It's Going To Happen

It's all so much. So many feelings tossed up in the moment, tangled together and barely able to be sensible.

It's happening. I'm letting it happen and god I want it to happen. I'm really going to get fucked in my ass.

And I think I'm going to love it.

Behind me Blake is insistent and steady, but surprisingly not overwhelming. Even though I know every instinct in his body is screaming out to bury himself inside of me, he's still holding back. Almost a kindness here on my first time, and almost guaranteeing a repeat performance down the line.

This is almost like a consolation prize, for the both of us. Both of us really want the main event, to have him buried inside of me. Both of us want me to get fucked here but I'm preventing it and even though I know it's for good reason I need something. We need something out of this. Hence the consolation prize.

My tight little asshole wrapped around his thick hard cock. Gripping him with my everything and milking every last drop of his hot seed out of me. Feeling him pulse as he empties himself inside of me because if we're doing this, we're doing all of it. If this is happening then it ends with him buried to the hilt inside of me.

It's not the same. The nerve endings and the sensations will be wholly different. If I cum, it won't be the same kind of climax as it would be if I was taking his cock in my tight little sex for the first time. And for him the sensation of my asshole wrapped around his cock will be different. i think so at least, don't have a whole lot of experience and certainly not enough to say with absolute certainty but it'll probably feel different for the both of us.

Still it's close.

It's still thrusting. It's still the rhythm of two bodies coming together. It's still grunts and moans and pleasure, still tightness and heat and friction and wetness and everything else. It's so close, with his hands on my hips and his cock buried inside of me. It's not the same, but it's the closest I'm willing to go and the most I'm willing to get.

For now. For this moment. For a man like him.

First, though, I need to have it. i need to experiience it. I need to let him in and let him have me. Need for him to enter me for the very first time.

And it's all so close, but it's all so terrifying to comprehend.

He presses forward against me and I tense up. It's entirely ****, just the natural sort of response that anyone would have in this situation. You feel something invading you and you tense against it, unconsciously **** to keep it out even though consciously at this moment you want it more than you've wanted anything in your whole damn life.

I expect one thing from Blake but he surprises me with another. Never a man of subtlety, I anticipate him breaking past my barriers to break into me, to break me in.

But instead of all of that his touch lands on my body so gentle, a caress that is close enough to loving to mistake it for that as he bends over and whispers sweet words of encouragement in my ear.

"I don't want to hurt you," he says, "So I need you to relax. This is going to be hard for you to do, I know it, but I need you to try. Make a conscious effort. Relax yourself and let me in."

I want to laugh.

I remember a story I heard once, more of a phrase really. 'Whatever you do, don't think about purple elephants.' Once that little earworm has wriggled its way into your brain it becomes an impossibility.

Even if you weren't thinking of them before, and I mean really who is, purple elephants will be all that you can think of afterwards. Because the absense of trying to think of something becomes an impossibility and for a moment you'll think that the only thing you'll ever be able to think of will be purple elephants. Now and for the rest of your life.

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