Chapter 4
by 
FINN 0815
What's next?
It's the only right thing to do
Chapter 2
Where is she? Lisa Hendriks is sitting in her favorite Starbucks waiting for her wife. They meet here almost every day after they've both finished work to start the evening together.
'Sorry babe. Work's hectig. I'll be late.'
Almost every day, anyway. Lisa sighs quietly when she sees the message on her cell phone but understands her wife.
As the child of Chinese immigrants, she is used to the urge to excel and her work too does not always go smoothly and according to plan. Sometimes unforeseen things happen, things that she cannot control but impact life nevertheless. The Cultural Revolution was one of the things that her grandparents could not control and her parents tried to counteract the loss of control and expulsion from their old homeland with good performance, hard work and obedience. Lisa's parents benefited from these efforts and enabled Lisa to go to one of the most prestigious universities in her new home, the United States of America, to study there and ultimately lead a good life.
Her parents knew that their daughter was a lesbian since she was a child and thanks to the efforts of her grandparents, her parents were able to support her in this huge step and provide her with a warm and welcoming home where she felt safe and accepted.
With a good education and her family behind her, it was easy for her to get ahead in life. But as a lesbian, life also had other challenges in store for her that she was not prepared for. For example, the lesbian culture she grew up in in the States. There was not much on offer and so the small minority concentrated in certain places like lesbian bars and festivals where it was clear what the goal of the people gathering there was. And even though Lisa could understand them, her first relationships were very traumatic for her. Only later did she learn that lesbian relationships had the highest rate of domestic **** and toxicity, something that she unfortunately experienced in her first relationships. For her, it was never about the quick thrill or the short-lived fling. Lisa wanted something long-term, something with a future.
So her life was complete when she found her last girlfriend and now wife. They have been together for six years now, three of them married. And Lisa is happy beyond belief.
'I miss you babe,' she writes, biting her lower lip. 'But I understand that. I love you. See you soon.'
'Love you too,' comes the quick reply. Lisa sighs. She would like to see her wife sooner, that is something she can't really control. And that is something her wife doesn't always understand. Of course work comes first, Lisa's family and her past have taught her that. And her work is important. Just like her wife's work. But still...
A loud clap disrupts her thoughts and Lisa raises her head. A few tables away, two boys, a little younger than her, one well dressed, the other... not... are sitting and talking. Obviously, the two are fine. Lisa doesn't waste any more thoughts on the two of them and tries to decide what to do. She could go home and wait for her wife. But... 'I'm waiting for you at our table, babe,' she writes quickly. She knows it's actually childish but she likes these little rituals so much, she needs them.
'All right. I just can't tell you how long it will take.' Lisa smiles happily.
'It's OK. Thank you. I love you.' She gets a heart smiley back and is happy. Of course it's childish but she loves her wife and the two have known each other for so long that they both know what the other needs in life. Lisa feels safe and secure with her wife. Life is good. Lisa is in love and happy. A rosy future awaits her.
Then a loud crash fills the air. Eyes turn around, Lisa's too. She knows where the noise is coming from, from the table where the two boys are sitting. Her eyebrows sink a little, annoyed. Lisa doesn't like loud noises or hectic places any more than anyone else and today the place is particularly full. But her eyes are still drawn to the table that the boy sitting facing her has just hit. It's a completely normal situation, a loud noise and Lisa reacts to it. And then everything changes.
Lisa is a pretty girl. A 10 if she asks her wife. She rates herself as a 7, on good days an 8. She is used to the looks of boys and men and women. Most of the time she smiles away people's advances and explains that she is married, no reason to be rude and her wife likes it when she can show Lisa off in front of others.
But this is different. Stronger. Much, much stronger. So strong that Lisa cannot describe it. She cannot describe anything at all, cannot think at all.
The boy at the table a few feet away turns around and their eyes meet.
And Lisa loses herself.
She loses herself in the eyes of the boy as he stares at her, shocked and embarrassed. She loses herself in his face, but is too shocked to look at it more closely. All she sees is disheveled hair, a dirty hoodie and a three-day beard. But his eyes...
Never before has she felt anything as intense as the feeling, the experience of staring into this boy's eyes. Far away and yet so close, Lisa's entire being, everything she is, is focused on this one point in time and space. It is magical, mystical, Lisa has no words or thoughts to describe it. She just takes it in, experiences it as something incredibly feminine, overwhelming. It shakes her to the core. And yet she cannot take her eyes off him.
She doesn't know how long it takes, seconds or hours? She just feels something changing, as if something was being emptied and then filled. And it feels so good. It feels so good and it keeps getting better. Lisa feels hot and cold at the same time as his eyes fill with concern for a brief moment. And then her eyes widen as she sees something in him. Hope. And she feels it in herself too.
A fire awakens in her that shines so intensely, so brightly and luminously...
That it is enough for Lisa to tear herself away from him.
She feel her body moving, obeying an urge that is so small, but only grows as soon as her eyes turn away from him.
She doesn't want to, she wants to look at the boy. There is something...
