It's the dawn of an important day, but all is not well with your cultists

That nightmare you'd been having had become a little too real: the first thing you noticed when you awoke and wearily blinked your triangular, candle-lit eyes was that your head was turned backwards. The next was the dull, throbbing pain shooting throughout your pumpkin; it felt like even now, some adventurer was pounding your head with a club, trying to get you to spill more books. The annoying feeling didn't stop as you tilted your head down as much as a pumpkin-head can manage to and surveyed the foot of your post...

The cave floor was littered with spell-books of all kinds. Somebody had beaten the pumpkin-guts out of you while you slept!

Now in a state of alarm, you whirled your head around 360 degrees and listened for any betrayal of sound that might tell you who was responsible. You heard a **** whimper, then adjusted your viewpoint downward and towards the entrance of the cave. There, still entangled in your vines- but trying desperately to chew them off- was Winnifred the White. Her cheeks were stained with tears and her eyes were framed by bags, as though she hadn't slept a wink. You got the feeling she'd been up for most of the night, attempting to beat and bite you to **** without any offensive spells or any equipment within arms' reach. Everything had been so peaceful when you went to sleep! Why the sudden change of heart?!

Oh, that's right. This is probably the third Winnifred, the one that emerges when the god's fled the body. She'd probably been pretty confused when, in the middle of the night and free of the influence of any god, she'd awoken to find herself half-naked in the embrace of some plant monster. With some panic, you noted that she'd actually managed to hollow out your HP to the point where it was nearly as empty as your head. At least the orange color matched your pumpkin... But that was small comfort! With a pleading voice, you begged her to stop hitting you. Part of you was worried you were going to end up sounding as tearful and pathetic as you had in your dream.

"I will not! Unhand me, monster! R-Release me and my church may yet allow you to live!" Her voice was as stern and noble, distraught at the prospect of being molested by some monster, as you imagined her god was trying to make her sound.

Desperately, you searched the cave for something that could make her relent. There! Your Pumpkin Herald had just arrived! Or... Wait a minute. It seemed like she'd actually been there for a while, judging by how her back was propped up against the wall and she was watching everything unfold with a bitter smile on her face. You told her you couldn't allow Winnifred to pick up her weapon; you needed her help subduing the angry Pumpkin Missionary!

"Hm? You two seemed very cozy. I wouldn't want to interrupt. You don't need a third wheel around while you've got your new, squishy cleric friend, right?"

Damn! She really was the jealous type! You bobbed your head up and down in a bow of apology, even as Winnifred beat on it ineffectually with her fists and spilled another spell-book. She wasn't really going to let you die after all the two of you had been through, was she?!

"Relax... I'm only letting you get beaten up cause you're close to another level up. You've survived a battle for like, eight hours. That's probably worth a butt-ton of EXP."

... She was right. If Winnifred just kept struggling, you'd level up any moment now. That would be a pretty cruel twist for the tired cleric... after all that struggling, she'd be rewarded with the sight of her restraining monster returning to full health with a level up jingle. While giddy about the prospect of reaching level four, you had to admit, there were a couple of problems. The first: you still had almost no cave ore.

"Nah, I woke up early and took care of that. Twenty cave ore really isn't anything, unless you're a lazy ass like this cleric."

"I-I am not lazy! I'm a devout woman of the gods who is nonetheless unsuited to manual labor, such as mining or breaking thick plant tendrils! Quit scheming with this monster and help release me!" Winnifred's avatar cried and kicked her legs uselessly. "Have you turned your back on humanity, thief?!"

"Ha ha ha! I kinda did," Pike admitted with a giggle, idly inspecting one of the skill-books on the floor of the cave before pocketing it. "What's the other problem, anyway?"

You told Pike you thought that was pretty obvious... what were the two of you going to do with Winnifred's avatar until the god reappeared? When she told you that she had an answer for that too, you beamed with expectation. The form of that answer caused you to wail in panic, however; she used a skill called "Twisting Thrust" and immediately jabbed her knife into Winnifred's back. The cleric's face winced in pain, before she fell limp and "back-to-towned," as you heard Pike referring to it earlier. Her body disappeared in a puff of blue sparkles and white feathers. Angrily, you demanded to know why Pike would do that to your mutual friend!

