Intermission: Checking In With The Currently Unselected

Harith

Back in his cell, the wrists of his mittens are unchained. Harith uses them to massage his sore muscles as best he can. As far as prison cells go, this one is pretty nice. No rats to gnaw on pus-filled wounds from dirty conditions. A cheap mattress instead of a pile of rotting hay or just a bare stone floor. A little wooden table and chair. A couple of buckets, one for washing oneself, the other for relieving oneself. All in all, a much nicer place than the equivalent in Dinas y Dyn.

The cell door opens. The Host walks in. Interesting. Perhaps she decided that she is **** enough for a man’s touch to seek me out?

She snorts, “Harith, to steal a line from one of my contestants, I am very, very gay. Also, I have a harem; I have no need for what you are offering.”

Harith is again flustered. He sits on his thin mattress. “That is the most painful rejection I have ever received.”

“Rejection likely doesn’t happen often for you, to be somewhat fair,” the sea elf replies.

Harith chuckles, for he can’t help himself. “So, are you here to banish me back home? Or to let me know that you intend to leave me rotting in this cell for the rest of your days? I already know that I lost.”

The Host leans against the wall. She considers Harith. “If I had to guess, the portion of the audience that like male contestants staying male is less than I think. They are there, of course, but a silent majority overruled them. But, that may not matter. After the vote is done, Mona will have a proposal for you. I doubt that Craig will survive the round; he only survived the first because someone wanted his suffering to… linger. Say ‘yes’ to her offer, play your cards right, and you can take his spot when he inevitably does something that warrants immediate elimination. The audience may even grow to like you.”

Harith subtly flexes for the camera. “What’s the proposition?”

“You’ll see when she presents it.”

She is sooo frustrating to read. He nods towards the metal mittens, “And will I be able to handle the offer with these dumb things on?”

“Probably not, but I will remove them for Mona’s purposes. But, bear in mind that, while, as a Queen, your situation is annoying to resolve, as a Host I have ample power to give you a fate worse than sending you back to the Abyss.”

Harith shudders. He understands that threat; he’s watched enough seasons to get her drift. “You realize we are on the same side here?”

The Queen squats down to eye level. “To a point, we are. If I truly thought that you would be a net negative for Mona, we would not be having this conversation. I just want you aware of the stakes.”

“I will be on my best behavior.”

“Good. She’ll be around sometime soon. Enjoy your day.”

The Host leaves. Harith drinks in the sight of her ass. He leans back to rest his head against the too cool stone wall of his cell. Needing to seduce someone to be enslaved by them and earn my freedom? Well, Hoar, you got me. I guess it’s my time to have an ironic fate...

Hoardcoin

Hoardcoin finds himself in a place he once sworn to never walk into: a brothel. Finding the town’s Hippity Hoppity Way was not difficult, even in the Royal Quarter. Choosing which one to walk into took some research, but the local nobles gave him plenty of advice.

The lobby of the place, this Carrot Patch, smells odd. A dozen or so hoppalongs are bouncing on carrot shaped dildos, waiting for a client to choose them. The males are stroking themselves off as the dildo slides in and out of their rectum. The females are teasing their little button while riding. Some of them make-out with each other as they go; others are quietly chatting, as if this is just a normal thing.

Hoardcoin feels incredibly uncomfortable. It is almost enough to break his despair. Almost.

An elderly hoppalong carefully hops down from a stool behind the lobby counter to approach the monk. Surely she’s pushing 35? A hoppalong that old should be in bed, not in a den of debauchery like this.

Her voice is weak, but still she offers, “Are you okay, young man? This does not seem like a place for you.”

“No, I am not, honorable elder. My fated mate has been denied to me once again and I am here to try the forbidden fruit of another. I see no reason to remain in Bahamut’s good graces; this world is just too cruel for me.”

“Hmm... My grandmother may have some insight that might help you. Please, do not do anything so rash as to break your vows. Follow.”

And so Hoardcoin follows the elder hoppalong. She brings him to a sitting room with floral upholstery couches and a tea set resting on a small table. The room smells fresh and clean, which is a pleasant contrast to the smell of dozens of hoppalongs masturbating. A male hoppalong, eyes laser focused on Hoardcoin’s crotch, pours some tea as the elder hoppalong steps out.

“Can I suck your cocks?” the younger hoppalong asks, “Preferably both at once?”

Despite coming here for that exact purpose, Hoardcoin replies, “No thank you.” There is no reason to give into temptation until I have heard this grandmother out.

The male hoppalong leaves, pouting, as a familiar voice coos out from the hall, “How is one of my favorite granddaughters, cutie?”

The elderly woman replies, “Fine, grandmother. The boy I mentioned is in Sitting Room B.”

“Oh, sure. Love you!” And the Host Assistant enters the sitting room, offering a handshake, “Hi, Hoardcoin was it? Tina, Titan of Trickery. What’s up?”

“You were there when the Host announced that I am not going to be with my fated mate. You know what’s up.”

The hoppalong plops into an overstuffed chair and grabs a cup of tea. “Oooh, yeah. I can see that hurting. But don’t give up!”

“What hope is there? My fated mate is so close, yet beyond my reach!”