But he has already turned back. The sun is still shining outside, it hasn't been hours that the two of them have been staring at each other. Lisa shakes her head. She is numb and empty and sensitive and full at the same time. She doesn't understand, she wants to be afraid, but she doesn't feel bad. There is only the amazement at this unbelievable event that she doesn't understand. Another shake of the head. There is something...
Her wife. Her wife! When their eyes met, it was as if everything in Lisa's life had become unimportant. But that can't be! She has a wife and a life and she is happy! She closes her eyes, concentrates, even more than on her work. She makes an effort and feels the love and affection for her wife coming back.
"What..."
But it feels different. She feels her love, everything good in her life, but it's as if everything that made up her life used to be in a bulging box... and now it's in a gigantic warehouse where you can't see the walls. Lisa has to swallow and she gets scared. What's happening to her? Why does she feel as if everything she filled up before is now so... small and... insignificant?
"No," she whispers. "That can't be happening. What... What's happening here?" She concentrates. She thinks about her love, her wife, her family. She still feels everything, with the same intensity... but it's all so much bigger, so much further, so much... Lisa doesn't understand. She has to think about it.
But then she sees movement out of the corner of her eye. The boy... The strange boy who stared at her like hundreds of boys before him... He stands up and...
Oh no... Please...
And her prayers are answered. The boy stands up and it almost seems as if he wants to go to her, but then he turns around and marches to the counter to speak to the waitress.
And Lisa is happy about it... No... She's sad...
"No... What... Please..."
Lisa Hendriks is an intelligent person. She is beautiful, but has made it in life without having to rely on her appearance. Only her wife has given her this trait and she is happy and proud of her looks, does not take it for granted and thanks her gods that her looks have given her her wife. She knows the looks she gives her. Lust. And she knows her own feelings of love.
Lisa Hendriks is smart and beautiful and has led a good life without trauma or emotional pain. And so she can see it now, clearly and distinctly.
She recognizes the feeling.
Love.
Not a crush, not a fling.
Love.
All-encompassing, incredibly intense, warm, heartfelt, strong, intense love.
"My God..."
Lisa sees the boy standing at the counter with his grubby appearance and his uncombed hair and shaggy beard... And she loves it.
And it shocks her deeply, to her core.
Not because he is a boy. Not because she is a lesbian.
But because it is the strongest, most intense, most incredible feeling she has ever experienced in her life. Nothing can compare. Her love for her wife is a small match compared to the forest fire that this brief glance, this brief moment, has set off in her life. Her family is so small and insignificant compared to the wish that he would turn around again and look at her, give her a smile. Her job is forgotten, she wants to spend every moment of her life with this boy.
This realization hits her, almost killing the poor girl as her whole being changes.
But Lisa is strong and smart and she fights against it. She is a good person, she must not give in to these thoughts. She doesn't know what is happening to her but she has to fight against it. Her life must not end like this, she must not throw everything away... even if she wants to so much. She could talk to him... She could ask if he likes her... She could be with him...
With the love of her life.
"No... God... No..." But she is too confused. She only feels happy when she thinks of him. She is not sad. It feels so right. Nothing in her life has ever felt so right.
And yet so wrong.
But it doesn't help. She wants to get up, go to him, hug him, kiss him and...
He comes towards her. This time it is not an accident. He comes over to her after talking to his friend at the table. He is with her in a moment.
Their eyes meet again. And this time Lisa knows how long, not even half a second.
She falls in love with the boy. It is love at first sight. Actually second, but she has known it since the first second. She recognizes it. She accepts it. And she enjoys it.
It is unbelievable to admit it. She loves this boy she knows nothing about. She loves him with everything she has and will ever have. She knows it. She wants to be by his side. She doesn't care if she's a lesbian. She doesn't care if she has a wife. She doesn't care what her family will say. She doesn't care if it affects her job.
She loves this boy. More than she loves anything else. Much more. It's perfect. He's perfect.
And that saves her.
And that damns her.
He's too good for me, Lisa realizes. Yes... Yes! Yes that's right! He's too good for me! I'd never have a chance with a man like him! Never!
But the thought that maybe it could be, that he could give her a chance...
A tremor runs through her body. Adrenaline rushes through her veins.
And her vagina twitches.
Lisa has never experienced anything like this before and it shocks her.
"Hey," says the boy and Lisa immediately falls madly in love with his voice.
I want to hear him every day for the rest of my life. I can't manage not to hear him every day. His voice is so... perfect.
She wants to look at him. He's standing right in front of her. Just one look would be enough, just a second, half a second and she would be happy for the rest of her life.
No! I can't! I'm not good enough for him!
And she manages to look away. It's a phatic attempt to escape him. With a whimper she turns away, back to the window. Why did she look out again? Oh yes, because of her wife. Her wife who she loves.
But not like this boy.
Whimpering, close to tears, scared and in love, she flinches.
"Sorry to interrupt."
She almost doesn't hear his voice, she's so excited. Different emotions, all emotions, race through her body as she feels his eyes on her. She is so ashamed to hide from him, from the realization that it is already too late for Lisa and from the opportunity that is being presented to her. The young woman is too overwhelmed by everything, what she feels is too unbelievable.
