In Her Prime

After years of waiting tables as a struggling script writer in Hollywood, you’ve finally gotten your big break! Famed auteur Michael Day will be directing a major movie based on your last script. To your delight, the female lead will be the gorgeous Alison Brie.

The deal is done and you’ve received your pay check. Your script now belongs to the estimable Mr Day, who will surely treat it with respect and any alterations will be made with the utmost sensitivity.

So it’s quite odd that you’ve received an invitation to Ms Brie’s home to discuss certain reservations that she has with your final draft. She should really take it up with Mr Day, but you’ve never met Alison Brie so you turn up at the allotted time like the eager fan that you are.

Alison greets you at the door and your heart skips a beat. She’s just as beautiful in the flesh as she is on screen, perhaps more so. Her sexy figure is squeezed into a tight red mini-dress. She is your fantasy girl brought to life.

“Hi Ms Brie, I’m John, the script writer,” you croak.

Alison invites you in to one of her reception rooms and offers you a drink, which you accept gratefully because your throat has inexplicably become very dry. Just when your nerves have started to calm, you notice the Satanic eyes and slavering jaws of a very big Rottweiler lying in the corner of the room. You almost drop the glass.

“The problem that I have, John, is with the sex scene,” says Alison in a business-like fashion, oblivious to your discomfort.

“Which one?” you ask. At last count your script had fourteen.

She rummages through the pages and hands them to you. “Here.”