I know every comma, every question mark, no I don't have to look, I know the words by heart

“…And that was how it started,” Nick said, staring off wistfully into the distance. “Holly fell in love with my story idea… she gave me dozens of notes, and had me bring it to the writing club we were a part of. I was hesitant at first, but Mary and Holly… they both went crazy for it. I was stunned. I knew they liked my poetry, but I never would have thought that I of all people could actually write a novel.”

Morgana noticed a hint of sadness in his expression.

“What…” Her voice cracked slightly. “What happened… next?”

Nick glanced down and sighed. “Holly… it wasn’t long after that… she ended her relationship with me. Broke things off so suddenly I was stunned. I didn’t understand back then… I didn’t know about that other side to her.”

Even now he had a hard time associating the girl who had broken his heart in college with the woman who oozed affection and love from every pore in her body.

But they were the same. He just hadn’t seen it.

“After that, Holly stopped coming to club,” Nick continued. “It became just the two of us… Mary and I. We grew closer, as she helped me with my writing. And I knew that she and Holly were still friends, but… I didn’t want to say anything. I guess part of me… part of me hoped that things would change, and we could go back to the way it was, with just the three of us.”

“Wow… this is so much better than last week… I can’t believe it,” Mary said, shaking her head. Her green eyes were wide with amazement. “It really feels like a novel now… you made all the improvements I suggested, and even changed more stuff than we talked about! But it’s so good! What brought all that on?”

“I-I don’t know, it just kind of came to me,” Nick said, shrugging a little. Mary leaned in close to study her computer screen, ambivalent to the fact that they were almost touching one another.

After Holly had started avoiding Nick, Mary had taken her position on the couch. Only she was so focused on his forming book that she didn’t even care their knees were touching.

“I’m a little jealous, honestly,” Mary admitted, sighing. “No matter what I do, I can’t seem to get anything to click! I’m making the changes that Holly suggested, but… ah!”

She gasped, and winced a little. “I’m sorry… I know… it’s kind of strange to talk about her with you, I’m so sorry…”

“No, no, it’s fine,” Nick said, shaking his head. “She’s your friend, too. And her advice is a lot more helpful than mine, I’m sure.”

“I just feel so weird,” Mary said, hanging her head and sighing. “I mean, you guys were so close… and now it’s like you don’t even want to be in the same room as each other. What happened, Nick? You can tell me… we’re friends, aren’t we?”

Nick tensed. In spite of how his friendship with Holly had collapsed over his misunderstanding of how they felt about each other, things between him and Mary had been going great these last few months. They’d grown a lot closer, and he’d even gone to church with her once or twice, when he had the time. Seeing the way she’d always light up when he entered the room, he wondered, if maybe…

But every time he considered the possibility of starting something with Mary, Holly’s face would flash through his mind.

I thought things were finally getting better… but I guess I just keep making the same mistakes, he thought bitterly.

This was just like what happened with Dani and Carly. Only this time, he’d at least managed to get his feelings out before she started ghosting him. That was… kind of progress.

Or maybe it was regression. After all, he’d confessed to Dawn more times than all the other girls in his past combined.

Mary was still staring anxiously at him, waiting for an answer. When she got determined like this, she was rather dogged like a private investigator. He wasn’t sure what he should say at this point. Sure, he could try to plead his case and make it out like Holly was the bad one… but that wouldn’t be fair.

After all, this had been his mistake, not hers. She wasn’t to blame for not having feelings for him.

“It’s my fault, kind of…” Nick mumbled sheepishly. “But it’s not that big of a deal I don’t think… just a tiny little spat.”

He **** a smile to his lips, hoping that if he said that, it would remain true.

Mary sighed in relief. “Oh, that’s good… you guys were so close… I was afraid it was something serious.”

She placed her hand over Nick’s and turned so she was facing him on the couch. “I’m really worried about you, Nick.”

“W-worried?” Nick stammered. “About… me?”

“Of course!” Mary’s eyes watered, and she clutched his hand a little harder. “The stuff you’re writing here… even your poetry… it’s all so dark and painful. It’s beautifully written, I won’t lie, but every time I read it… it feels like my heart is breaking a little.”

