I can't keep my eyes shut, you talk not to listen

Gina wasn’t sure what she was looking at. Dakota was standing in front of the hotel’s bar lounge, with a wine bottle rolling on the floor next to her. She was wobbling back and forth like a drunkard, and her face was flushed like a drunkard, and her eyes were unfocused like a drunkard, all signs that the punk girl recognized well.

But she wasn’t sure if Dakota was actually drunk or not. It was honestly hard to tell. The wobbling could be due to fatigue or stress; the blurry eyes could be due to the same. And the flushed cheeks? Well, even with her pale skin, it was clear that Dakota was feeling quite a bit of rage at the moment, and honestly, Gina wasn’t sure what she should do about it.

“You okay, Dakota?” She asked reluctantly, not sure what kind of answer she would get, or what kind of answer she wanted to get, for that matter.

Anger flashed across Dakota’s face, and Gina bristled. Well, that answered that question.

“Do I look okay?” Dakota sneered at the only person on the island she could possibly still call a friend at this point. Just a sign of how bad of a day she was having. While Dakota had mostly avoided Gina up to now given how complicated their relationship had come, right now she was having a delightful time unloading her frustration upon the other woman.

Because, to answer Gina’s question, no. Dakota was most definitely NOT okay. And it was obvious just by looking at her. Even someone as dense as Gina could tell, which was why she’d asked in the first place.

Which was, apparently, the wrong thing to do.

Then a twisted smile stretched its way across Dakota’s face.

“Come on, Gina, it should be obvious, shouldn’t it?” She sneered, sauntering towards her old, dear friend with a swagger in her step. The hair on the back of Gina’s neck stood up, and she bristled.

“I’m obviously okay. I’m the host, aren’t I?” Dakota placed her hand over her chest, which she puffed out with pride. Because that’s who she was, the sort of woman who carried herself with pride and looked down her nose at those who dared to look down at her.

Of course, Dakota knew that her performance wouldn’t fool anyone. Rose would actually think less of her if she saw the terrible act she’d put on for Gina’s appraisal.

But did she care?

No.

Because Dakota knew that Gina knew her place. She wouldn’t push the issue. She wouldn’t pry. That wasn’t her style. Maybe if she cared about Dakota she might say something, out of obligation, like she had just now. But after Dakota practically challenged her to say otherwise? After she stated clearly and plainly that she was alright?

Gina, coward that she was, would back off. Because that was the easiest thing to do.

She could see it all over the other woman’s face. Gina’s were tense, like she wasn’t sure what she should do. Exactly what Dakota was hoping for. She narrowed her eyes into a glare, all but goading her, knowing that Gina would certainly-

“Then why… why does it look like you’ve been crying?” Gina asked quietly.

Dakota froze. She wasn’t sure what had struck her harder, the question Gina had asked or the fact that she’d said anything at all, when that wasn’t her place.

It completely threw her off. And as a result, the “What?” that passed Dakota’s lips wasn’t an utterance of indignant fury like she’d meant it to be, but the meek sputtering of someone who was very, very confused.

Gina gave her a hard look that left Dakota even more shaken, as if the punk girl had somehow found some long-lost courage somewhere deep in her large bosom.

“I… I’m not crying,” Dakota snapped, taking a step back and tightening her grip around her cane. “It’s simply been a very long day, that’s all.”

“You smell like a liquor store,” Gina pointed out, and she would know. Her heart was pounding in her chest and every word she spoke was done with immense hesitation, due to her wariness to confront Dakota directly given the circumstances. But did she really have a choice?

It felt like backing off was what Dakota wanted her to do. And Gina may have taken the path of least resistance all her life, but right now it felt like if she did it again, if she did it here and now… something would change. And not in a good way.

This wasn’t how tonight was supposed to go for Gina. She had no idea what had happened to Dakota that constituted a “bad day” but she figured it must have been serious. Not at all like the problems Gina had been coming to drink herself free of. She’d come to the bar for a quick drink to take the edge off, due to her wariness about tomorrow, and her “real” date with Nick! That was all!

And she’d found herself in a mess, as usual. The sort of mess she would have tried to avoid like the plague if she was still the burnout derelict she used to be.

But after a life full of bad choices, Gina had finally decided that she didn’t want to make another massive one. So even though Dakota looked like she wanted to **** her, she needed to be there for her friend.

If Dakota even counted as a friend at this point.

“Look, Dakota, I don’t know what happened, but nobody comes stumbling out of a bar with a frustrated look on their face because things are going great for them,” Gina snapped. “I know because I’ve been that girl more often than not.”

“It’s none of your business,” Dakota snapped at her, and Gina couldn’t deny that was the truth. She nodded, giving her old friend a begrudging shrug, because she knew Dakota was right.

But…

So what?

“Maybe it’s not,” she conceded, taking a step closer to her. Dakota flinched, turning defensive with her body language in a way that made Gina freeze. She knew this was dangerous territory she was dancing with, but…

If Gina was the kind of person who prioritized her safety and health, she wouldn’t be where she was today, would she?