It is not his fault. But Lisa cannot fight. She is too weak and she hates herself for it, just as much as she is happy about it. Because now he can make the decision for both of them. Lisa knows what she would do if she were weak for just a millisecond. She wants to be weak, throw herself into his arms and...
But she is not good enough for him. A man like him deserves better. And she still has her wife. That must mean something.
"Do you know where the restroom is?"
He sounds so dejected. Or is it her own grief that makes her so weak? She wants him to touch her, to tell her that he loves her and wants to be with her forever. But she doesn't deserve him and so it is for the best. At least that's what Lisa tries to think.
And then he turns around.
And he leaves.
It doesn't take a minute before Lisa jumps up, hastily packs her things and flees from Starbucks as if all the dogs of hell were after her.
"Babe?"
Lisa sees her wife and feels the tears crashing against the walls that this incredible moment has brought down so badly. The walls that Lisa wants to rebuild just so that her life doesn't fall apart completely.
Please just let me be a lesbian, she thinks in a panic and throws herself around her wife's neck.
"You're finally here," she calls into her partner's shoulder. "I've missed you so much!"
"Wow," Maddison says and pats Lisa's back. "What happened to you?"
And that's exactly the question Lisa is asking herself. But she has no answer and escapes into the world she knows.
"I love you so much babe," she cries out, for Maddison and for herself. "I love you and I want to be with you and I want to be married and I want to be a lesbian with you and..."
"It's okay," consoles Maddison, who obviously doesn't understand what's happening here. "We can be all of this." The two separate and Maddison pats Lisa's cheek. "I love you too." Then she nods her head. "Come on. I'll take you out of here. Home." She giggles and rolls her eyes. "My wifey could use some relaxation, I can feel that."
Smiling, one lesbian takes the other by the hand and leads her away from Starbucks into the safety of their relationship.
Step by step, Maddison leads Lisa to her destiny.
Her hand feels so good, she thinks, looking at the woman she loves from the side. Freshly back from work, Maddison talks about her day while Lisa can listen to her.
The two are destined to be together. It's destiny.
It's the only right thing to do.
Because Lisa loves Maddison.
I love you Maddi.
The girl looks at her wife and tries to remember all the beautiful things, every single moment of happiness that the two had together. There were so many. Of course there were moments like that too, but that doesn't matter and Lisa is someone who remembers the good moments.
But...
Step by step the two move away from the Starbucks and the boy who turned Lisa's world upside down. It's right. She is with her love.
But...
"Hey babe, is everything okay?" Maddison strokes Lisa's hand. "You've been like this the whole time. What's wrong?"
How is Lisa supposed to explain it to her? She doesn't understand it herself. She can't even put it into words, not even for the woman she loves.
But...
Actually, it's so simple.
"It's okay," she murmurs and Maddison, after a careful look, starts moving again.
"We'll take you home first," says Maddison determinedly. "Then I'll fill the bathtub with warm water, put some of your bubble bath in it and you can relax for a while." That sounds like a good idea. "And when you're done, I'll definitely be home again."
"What?" Lisa blinks, astonished.
"I told you."
"Yes... right..." Maddison has another meeting with her group of friends, which had been planned for weeks. And Lisa doesn't want to interfere. "Then I'll be alone." Maddison looks at her wife.
"You like that," she says, astonished. "Time to think." Maddison hugs her wife tenderly and kisses her on the cheek. "That's what I love about you."
"I love you too," whispers Lisa.
But... I...
But she doesn't want to think. Not after today. And she doesn't want to be alone. She is afraid of her thoughts, for the first time in her life.
"Should I stay with you?" Maddison asks seriously, but Lisa shakes her head. Then she is frightened of herself.
"No, it's okay," she says firmly.
She has made a decision.
She almost cries.
"I love you."
But... I...
"Go ahead. I forgot something back there." Maddison looks questioningly at her wife, then nods.
"Okay, honey. See you tonight. I love you." A kiss on the cheek, Lisa has to swallow.
"'Love you too," she whispers.
But...
It doesn't help. She made the decision without really thinking about it. But she has to admit it to herself, actively and without a veil over her eyes. The first truth of her new life.
I love him more.
Her feet are light as she hurries back to Starbucks with fumbling steps. She is afraid of her feelings, of what they mean and of what she has admitted to herself. But she is even more afraid that the mysterious boy is no longer there.
I love him. This realization is on a continuous loop in her head. There is no room for anything else. She has admitted it to herself. And it shocks her that she feels so good about this fact. I love him! I love him! I LOVE HIM!
There is Starbucks.
Lisa rushes through the door.
And there he sits. Still with his friend. He sits slumped in his seat, his back to Lisa.
What should she say? Shocked, she realizes that she doesn't know what to say.
Too late. She is already standing in front of him. His friend smiles and the boy turns around.
Yes, she loves Maddison. But she loves this boy more.
It is the right thing to do.
"Hey."
And it feels right.