Nick winced. “That’s… sorry. I wrote this stuff when I was in a really dark place in my life.”

Mary’s concerned expression deepened after hearing that. “Oh no… I’m so sorry…”

“No, no, it’s fine,” Nick said, shaking his head frantically. He didn’t want to worry the poor girl! “It’s kind of hard to explain, but… it’s not that big an issue anymore.”

“Oh…” The redhead’s brow furrowed. “Well… would you like to talk about it?”

Nick really didn’t. Dakota… just thinking about her hurt. But at the same time, Mary was really concerned about him. And it just felt wrong, trying to keep things secret from her. There was nothing that the redhead hated more than a lie.

She must have seen that this was troubling him, though, because she lightened her grip on his hand and just patted it, instead.

“Judging from your expression… it must be something really hard to share, huh?” She asked quietly.

Nick swallowed the bile in his mouth and nodded weakly.

“Then… you don’t have to tell me everything, okay?” Mary offered, smiling a little. “Just whatever you’re comfortable with. I’m worried about you, Nick. Because you’re my… my friend.”

She quickly averted her eyes after that last part, and then they slowly slid back to meet his. He pretended not to see anything, but internally he was delighted. Unlike Holly, whose feelings were impossible to discern, Mary was much more upfront and honest.

Of course, he’d thought that about Holly, too… maybe this would just be more of the same.

The fear of losing his relationship with Mary the same way he had with Holly was what kept him from expressing his feelings to her.

But there were other feelings he could share instead.

“When I was a kid, something really bad happened to me,” he said, trying to be as vague as possible. He didn’t want to let on what had happened with Dakota if he could help it. He wasn’t ready to reopen those old wounds. “And it… it kind of messed me up,” he admitted.

“Messed you up… how?” Mary asked.

“I would have these bad dreams every night,” Nick said, shaking his head. “My parents, they were really worried about me… they sent me to therapists, they even took me to London for a summer, for a change of pace… but nothing ever changed. It was like I had this anchor wrapped around my throat and it was dragging me down, making me all depressed and hostile to everyone I met…”

He bit his lip, feeling bitterness leach into his heart.

“I ruined a lot of good relationships because of my negativity and overattachment,” he admitted. “I was so afraid of… of…”

Of losing anyone else.

“…I was just afraid. So I would latch onto people who were nice to me, and try to get close to them. But for some reason or another, I was too intense… too ****… and they all cut me out of their lives, which just hurt even more.”

He thought about Dawn and Dani, and how his intense feelings had ruined things with them. Hell, even Carly had abandoned him in the end.

“I’m sorry you had to go through that,” Mary said softly. She could see now why the poetry he wrote was so dark and sad, and so filled with longing and loss.

“But hey, it’s getting better now,” Nick said, trying to **** a smile onto his face. He didn’t want to see Mary looking down, even if it was for his sake. “I can’t really explain it. But it’s like… once I got to college, everything changed.”

Mary perked up at that. “R-really?”

“Yeah,” he nodded. “It was like all that pain, that weight I’d been carrying all those years, it was like, once I was out of that town, once I was really living my own life again… it was like I’d set it down and it hurt a little less. I was able to handle things better, I didn’t slip into fits of depression or anger anymore… and even my dreams took a turn for the better.”

Back in high school, he’d dreamed of Dakota’s **** every night. He saw her face twisted in shock and pain, her fists pounding against the surface of the water like she was trying to reach him.

Those dreams had seriously messed him up. But now he was dealing with his grief much better. In fact, even when Carly dropped out of school and cut off all contact with him, that hadn’t hurt as much as the girls who’d come before.

But Holly…

Losing Holly had felt like a backslide. That’s why he didn’t want to drive Mary away, too.

“I’m feeling better now, though,” he asserted himself again. He didn’t want to seem like too much of a loser. He’d read online that once a girl felt sorry for you, there was no way she’d start seeing you in an attractive light.

And Nick very much wanted his newest crush to see him in an attractive light.