“…But I still want to help you, if I can,” she finished, giving Dakota one last shrug.

Dakota stared incredulously at the other woman and slowly shook her head in disbelief.

“…You’re not serious,” she muttered. “You’re not.”

“Why not?” Gina challenged her, looking firmly into the other woman’s eyes. “Is it so hard to believe that I’d be worried about my friend? That I’d want to help her out, when I see that she’s in a pretty rough place, by the looks of things?”

Dakota snorted. “Friend? …Come on, Gina, don’t make me laugh.” She shook her head again. “You’re actually saying that to me? You? You’re calling ME of all people a friend?”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Gina demanded. “What, you got some other friends stashed away on the island somewhere that I don’t know about? I invited you to my slumber party, remember? You’re still my friend, Dakota, haven’t I made that clear enough to you by now?”

She took another step closer to the host, ignoring the wary look in Dakota’s eyes.

“We’re friends,” she said firmly. “You got a problem with that?”

Dakota honestly didn’t know what to say. She just stared at the other woman as Gina’s words sank in.

“…You must be crazy,” she said finally, shaking her head. “You stupid, crazy girl… I knew you were dumb, but haven’t you gotten it through your head by now?! I’m not anyone’s friend here. I’m the host of the show!”

“And what, that means you’re not allowed to have friends or something!?” Gina snapped. “Come off it, I’m not THAT clueless! Even Sylvia had friends when she was running things, and she was actually legit crazy!”

Not that Dakota wasn’t even more crazy, but that wasn’t the point here.

“What I’m saying is that as the host, it’s not my job to make friends,” Dakota snapped. She was so fucking done with Gina right now, with everybody. She needed another fucking drink… not that it would fucking do anything.

But when she tried to step around the other woman, Gina cut her off. She shook her head firmly and looked Dakota dead in the eye, as if to say that there was zero chance of the host getting around her until they talked.

Of course, it was entirely foolish. After all, Dakota could be across the island with the tap of her cane. Or send Gina across the island instead, if she wished. She had more than enough power to ensure that Gina’s unspoken threat was as empty and worthless as the wine bottle beside her shoe.

But Dakota didn’t do that. She wasn’t quite sure why she didn’t; maybe because she couldn’t be bothered to make the effort?

Whatever the reason, she just didn’t. Instead she stared at Gina with a withering look in her eyes, and a scowl on her lips, as the two shared a nonverbal sparring match with their gazes.

“…Why do you even care?” Dakota muttered, tearing her eyes away first. “Calling yourself my friend… you must really be pathetic and **** to do something so stupid.”

Gina shook her head. She didn’t care about the barbs or insults the host flung at her. Those didn’t matter. No, she was concerned about Dakota because Dakota was her friend and she cared about her, and that was that.

Maybe it wasn’t healthy to try and be friends with someone who was so venomous and abusive. In fact, it almost certainly wasn’t. But again, Gina didn’t have the best knack for living a healthy lifestyle, did she?

“I’m not your friend because I’m lonely,” Gina said. “I’m your friend because I’m your friend, Dakota. And right now, it looks like you could use one.”

Dakota sneered contemptuously at her so-called “friend” and shook her head. “Oh! I see how it is! I get it now!” She cackled, holding her sides. “So it’s pity! That’s what your friendship is born out of, I see! Pity for poor, sad little Dakota, crying all by herself in the bar!”

Gina raised her eyebrow. “So you were crying?”

The smile slid off Dakota’s face.

“Of course I fucking wasn’t,” she growled at the other woman. “Didn’t you fucking hear me before, you cunt?”

Gina rolled her eyes and sighed in exasperation. Of course, curse words now, she should have expected as much coming from her. Like THAT would shake Gina’s resolve in the slightest?

Come on. Dakota should know better than that.

“I’m not going to be scared off by a few mean words, Dakota, and I think we both know that,” Gina said bluntly, leering at the other woman. “So how about you stop with the theatrics and you stop being so defensive, and we just talk to one another like normal fucking people for once? Please?”

She looked at Dakota with a pleading expression on her face. “I’m begging you here, girl!”

Dakota looked sourly at Gina. She understood what Gina was trying to do. And maybe on some level she wasn’t about to explore or unpack, she even appreciated it.

But she wasn’t about to give Gina the opportunity to look into her heart and peel back the layers and see what she was feeling.

She’d gone through that humiliation already this morning, and she wasn’t exactly looking for a repeat.

“…Gina, I just can’t with you at this point,” she muttered, shaking her head. “Really, I just can’t…”

Gina recognized the expression on her former friend’s face. It was the look of a woman who had reached the absolute end of her rope. She could tell that, at this point, Dakota was too tired to voice her objections with any strength or reasoning behind them.

She just wanted to be done.

Normally, Gina would have obliged her, out of sympathy if nothing else. But she hardened her heart and accepted the very real likelihood that Dakota would absolutely curse her out, and stepped forward with a firm expression on her face.

“Dakota!” She said, reaching out and placing a gentle hand on her friend’s shoulder. She didn’t miss the way Dakota flinched in her grasp.

