In Some Deep Schitt (Or How Alexis Rose Became A Registered Nudist)

Alexis Rose trembled lightly, scowling at the scratchy feeling of her least favorite couch on her very perfect skin. She was the last member of the Roses to see their family estate from the inside. And right now, she couldn't be more humiliated. By the loss of status, wealth- and something else very much valuable to the female heiress and debutante.

She looked down, and a wave of anxiety and near-nausea washed over her. She felt it in her belly, her bones. And in her rising, tomato-red blush that she swore ran all the way down to her well-pedicured toes.

They were in debt. Deep, dark, insurmountable debt. That was what happened when the people you thought you could trust made a mistake. One, teensy weensy, illegal, fraudulent, dire little mistake. It cost them all dearly. She remembered waking up to shuffling, then shouting, then her own open door. She had covered herself then, clutching her nightdress to her chest, as if THAT had been embarrassing. If she only had known.

She had followed them out, caught snippets from her brother and mother and father and the maid staff that they were having their "assets" "re-po-sessed". She'd never heard such a ridiculous thing in her life. They were rich. Filthy rich. Maybe not filthy. She liked to think she brought a general lightness into every interaction she engaged in. She was airy, floaty, and above all very cool.

Except, she had never wanted to be quite this airy, this fancy free. Alexis- was a complicated woman. She was a party girl sometimes, she was a sophisticated heiress, a celebrity, a Lamborghini, a movie star- wait? Hadn't that been the theme song for her discarded near premier TV Pilot, A Little Bit Alexis? She couldn't recall.

Anyways, it had been fine, she supposed, just only mortifyingly devastating, until the rest of the family has been asked to leave the room. She supposed she should be thankful. Because of what came next. She didn't like to think about this, but the scratchy couch and the cold, very fine quality tile flooring under her feet said that she would be unable to shake the thoughts away.

Alexis Rose, heiress to the Rose fortune, former stinking rich glamour girl, celebrity- all of those things- now had a new title to add to her list of repertoire. One she didn't very much like. Not at all.

Alexis Rose, was now.....a legally endorsed, fully registered, mandatory- full body nudist.

It was something new. A government program, of the most diabolical kind. For "wayward princesses like yourself to learn a little humility and grace, and pay back your dues tenfold." The nerve. Apparently the whole thing was experimental. Her wardrobe, her assets would be seized and used to make partial payment on their debt. And then....she would serve out her new life without those assets. Exposed! Stark-naked! From head to toe? Unthinkable.

They had described it like this, as she had thrown obscenities, eventually conceding as the large looking men guarding the debt collector got closer to her. "You can either disrobe yourself, or we can do the hard part. Your call. Your wardrobe, clothing, shoes, accessories, and otherwise are now property of the federal state. You will be barred from purchase, acquisition, and adornment by such items from now until the time that this mandate may be removed. It stands indefinitely. Alexis Rose, from this moment forth, you are legally declared a nudist. Please proceed to place your final items of clothing, in this box."

And that- that sentence, that doom beyond dooms- seriously, what would she call this?- "Nature-Girl Chic?" Ew- was thrust upon her.

She had looked down, then up, then down, then up. And then a rage had overtaken her. She had flung her high heels into a corner occupied by a skinnier guard, nearly taking out his shins. She felt her bare soles on the cold tile, flexed her now-naked toes. Alexis wasn't the type of girl to go barefoot all that often- moving back to the present, as the rest of the legalese was explained, she tucked her soft, petite feet and legs underneath the rest of her bareness and returned to her thoughts, playing with a strand of brunette hair-

Anyways, she liked heels, and cute flats, and wedges- but now her peasantry had been completed with literal always-barefootedness. She didn't have ugly feet, they were cute. She was adorable, that stood for 100% of Alexis Rose, which you should take a note on. But she felt strange, feeling things where she stepped, or stood, or- having anyone look. It was just weird, ok? That also stood for when she had thrown up her dress, steaming angrily in her underwear-clad state in front of a federal officer.

It also stood for when she had ripped off her expensive Sri-Lankan imported brassiere, and her round, full, perfect examples of human breastery had tumbled forth. She had had to make due with her wavy, glorious brunette locks to even approach a semblance of decency.

It had also revealed her toned but holdable mid-section and torso, which she was proud of as well. She had a little width- healthy weight. She wasn't going to be bone-thin. She was voluptuous- but not too much. Anyways, it was cute, and soft, like all of her.

And then.....she had slowly, seething still, pulled her silk panties down to her ankles, exposing her hips, pert bubbly bottom, and- oh god, her naked pink womanhood- to everyone in the room. And then she had cried. She had howled at them. She had kicked, and screamed. And then collapsed back on that scratchy couch, naked as a babe, as the day she was born.

She would be that way forever, she knew it. Life was over. She was just another naked chick now.

Or rather ironically....the only one. At least the only one who had to take it everywhere she went.

To the mall. On cruises across the Pacific. Red carpet premieres. Coachella! (She shuddered).

And so Alexis sat, clutching her beautiful bare boobs with one arm, another hand diving to protect her treasure of treasures (unfortunately both arms accentuated the skin still on display, namely her hips, the hint of her ass, her legs, and her supple bare tummy) and she had sat in that couch, nodding and scowling, scowling and nodding. Until-

"Alexis Rose, you may now exit the premises. May you have the best of luck in your future endeavors."

She had looked at the man, with such gall, with such-

She screamed again, until the guards had picked her up, bare legs and feet kicking viciously, breasts flying, the texture of nice suits against her pitiful, bare, pale skin.

She had landed outside, on cold cobblestone. That kind of thing should never have touched HER bare skin. She sat up on her bare bottom, and screamed back at them.

"AND WHAT KIND OF SHITHOLE KIND OF PLACE DO YOU EXPECT ME TO GO NOW?"

The guard had smiled. "It was outlined, princess. It's a nice little place. Real ornery. They call it 'Schitt's Creek!"

She had looked at him with eyes like daggers, then her shoulders fell. "You've....got to be kidding me!"