"Dude, that's what I do. I'm a PK'er. Besides, you got a little experience for it too. You should be level four now." Pike smiled and flipped her dagger lazily in one hand, utterly unconcerned with what she'd just done. "Anyway, that girl's player is a real freak. She'll come crawling back some time this morning, I guarantee it. In the mean time, let's see what we can do about constructing that dungeon!"

Oh, right! You checked your status sheet once again while Pike busied herself emptying out cave minerals onto the floor, along with a few other types of rocks she happened to dig up.

Level 4(+1) Halloween Pumpkin-Head - SUGGESTION: Adopt a name to increase your fame!
Monster, Plant, Explicit
Experience to level up - 355
Attributes:
Strength 3 | Dexterity 3 (+1) | Stamina: 43 (+1)
Charisma: 32 | Manipulation: 31 (+1) | Appearance: 11 (+1)
Intelligence: 29 | Perception: 22 (+1) | Wits: 21
Skills:
Identification (Skill/Spell Books)
Curse removal (Skill/Spell Books)
Dungeon Crafting (Ultra)
Feats:
Treasure Monster (Books, Ultra-Rare): This monster spawns skill and spell texts when struck by a close range attack. There is a ten-second timer between allowed spawns, although damage can still be sustained. The level of the text varies depending on the level of the one striking it, although the rarity is preset by the feat itself.
Immobile: This monster cannot change move from its current position by its own power. It can still move its body, but cannot change its location. It can be moved by forces besides itself.
Weapon Restriction (Total): Cannot equip or be equipped with weapons.
Elemental Resist (High): This monster greatly minimizes damage from all elements.
MP regeneration (High): This monster automatically recovers MP at a high rate.
Buff/Debuff Spell Resist (Total): This monster's stats cannot be buffed or debuffed by spells.
Heal Resist (Total): This monster cannot be healed by any means other than leveling up.
Vine Manipulation (Novice): This monster can stretch and harden the vines composing its body. With preparation time, this yields a boost in Strength and Dexterity boost at the cost of Stamina. Also increases reach slightly.
Spells:
Sphere of Fear: Casts an AoE spell around the user with distance and effect based on Intelligence. This spell lowers defense and has a chance to terrify based on Intelligence. There is a cooldown on this spell's usage that is lowered based on the Wits stat.
Sphere of Fire: Casts an AoE fire spell around the user with distance and effect based on intelligence. There is a cooldown on this spell's usage that is lowered based on the Wits stat.
Phantom Hands: Creates a pair of free-floating hands that act with Strength, Dexterity, and Stamina directly translated from the user's Intelligence stat. The summoner's MP will be drained as long as they are in use. They will vanish either when dismissed by the summoner or killed, or when the summoner runs out of MP or is killed.

There wasn't a lot to write home about in this latest update, though the spreadsheet did helpfully indicate that you should pick a name at some point in order to help your fame grow easier. For most monsters, that made sense: "Chadwick the Goblin" was a lot easier to tell tales about than just "a Goblin." On the other hand, you were probably the only Pumpkin Head in the damn world right now. Would a name really help you stand out that much more? Still, you were willing to try... only, you had no idea of a name. "Pumpkin Lord" was pretty cool as a title- you could think about that again at your next level up- but what kind of name made sense? Maybe "Buddy?" Pike called you that a lot. You asked her about it.

"Ha ha, no, dummy. I call everybody 'buddy' a lot." The elf's ears twitched as she crossed her arms across her pumpkin-printed chest coverings and frowned thoughtfully. "Oh, wait! There's that other thing I call you a lot that I don't call anyone else. Jack! Jack's an easy to remember name."

Hmmm... You weren't so certain. If other pumpkins started spawning and having adventures with cute girls, they might reach an appropriate level to pick their own names too. "Jack" would probably be the the most common name of all. It was fine for a nickname, but...

