I'm Reviewing The Situation

They do say that absence makes the heart grow fonder and Joni Mitchell frequently sings "don't it always seem to go that you don't know what you've got till it's gone." Therefore you'd think I'd be missing the girl that could make all my darkest fantasies come true like crazy wouldn't you - but you'd be wrong. By the time I got home, I was cognizant of just one thing; this girl scared the crap out of me. Okay, I have a few loose morals when it comes to sex, but I'm certainly no killer. This Mary, or Maria, or whatever her name was was clearly insane and in her presence, it would appear that her insanity was catching. When she was speaking of us drowning naked girls in baths together, I genuinely felt attracted to the idea of having full body contact with a terrified, struggling female and positively thrilled at the prospect of feeling and seeing her actually die under me. Now, the idea scared me witless. I found myself trembling at the thought and not in a good way Turning on the TV, I sought distraction from my unsettling thoughts but the first thing appearing on the screen was a re-run of Alfred Hitchcock's Dial M for ****. I swiftly turned the TV off and considered going back to bed instead. However, I quickly realised I had little chance of sleeping in my bed whilst my most pressing impulse was to hide under it. This just wasn't me. This kid was destroying me. This girl most definitely had to go.

But how was I going to get rid of her? The blindingly obvious answer of evicting her for non payment of rent was never going to be a viable option if the moment I came into her presence, she seduced me into playing dirty daddies and daughters with her. Even though I felt like cringing at the thought, my cock eagerly twitched in response. She still had that little bit of me under her spell and where my cock led, sooner or later, I was by my very horny nature, doomed to follow. Before the morning was out, I was seriously considering castration.

It was mid afternoon by the time an almost viable solution occurred to me. If I allowed her to remain in her room rent free, I'd never need to visit her in person again. But even so, I still know I had a killer in my property with a strong desire to kill again - and what if she chose another of my tenants as her next victim? Surely, I had a duty of care towards them, particularly the ones I fancied shagging. Worse still, what if she viewed my distancing myself from her as rejection and came after me in a homicidal rage, intent on reeking fatal retribution?

I could always go to the police of course. I could tell of her confession about the **** of her mother and it's implication concerning the so called "accidental" **** of her father. But.....and this was a seriously big but......my involvement with her would automatically lead to my more sleazy activities being investigated and I certainly didn't want that.

So what other options were left. I could think of only two: hire a hit-man or kill her myself.....from a safe distance. I quickly ruled out the hit-man idea on the grounds that it would cost money and if the hit-man were ever caught, he could take me down with him. The problem with killing her myself was, as I've already said, I'm not a killer by nature. A sexual predator maybe, but definitely not one attracted to the thought of taking life for the fun of it. I was being driven to this. It was her or me and as I saw it, I had a perfect right to defend myself.

So, precisely how does a landlord go about killing a seemingly immovable bad tenant? I scanned an old newspaper for inspiration and was rewarded by the a story headed "Residential Property Condemned As ****-trap".

Of course! That was it! I could rig up her room to kill her. Faulty electrics maybe? My thoughts turned to the "accidental" killing of her father. How had she done that and just how had she got away with it? It would surely be a kind of poetic justice if the same thing happened to her. The only snag with this idea was that in order to find the answers to these questions, I'd have to get all close up and personal with the monstrous M once more. On the plus side, I'd probably end up shagging her one more time and it has to be said that she was an incredibly good fuck. When she went all little girly on me and told me how fabulous it felt to have her daddy's magnificent penis pumping hot, virile spunk into her, that really excited my inner sexual demon. Still, as they say, it's an ill wind that......blows a saxophone ....or something.