“…I’m…” Mary didn’t really know what to say. “I’m glad you’re doing better,” she said, forcing a smile out. “Listen, Nick… this book… what you have here… it’s really something special. It feels real. Like you put your heart and soul into writing it.”

Nick swallowed, and then he nodded. “I did.”

“Then it’s important we get it done, don’t you agree?” Mary asked. “I promise, any help you need, I’ll be there for you! We’ll make this book perfect for sure!”

Nick couldn’t help but smile. The redhead’s enthusiasm and helpful nature was practically infectious. He nodded.

But those good times didn’t last long. Oh, sure, at first, he and Mary were getting closer and closer by the day. Spending all their time together joking around and looking every bit the young couple falling in love.

Then something changed.

Nick had never been able to pinpoint exactly when it had happened. But somewhere along the way, Mary had started to distance herself. She wouldn’t respond to his texts as fast, and her answers weren’t as engaged as they had been in previous conversations. She was a lot terser and more withdrawn. Nick just figured she was under a lot of school pressure, and didn’t say anything. After all, they still met every week to go over his book.

She kept her word. Without fail, she worked hard in helping him make his book the best it could be. She attacked the work with a singular devotion that frightened even him, but he appreciated it. He hoped that when the pressure of getting it finished, edited, and published was finally done, they could go back to how they were before.

But after the book was finished, Mary never spoke to him again.

She’d promised him she’d help him finish his book.

A finished book was all he got.

“…And that’s how it went,” he sighed, looking down. “Until I came here, I never knew why they had both cut me out so suddenly and without hesitation.”

Morgana looked like she was on the verge of tears. “Those… those… those catty bitches!” She exclaimed, standing up. “How could they do something like that?!”

“No, it’s not what you think!” Nick hopped to his feet and grabbed her wrist before she ran off and did something she’d regret. He could see the manic look in her eye, and he knew that wouldn’t help anyone. “Look, this whole thing… it’s water under the bridge. You saw how Mary and I are, and Holly, well… look, the point is, I moved past all that a while ago. That’s not the point I was trying to make with my story.”

Morgana blinked, and stared at him quizzically. “Then… why DID you tell me that?”

“Because what they did for me… even if they didn’t care for me by the end of it… it mattered,” Nick said softly. “And yeah, thanks to my broken heart, and losing all my friends, my senior year was wrecked. And I waited a while before I ended up publishing my book because of it. But that doesn’t change the fact that if it wasn’t for Holly and Mary, I never would have gotten this far in the first place. They were the ones who turned me into a writer. I would have just been writing out my pain on paper for my eyes only if not for them.”

Morgana shifted on her feet, feeling a little uncomfortable. She wasn’t sure how she was supposed to respond to that.

“That book meant a lot to me,” Nick continued. “You’re right, I poured my heart and soul into those pages. And I think you could do something like that, too.”

Morgana’s eyes widened. “R-really? You think… you think I could write a story, too?”

Nick shrugged. “Sure, why not?”

Then again, this WAS Morgana he was talking to. He dreaded the kind of story that girl might come up with.

But at least the goth girl was smiling again.

It lasted for a full two minutes.

“…It wouldn’t matter anyway,” she muttered, practically sinking down into the floor. “Even if I could write something, even if it would be good… no one would actually want to read it…”

Nick sighed. When he first met Morgana, he thought she was unflinchingly optimistic about everything, to a level that might even be called insanity.

But it was clear now that was a cope. Inside, she was hurting, she was just using her obsessive nature, blunt personality, and delusional mindset to conceal that pain from everyone else.

He saw a lot of himself reflected in the poor goth girl. He wanted to help her.

“Look, Morgana, I don’t think you’re giving yourself enough credit,” he said, crouching back down and patting her on the back. “Look, I get it, I’ve been where you are. I’ve faced those ‘nobody likes me, I’m an awful person, I hate myself and have no friends’ moments too. But trust me, that’s going to pass.”

