I doesn't matter, as long as I just keep playing... (Pink Trigger's Power >5999)

This game is... terrible. It is, without doubt, one of the most troubling experiences I've faced. You've built my Pink Trigger up this far, so you know... I've encountered all kinds of hardships. Annoyances. Trials. Pain. ****. Suffering. Loss.

BATTLEGOATS embodied all of that and so much more.

It was a new hell as bad as any that you can imagine. I felt like Lambdadelta had found a way to **** me that was every bit as bad as what she would wish upon her worst enemies.

At first, that kid-like witch was loving it. She couldn't get enough. Seeing Stab, Slice, and Squish get killed by all manner of human contraptions as they tried to set a foot past Rokkenjima's beach and up onto the path leading to the mansion brought her no end of amusement. Stage 1-1. It stayed there, never changing. I never could past that stage. Her cackle echoed through the room, even as the pink light faded to darkness with a low night light. She kicked her legs with joy, watching me struggle.

Yes, that's right. You just keep watching, Lady Lambdadelta.

I knew it... That girl's falling asleep. There's diminishing returns on anything. She can't just watch these poor goats die over and over again forever. Are you part of the streaming generation? Then you know people won't watch on and on if nothing interesting is happening.

Eventually, I began to subtly modify my strategy. I died in the same way over and over. I would pretend I'd get past something, only to fall back into my same routine of losing over and over. I stopped saying anything. I just played wordlessly.

There! She's sleeping!

You might expect that I'd take this time to get in some erotic action. Unfortunately, no. I have barely a second left on my clock. In just a moment, something will kill me.

I'm going to "beat" BATTLEGOATS. How, you ask? I restarted the game and set it back to the press START screen.

I gently nudged Lambda's shoulder. Lady Lambdadelta... Look. It's finished. I beat the game.

"Huh... Bwuh?" she asked, with a string of sleepy drool hanging from one side of her mouth as she picked her head up from the pillow. "Huh... Okay... I don't care at all..."

Her head fell back upon the pillow, but I could tell she'd acknowledged me. Success! For good measure, I pulled the game from the console while it was still running and threw it at my feet. I stomped on it and did a gleeful dance atop it. Diiiiie, BATTLEGOATS! You'll never haunt me again!

The cartridge exploded. I became fireworks for my own victory.