"Pfft, if you keep being such a picky pumpkin, I'm gonna pick your pumpkin," your underling threatened jokingly. "How about... Ickabod? Pumpkin Lord Ickabod."

Now that sounded fancy! You'd never heard a name like that, but you nodded your head in agreement. Sure enough, no sooner had you done so than your name changed on your status page.

Pike grinned evilly, then raised one finger. "No take-backs! Now, I get to change your nickname in my Friends List to Icky. He he he..." It was nice to hear that you were on her list of friends! Monsters never had Friends Lists... or at least, pumpkins didn't. You'd never met a lot of other types of monsters. As for the nickname, it was a little insulting, but that was just Pike's style. You were getting used to that sort of bad friend attitude of hers. "Okay, now listen! I'm jonesing to see you actually set up that dungeon, after how much we've teased it! You've got to go ahead and make the inner sanctum thingy; I wanna see how it works!"

You nodded along eagerly, then prepared the claimant's crystal, which Pike helpfully stuck in between your mouth's jagged line to keep it in place! You visualized the outline of a fancy, haunted interior room, crypt-like with tufts of weeds and vines dotting its surface, the perfect mixture of plant and ghost that symbolized who you thought yourself to be. You prepared, and then...!

Beee-wooo

Another error message!

Error: "Hlwn EventServ 04 " land not owned. Land is vacant. 1 claimant crystal and 50 fame is required to claim this land. You require more fame.
Error: Player(s) exist on build location.
Inner Sanctum not constructed.

This one was very similar to the last, only with a few checklist items missing. You understood the player part. After all, Pike would probably have to step off for a bit while you constructed. The claimant crystal and fame one was annoying though... You thought you'd satisfied both of those conditions! Annoyed, you checked your fame list once again. Your eyes widened in shock as you saw what had happened within the last half hour...

Player "Pike"- This player regards you as a close friend! +10 fame.
Player "Winnifred the White"- This follower has perished and revived! This player has left your cult! However, they are busy spreading the word of your activities! +10 fame
Four unknown players have learned of your activities! +8 fame.
You are now the leader of your official cult, "Cult of the Pumpkin," with two or more members! +20 fame
Total fame: 48

Dammit, Winnifred! If she'd logged on in a timely manner instead of sleeping in, her avatar wouldn't have left your cult and you'd be building your sanctum right now! You thought you were going to have to give that young lady a stern talking to whenever she returned. Still... The biggest problem here wasn't your inability to build a sanctum. That would probably be fixed once word got around to one more person about your weird cave cult. The problem was all of those unknown people... Winnifred knew that you were a pumpkin-head now- not some legendary ghost- and wherever she'd respawned, she'd notified others about your presence here. You doubted she was giving people the "Spell Book Santa Claus" version of the story you'd cooked up either. More likely, she was enticing them to come hunt you with the promise of books... and justice against a molester and his murderous minion, of course. But the books probably helped.

You asked Pike if there was any chance Winnifred was in the invading party. Her god had told her to "stay," right? That meant she ought to stay in town, right?! You didn't want to end up in a pitched battle with your only other cultist!

"Nah... I'll bet she has a sub-AI set on that tells the away avatar to act by rules of her own RP. A lot of the RPers here do fancy crap like that. If that wins out over the 'stay' command, she'll come here for sure. Now-" Pike explained some stuff about "AI" you couldn't understand, but just as she was beginning to ask what error came up this time, you saw the fame counter go up again.

"Level 10 -'The Sheriff' Evilward" has hosted a bounty against you! +10 fame!
This bounty has been accepted by five adventurers! +10 fame
Total fame: 68

You skipped the part about the error and gave her that name, hoping desperately that she'd tell you the guy was nothing to worry about.