“Liar…” Morgana sniffled, looking up at him through tearstained eyes. “It’s always the same, no matter what. I act like a weirdo, and people don’t want anything to do with me. So I act like even more of a weirdo to pretend I don’t care… I’m such a loser! I know the problem, but I just can’t stop myself!”

At least she knew the problem. That was a start.

“I felt the same way,” Nick pressed. “After Dakota died… I just let the negativity and pain consume me. And then, with each rejection, whether directly or indirectly, that darkness seemed to grow a little more. But I managed to move past it. I tried to change myself. And now look at me. I just got married yesterday. That can happen to you, too.”

Morgana’s eyes widened and she looked up at Nick in amazement.

“You mean… you would really be willing to marry me? You’re not just saying that!?” She gasped, color returning to her pale cheeks.

Nick, on the other hand, turned pale himself to compensate.

“W-well, that wasn’t quite what I…” He mentally slapped himself in the face. He’d been so focused on helping Morgana that her obsessive lust for him had completely slipped his mind. She was already backsliding in a dangerous way.

“I promise, Mary isn’t the only one who will make a good wife for you!” The goth girl urged him. “I’d be so perfect! I mean, I can’t cook… or clean… or do much of anything, but… hey! Come on, feel this!” She grabbed Nick’s hand and pushed it against her chest. “Feels pretty good, right?! I can definitely satisfy you in the bedroom, you just need to give me a chance!”

Master Touched Her Boobs! +2 VP

“Morgana! No, we’re not doing that right now!” Nick tore his hand away from Morgana’s chest, but the sensation of her squishy breast, like an enormous marshmallow covered in silk, remained. His face was bright red.

Morgana’s face was red too, but she was on the verge of tears.

“I-I knew it…” She mumbled, sniffling. “You were just lying… you don’t want me either, even though I look like this…”

“N-no, that’s not what I meant,” Nick said quickly, knowing he was going to regret this but unable to disappoint her, either. “Look, Morgana, we barely know each other. It’s too early for something like that, don’t you think? We should save that for when we really get to know one another. Like you said, you were just attached to some superficial version of me. Don’t you want to get to know the real me, first, before you decide to devote yourself entirely to me?”

The words Nick spoke were rational ones, but they lived in an irrational universe. After all, like it or not, Morgana was aiming for a spot in his harem. She didn’t want to be eliminated and remain a friendless loser, so she was playing to win.

She just didn’t think she could do it.

With a sigh, Nick took a look at her **** face and **** a smile to his own.

“Tell you what,” he finally said. “If you’re worried about people not liking you, I’m sure that’s not the case.”

“It is,” Morgana mumbled. “Not even you like me…”

“Of course I like you!” Nick exclaimed.

“But you don’t want to have sex with me.” Her words carried the bitter resignation of a girl who’d been rejected completely.

“That’s… that’s two different things,” Nick mumbled.

Morgana looked away, and he sighed.

There was no fighting it at this point. He’d been trying to dance around the issue so as not to seem like some skeevy perv, but honestly, it didn’t really matter now.

“Morgana… you ARE attractive,” Nick assured her. As much as it made him cringe to say it to a girl nearly ten years his junior, he couldn’t deny that fact. “And it’s not that I don’t WANT to be with you. It’s just that if I’m going to be with you, I want it to be after we get to know each other more. I know there’s a great girl inside there, she’s just hiding behind her disguise as a witch. And I want to see the real her, okay?”

He reached out and tucked her bangs behind her ear, opening up her face to the world. “When we get to know each other for real… and you decide that you DO like the real me, then we’ll see where this goes, okay?”

Right now, he doubted the sincerity of Morgana’s feelings. He had from the start, frankly. She latched onto him to fulfill some fantasy, but if he responded to her right now then one of two things would happen. Either she’d fall even deeper into the rabbit hole and her obsession would only intensify to the point of being a barely-functioning sex **** like Holly, or she would mature out of this phase and become disgusted with the actions of her past self, and with him, as well, for “taking advantage” of her.

Until Morgana became comfortable enough in her own skin to where she didn’t need to constantly seek his approval and validation, he didn’t want to do anything to disrupt that delicate balance.