might guess from my body and style of dress, my magic is related to sex! Lust, in particular, is both my specialty and my passion. Any wishes you desire from me must somehow result in . . . well, let's just say, carnal delights, or at least inspire others to s-"

She bit back the word "sin."

"Seduce you. Or seduce others. Or just feel lusty thoughts, really, if you're not going to take full advantage of what I offer." she quickly settled on instead, pleased that Jimmy seemed none too quick on the uptake. "But, I'm sure a clever young man like you can figure out a way to overcome this minor limitation and still have fun!"

Jimmy put his finger to his mouth, thinking hard.

"OK, got it . . . so I just cant wish myself out of the desert, I've got to wish myself out of here in a, uh, sexy way?"

Inara nodded.

"OK, then, let me think . . ."

Jimmy realized it was too dangerous for him to wish for a superheroine to show up to get him out of there but he could wish himself to be next to one! Of course, the sexy part made it tricky, he didn't want to hurt or **** any of the Justice League.

"Aha!" Jimmy snapped his fingers. "I think I've got it now - what if I wish myself back to civilization but somewhere sexy? Like, at a pool surrounded by girls in bikinis somewhere?"

Inara shrugged, her large bust swaying.

"Warmer, but not quite hot. You mustn't be afraid of dreaming a little bigger, James. Nothing's out of reach for you now, you could make your life a sexy paradise-"

Jimmy's eyes widened.

"Paradise! OK, OK, I think I have just the thing!"

The Paradise Gentleman's Club was Metropolis' most upscale strip club, where men were soon parted from their money as they watched some of the hottest girls in town take off their clothes and paid for extremely expensive booze. It was rumored to be a front for Intergang but nothing had ever been proven.

He took a deep breath.

"I wish that I was safe and comfortable back at The Paradise Club in Metropolis without my appearing there causing any disturbances or trouble for anyone as a result!"

Inara's full lips curled into a smile.

"Safe and comfortable without seeming out of place? Your wish is my command."

In a flash of light, Jimmy Olsen and Inara vanished and reappeared in Metropolis . . . but not in quite the way Jimmy expected.