“H-hey…” Dakota was too exhausted to raise any serious objection. She looked warily up at the other woman, who had her face locked in a look of concern.

“I’m here for you,” Gina said with all the sincerity she could muster. It was a strange feeling, being the one to extend care like this. Gina definitely felt out of place doing so. But she knew that she needed to. Because Dakota…

Dakota needed someone who could do that for her.

Even if she didn’t want to accept it.

“…What?” A look of incredulous disbelief spread in a smile across Dakota’s face as she stared in dumbfounded shock at the woman trying to comfort her. “…Are you fucking serious right now?” She asked.

But Gina noticed that she didn’t pull away from her hand.

“Yes,” Gina said adamantly, her hand remaining tightly on her friend’s shoulder. She gave it a reassuring squeeze. “Even if you don’t want me to be here for you, Dakota. I still am. Because I’m your friend. And that’s not going to change.”

“…After everything I’ve done…” Dakota just shook her head. This time she did pull away from Gina, closing her arms over her chest and taking several steps backwards. “What, are you trying to be like fucking Mary now, then? Don’t bother, Gina, it doesn’t suit you.”

“I don’t know about that,” Gina replied, shaking her head, “but what I do know is that if your friend is hurting, and drowning their sorrows in booze, the least you can do is share a drink with them. Chase the **** down with some companionship.”

Dakota smirked at her. “Really… companionship, huh…”

“I know you’ve done some really shitty stuff, Dakota,” Gina said, not pretending that her old friend was someone she was not. She wasn’t blind to reality.

Gina had changed quite a lot from that sweet, meek girl she used to be. And Dakota had changed even more.

But those changes didn’t mean they couldn’t still be friends. It didn’t mean that Gina couldn’t try to understand the pain the other woman was going through.

“So what, none of it matters to you, is that it?” Dakota ranted, starting to unravel as frustration flooded her veins. “You know I’ve hurt people, right? Come on, you’re not that naïve! You saw what I did to Sylvia! I’m a monster, and what, you want to be friends with me!? Are you fucking touched in the head or something!?”

Gina pulled back, surprised by the sudden outburst. Not because of the rage, but because of what Dakota was actually saying.

It was hard to come to terms with, but…

“Dakota, you… are you serious? You actually feel bad about what you did to Sylvia?” To Gina, who had watched with horror as her old friend essentially murdered her own child (even if Sylvia had been brought back) this was a massive shift in perspective on Dakota’s part.

A good first step. The sort of progress Gina never would have thought possible from her.

And it was clear Dakota was only now realizing what it was she’d even blurted out unwittingly, because her eyes widened and her face went pale as she looked at Gina, and processed the words that had just come from her mouth.

“N-no,” she muttered, shaking her head and taking another step back. “That wasn’t what I…”

“Dakota, that’s a good thing!” Gina exclaimed, following after her. “I mean, you were so angry before, and the stuff you did… but you see it’s wrong now! That’s great! That’s progress! Even… even if the stuff you did was awful, that’s still-!”

Gina knew better than most people what it felt like to deal with guilt. There were more things than she could count that she felt guilty about, and the more she thought about them, the worse she felt.

Having spent so many years feeling responsible for Dakota’s ****, she’d sought escape at the bottom of the bottle.

Just like Dakota was doing now.

“You can’t drink your guilt away, Dakota,” Gina said.

“I fucking know!” Dakota snapped petulantly at her. “I’m the fucking host of the show! That means I can’t get drunk!”

Gina blinked. “Oh, uh… I meant, um…” That wasn’t what she’d been trying to say.

“Yeah, I know what you fucking meant,” Dakota muttered, glaring at her. “Just forget about it. Just forget…”

She was too tired to deal with this.

Way too fucking tired.

She should just use her powers and fucking leave already.

So why wasn’t she!? Why was she still standing in the middle of the hallway, listening to Gina preach at her and tell her how much she cared about her, talking about how she forgave Dakota and that it didn’t matter that Dakota had done so much bad stuff in her life, that they were still friends?

The answer was obvious, of course, and it would have been obvious to anyone except Dakota herself, too.

Because deep down inside, Dakota couldn’t acknowledge the simple fact that on some level, she wanted Gina to come back to the bar and share a drink with her.

She wanted what Gina was offering her. Someone to share a drink with, to commiserate with, someone to just be there for her and tell her that it was going to be alright.

Companionship.

Friendship.

Things that Dakota used to have.

And things that she no longer deserved.

“I’m done with you,” she interrupted what Gina was about to say, glaring at her former friend with furious eyes. “You go and enjoy your new life, Gina, with Nick and the rest of them, and never speak to me again.”

It was incredibly childish, of course. After all, Dakota was the host and Gina was a contestant. There was no feasible way that the two of them would never speak again.

But Dakota still felt pretty smug and self-assured as she turned away from the silent punk girl and headed down the hall.

Until Gina threw her arms around her in a hug from behind, holding her tightly as her warmth flooded into her.

And just like that, the dam burst, and Dakota collapsed into the other woman’s arms and bawled her eyes out.