The buxom blonde sips her tea and makes a face as if it’s too bitter. She grabs a couple of sugar cubes from the tea service and starts to stir them in. “Well, for one, there will be other opportunities. You can try again. For two, are you familiar with the multiverse? My cute wife can explain it better, but we can always find you a version of your fated mate that will be happy to be with you.”

Hoardcoin is shocked, “You will do that for me?”

“I mean, we’d have to get some clearance, but yeah. Our Producer wants good stuff to cancel out the whole ‘binding souls to another in a harem’ thing. Helping you find happiness with a version of Mona…”

“Moolah.”

“...Moolah? Really? I lost my thought. What was I saying?”

Hoardcoin stares at her incredulously. “I understand your intentions. What am I supposed to do with myself in the meantime? The monastery is quite far away and I walked here.”

“Go train with Scarlet. She’s a monk, too. Different order of monk than you, but she can help you out. Maybe Mona will go visit the spa and you could talk with her? Never know what that’ll do for your chances...”

“You are quite wise. Thank you for your advice. Two questions: Where is this spa you mentioned? And how are you old enough to be a grandmother?”

The Host Assistant gives Hoardcoin directions but coyly avoids answering the other. She pays for the room and the tea as the zemeitsa heads back towards the castle, a pep in his step that wasn’t there before. I will earn the affection of my fated mate!

Stanley

Stanley ran out of the castle as soon as it was announced that he was not selected. He kept running, even after he realized that nobody was pursuing him. Then, on the other side of this strange park, a store looms before him. The Harem Hotel Retail Store.

Maybe I can find out enough about the show to escape? Find my way back to Generic-Corp and my friends? Wait, I forgot; everything I know is a lie.

Stanley resolves to not break down into the fetal position until he is safe (or at least hidden); he clutches himself anyways. He walks in and is overwhelmed. There is so much stuff! T-shirts and mugs and plushies and little desk decorations and sex toys. Sooo many sex toys. Stanley can’t even comprehend how most of the sex toys are supposed to work. I guess I really am a virgin.

Suddenly, a voice shouts out from behind the counter, “So, you ARE capable of showing up here at a reasonable hour!”

Stanley hides behind a display of pencil cases with some cat girl on it.

The Host approaches the counter, smirking, “I can, but you always send out the messages so late. There a reason for telling me off this afternoon, Little Miss?”

“Mail to ship out needing your approval. Here. And mail for you. Here. So you don’t bother me for it at three in the morning.”

“Thank you. Oh, hmm... I really should deny this message to Shar. Let me just stick a quick note on it. The other letter is fine? Oh, and a short letter for me. Mind if I pull a Shar and just read it aloud for the audience?”

“Whatever. Knock yourself out, you weirdo.”

As this Little Miss (a different cat girl from the one on the pencil cases) stomps away, the Host reads aloud:

Tyalangan,

Quick note as I am planning a bachelor party for the big guy. I know you'll be invited to the wedding. You probably can imagine Andy doesn't have really many friends who can be invited to the party. In the interest of giving him a good time, would you join us for a night of fun and light debauchery? It will be held the day before the wedding, an extra day Arabella is adding to the round after Erin's date.

-Sam

She then answers the letter aloud, “Well Sam, count me in. Sounds delightful. Let me know if you need me to bring anything in particular.”

Then she disappears in a puff of mist. Whew. I’m safe. She didn’t catch me. Stanley’s thoughts are interrupted as he hears directly behind him, “Oh, Stanley...”

Stanley turns and screeches. He stumbles backwards, knocking into the display. A pencil case falls on his head and clatters on the floor.“P-p-p-please, d-do-d-don’t do anything, r-r-r-rash.”

“Now, why do you think I am going to do something rash?”

“B-b-be-because you s-s-said that I-I-I was to be a s-s-sea slug o-o-or an extra.”

“Just because those were my other options doesn’t mean I have to do one of them right now.”

Stanley remembers that he can breathe. He takes in a big, hopefully calming breath. “You don’t?”

“Nah, Stanley. I don’t have to return you to the extras pool until I remove the priority claim on you. And I don’t have to do that until there is no chance of you joining Mona’s harem. I’m sure that I will run another new contestants vote at some point.”

“Oh. S-s-so I am safe?”

“Reasonably safe. You are still in this fantasy porn world and you look human. Walk into the wrong alley and you’ll find yourself strapped to a bed and being used as a breeding stud for some kind of monster.”

Stanley feels enough panic that he clings to the Host. He feels a light touch between his shoulder blades as she pats his back, cooing, “There, there.”

“Y-y-you’ll protect m-m-me, r-r-right?”

“Sure, Stanley. Would you like a job while you wait? Maybe something where you could meet my show-runner and see if you’d be okay being a sea slug as its mate?”

“O-o-okay...”

He is handed a phone, an ear piece, and a lanyard badge. The badge already has his name and face on it. It declares “Harem Hotel: Woo the Girl, Save the World — Junior Production Assistant.” A promotion? I got a promotion! I never gotten a promotion before! He clings tighter to the Host, this time out of joy instead of fear. “Thank you, thank you, thank you!”

“You’re welcome. Let me show you your work space.”

And Stanley walks proudly back to the Hotel. I have a workspace! Ooh, I wonder if I get a whole desk?