It's time for a shootout - go out guns blazing! (END)

Texas took one last breath and readied her trigger finger for its blaze of glory. It was time to stick this stupid roo in the slammer once and for all.

“FREEZE, VARMIN…” She began, before the last syllable was sucker-punched out of her by some scrawny wolf girl’s shovel head.

“Well fry me some lizards and call me Sally!” Roxxie beamed from ear to ear. “One of you numbskulls actually did something right for once! Good catch, Thelma. Maybe I won’t sit on you tonight after all!”

Texas’s head was swirling. A fresh bruise sprouted on her temple like a giant zit, pushing the brim of her hat up like it was tipped in greeting.

“Howdy, Sheriff! I don’t suppose you came to join in on this little treasure hunt…”

Texas’s blurry vision finally focused on a cream-colored mass before her. It was wide, thick, girthy, jiggling. Its proportions spanned the horizon before her like a boulder. It took her a moment to realize she was staring at Roxxie’s butt.

The gargantuan roo was plopped on a plot, her ridiculous rump blanketing an empty grave site like a curvy curtain. She was shifting idly back and forth, each movement of her massive hips producing a juicy wet mulching sound from the fresh soil beneath her. A shovel-wielding crook to her left shielded their face as a torrent of displaced mud coated the graveyard in brown slime.

A single hand lurched from the dirt beneath Roxxie like a zombie rising from the grave. A superstitious sheriff might have assumed the gunslinger spirits were coming back to defend their turf, but Texas knew the truth was much more disgusting - that hand didn’t belong to an undead. It belonged to an underling.

“MMMMPH!”

Roxxie’s crew protested their punishment as their boss’s bossy bottom worked them into the dirt like a steamroller. Their bodies were jammed in the mud like a flower’s roots, faces lining the crust of the earth like freshly-sprouted pancake plants. Their features were getting a grand tour of their employer’s dirty underside as she gyrated her hips back and forth above them. A runny mixture of muck and sweat seeped from her crack like a chocolate fountain.

Texas was hypnotized for a moment by the sheer mass of the bottom-heavy Roo, but she quickly snapped out of it when a thuggish paw gripped the back of her jacket. She reached for her six shooter, only to watch a boot kick it out of reach. It slid along the ground for just a moment before dipping into another empty hole like the last ship going over the horizon. Texas was stranded.

“Well Sheriff, looks like you’re all out of options!” Roxxie had to shout to match the volume of mud splattering and minion squashing. “I really must thank you for your convenient timing. I know exactly where you're going, you little goody-two-shoes weasel, you.”

The earth groaned as Roxxie slowly lifted her heaving roo bottom from the hole. Thick, sticky bands of sweat and mud drizzled from her cheeks like a smelly waterfall as they rippled with the slightest movement of the gargantuan hips. Beneath her was a booty-shaped bomb crater lined with flattened crooks, their noodle-thin bodies packed into the wet earth like toppings on a pizza. The moment their lips parted from the dirtiest crevices of their boss’s bottom, a feral cry of desperation rang out into the night.

“OHGODWE’RESORRYROXXIEPLEASESTOP!”

“You hear that, sonny?” An old bear said to her cub as they passed by the gates of the cemetery. “I told ya that ol’ graveyard was haunted! Those gunslinger ghosts are makin’ one hell of a ruckus tonight!”

Texas screamed as Roxxie’s one competent henchman hurled her into the messy aftermath that was Roxxie's seat. She grunted as her back slammed into the mud. Her eyes wandered reluctantly upward, just in time to get a horrifying view of the earth-soaked cheeks blocking out the moon. Roxxie’s bottom was raining mud and sweat down on her like a leaky ceiling. The contemptible criminal looked down on her with unbridled smugness.

“Bye bye, Tex.”

SPLAT!

Roxxie rolled her ass back over, the moonlight fading from Texas’s vision as it was blotted out by the sky-spanning hips. The sheriff squealed as a warm, wet crack smothered her body in mud and roo juice. She felt her limbs sink into the earth as the sheer pressure of Roxxie’s swamp ass settled on top of her. The cheeks jiggled and danced as they claimed their plot. Texas was buried alive - literally.

SQUELCH.

The soundscape of the dank hellhole she had just entered was not a pleasant one. A cacophony of splattering sounds joined the muffled squeals of displeasure all around her, all while a haughty voice cackled with delight above. Even the earth itself was joining in on the symphony - the ground below the bouncing roo trembled as the hole’s dimensions expanded to accommodate Roxxie’s jiggling curves. The mud walls parted like a sea to make room for her hips. It didn’t seem like the cacophony could get any louder, until the abominable roo began adding her farts to the soupy mixture of sweat and mud.

“What a tragic end for everyone’s favorite sheriff!“ The Roo shouted over a rumbling butt blast. “You just stumbled right into your own grave!”

In truth, this wouldn’t be Texas’s grave. By the time the morning sun rose and Roxxie finally decided to stand up, the unlucky, sweat-drenched, gas-ridden, noodle-thin strip of weasel would be jammed too deep into her muddy crack to stay behind. Texas was certainly going to be stuck in a hole, but it wasn’t going to be the hole in the earth.

As Roxxie sauntered off toward the morning sun, a legion of buried pancakes trembling in the messy aftermath she had left behind, Texas would be coming along for the ride. A single drooping ponytail, hairs clogged with sweat and dirt clods, was the only remaining sign of the sheriff's existence left. It bobbed back and forth, retreating just a little more into the sweaty crack it protruded from as the swaying cheeks worked its owner deeper into the swamp.

Roxxie smiled as she shielded her eyes from the sweltering sun and wiped a glob of sweat from her forehead. It was going to be a long day for Texas.

The End.