"... Ward, huh?" Her face didn't inspire optimistic, cheerful feelings in you. She pressed her fist to her mouth and bit one nail nervously. "Figures. That guy's always looking for noobies to rope into his RP circle. When he found Winnifred wearing that weird bikini, robbed of everything and carrying that crazy story... I'll bet that shit started drooling all over his stupid cosmetic armor pieces. The Sheriff is a jackass who tries to keep the whole server RPing by investigating any reports in town. You're probably the first monster he's ever organized a bounty for... Ordinarily, it's PKers like me." She sighed, then shook her head. "I could mop the floor with him one on one, but he's bringing four people with him. One of them might be Winnifred- in which case, we'll be in luck if she logs back in- but the other could be anyone. Could even be somebody stronger than him... Or me."

You felt yourself shiver on your spike. This situation had gotten bad fast. You asked Pike if she'd cast invisibility on you again.

"No good. For a no-magic hack like me, that's practically a once-per-24-hour cooldown."

You tried something else: could she pick up your post and move you to another cave!?

"Nah... If I step outside with you, you're going to be target practice for everybody, not just the Sheriff and his gang. Your chances are better in here."

Well, then what were you supposed to do?!

"Your best bet... Is to build that sanctum. If you can build it, I think you can make minions and traps too. We've only got 68 fame to work with, but I'm sure you can find something that makes our chances a little better than a level 4 pumpkin-head and me trying to kill five adventurers by ourselves... For now, I'll meet them outside and try to stall. The guy's biggest weakness is he loves RP. I can hold him there with dialogue for a while. You just focus on building that sanctum!" Pike turned and waved over her shoulder, showing you her best side- her cute, pumpkin-clad booty- for just a moment before disappearing outside the cave. This was really turning into a two-against-the-world situation, huh...?

Eager to follow her instructions, you tried once more to build the inner sanctum, visualizing it around you. This time... It worked! No more obstructions! You had the prerequisite fame and with Pike off the land, nothing was stopping you! "Hlwn EventServ 04," as unwieldy a name as that was, now belonged to you! You'd have to look into changing that name in the near future. Now, you could just look around and take in the breathtaking sights of your new lair, the first Pumpkin-Head lair ever constructed, right?

... Wrong.

In place of your lair, the cave minerals had vanished, leaving behind all sorts of piles of rock, pullies, and "under-construction" looking tarps. You saw a message reading "build progress 0/100." A hammer lay on one table nearby the stones... That's right! You had to manually tap the thing until it worked! This was going to be rough... With all of the limb stretchiness you could manage, combining both your level 3 inherited skill and your very limited dexterity, you attempted to stretch out your vines long enough to wrap the hammer... Not quite! You summoned the Phantom Hands to finish knocking the thing off the table and to your direction. Perfect! With an absolute lack of adroitness or dexterity, you picked up the hammer in both Phantom Hands and began knocking it against the walls of your new lair, demonstrating all of the finesse of a toddler hitting two blocks together in an attempt to build something.

Unlike with that dumb hypothetical toddler, this was actually working! You could see the bar progressing. Luckily, it seemed the requirements for the Inner Sanctum were pretty low. You'd be done in no time! The hard part would be figuring out which combination of minions and traps gave you the best odds of survival...

Plus, not everything was so lucky. You already heard Pike conversing with someone outside.

A whiny male voice spoke up, sounding vaguely familiar, though you couldn't remember where from. "I'm telling you, the hat's got nothing to do with it! Pike's a filthy PKer; she's the one I reported to you earlier and you said you'd organize a mob, but you never did! Guess reports only matter when they're coming from busty clerics, huh, Sheriff?!" Ah, that's right. It's the one Pike emasculated earlier.

"Stay your tongue! We mustn't quarrel among ourselves. Ours is the cause of righteousness and hers is the purpose of evil. I know that unusual hat must be the source of the foul beast's mind control... No mere Pumpkin-Head could hold such sway over a human's conscience! Domination of the mind is the realm of vampire's glamours and the occultist mesmer's spells. The pumpkin, on the other hand, knows a scant three, none of them capable of such sorcerous savvy." Damn, the Sheriff seemed like the type that could drone on for a while, and his words were even more flowery than Winnifred's. This guy was an RPer to the core. "Deprive her of that hat and we shall deprive her of the curse."

"A-Actually, maybe that whole outfit is what's causing the curse..." That one sounded like a crotchety old man. What a perv! He just wants to see your good friend Pike naked. What a terrible person he is for wanting that! You listened harder, to hear if the others were going to buy in.

"We can figure that out when the time comes." That one was Winnifred. It was still odd to hear her talking in that same voice she affected to RP, but in a more genuine context. "For now, subdue her!"

There was probably one more adventurer, but for now, they were silent. You prayed that Pike had a really good means of stalling them out! Blessedly, her voice came next, sounding full of bravado. "Wait a minute, Evilward. How about a wager? A little... deal with the devil." You could tell she was adding more to it to try to provoke the RPer in him by offering to make the situation more interesting.

"Ha! I'm not in the business of yielding to criminals' demands, Pike. You were a rat of a thief before you ever became controlled by a pumpkin and you'll be punished accordingly. But for now, I'll hear you out." For all of his logic, he'd fallen on his face and caved at the end. He was clearly excited about the proposition.

"In this little battle of ours- the Cult of the Pumpkin Lord versus the forces of the Sheriff- let's bet ourselves. If I lose, I'll join you as part of the town watch, responding to player reports and helping you keep the peace for RPers." Oh no! Pike was offering him way too much! You didn't want to lose your first and favorite cultist!

The Sheriff sounded very, very pleased by this offer. You could hear the smile in his voice. "A level 16 thief and notorious player-killer as a servant of the peace, hm? I can imagine the arcs we'd get up to, second-guessing your intentions, wondering where your loyalties lay! How enticing! And what do you want of me?"

You wanted to use your intelligence and charisma (and maybe a bit of your manipulation) to encourage her to set the most obvious terms: if she won, the Sheriff had to agree to drop the matter of the hunt and support the legend of the good Pumpkin Lord! Unfortunately, you couldn't draw people into the cave towards you. Instead, you hit the walls in silence and prayed that Pike would make the right move.

Her intellect remained a bit questionable.

"If I win, you have to join the Cult of the Pumpkin Lord as the... uh... warden of the Pumpkin's dungeon. You have to become a cultist and change your title to the Pumpkin Warden, plus whatever else the Pumpkin Lord asks, cause he's got specific taste some times."

"Well, your manner of dress makes that evident. However, I shall not lose! Draw your weapon, cultist!" For how fierce his words were, you could tell he loved having this kind of juicy player-versus-player story to sink his teeth into. You'd really done him a favor by providing him this kind of scenario! You wished he could be a little more grateful, as you pounded the walls brainlessly with your awkwardly held hammer.

Finally... the bar was complete! Your sanctum sprang to life around you! Set stone floors and walls! Pumpkin-topped banisters! A dusty chandelier! A staircase inside and an actual, stone door, instead of a misshapen hole that lets the light in at all hours of the day! A pumpkin-headed fountain where your old pool of dirty water used to be! Some kind of weird, long table with an occult symbol carved into its surface! Ample light from torches with oil lanterns embedded inside! And finally... a throne, constructed directly beneath you so that your post settled into a discrete groove in the stone. You had your new home and not a minute too soon!

Ickibod's Inner Sanctum has been constructed! Please view new constructs, traps, and minions available for construction.

"Hey, did that cave just turn into a little crypt?" It was the whiny RPer pike had killed.

"An illusion! As we draw closer, the illusion fades and we see the cave's true form!" It was Evilward.

"That's no illusion. The monster strengthens himself!" That one was Winnifred. If the god was back, she probably would have said liason instead of illusion.

"Grab the elf's bikini!" It was the pervy old-timer.

Whoever the fifth was remained silent.

Shiiiiiit! Constructing your sanctum had drawn their attention all to your new creepy crypt! That big stone door, while neat, wasn't going to do much to hold them back! You couldn't even bar it; you were too far away on your new throne! You had to pick some minions and traps... And fast!