"I'll write a note asking Coach Mullins to excuse you from class today," said Randall, cheerfully. "Perks of your best friend being a teacher." Taking a pass from inside one of the desk drawers, she quickly scribbled on one and handed it to you.
Putting down your backpack and sitting down on top of a desk you asked, "So what's up? What's been going on?"
"Fucking A, Tim. I don't even know where to begin," she said with a sigh. Though Randall was obviously distressed, you couldn't help but smile a bit. She had always been a bit foulmouthed and with the proper way she had been speaking in class, you had been worried she was actually becoming more and more like Miss Card. Talking like her normal self gave you a bit of relief.
"Well, what happened after Allison dropped you back at the apartment?" you suggested.
"Nothing really, at first," she started. "After she dropped me off, I was actually kinda wishing that I had stayed. I did want some time alone, but being back at Miss Card's place by myself was kinda freaky. Having her body, living in her home, it was just weird. Anyway, I don't think I could've spent anymore time around your mom. I was worried she was going to tie me up pantyhose and smother me with tampons and makeup." The two of you shared a hearty laugh. Talking was definitely assuaging your fears of how things were going to be with you back at school. "I was actually more worried about her trying to make me sleep in Tabitha's room on account of... ya know?" She gestured to herself.
"Yeah, I wouldn't have been surprised," you said. "Mom's always been like that." Though she was surprising lenient with Allison, you thought to yourself.
Randall continued, "So, I'm trying to figure out what to do and so I start messing around on her laptop. Most of her stuff was crazy boring, but I found the freaking motherload: her diary." You were all ears. "Not that exciting at first. Mostly old boyfriends, stuff like that, but when I caught up to last year, there was all kinds of crazy stuff. Dude, you know how we always thought Miss Card was super sweet and innocent?"
"Yeah." Miss Card was easily one of the sweetest people you'd ever met.
"She was definitely, genuinely sweet, but she was NOT that innocent." You make a bit of a face at that. "Dude, I'm not kidding. For example, when she moved here last year and interviewed for the job, she blew Principal Johnson."
"So you are telling me that Miss Card actually blew Johnson's johnson?" you said with a smirk. There is a pause and then the two of you laugh for a straight minute. "Anything else like that?"
"She did it again for a raise during evaluations last year. I think she did it a couple of other times with him, just for kicks. Weird as hell, but it seems like she actually really liked giving blow jobs," Randall said, sounding amused, but disgusted. You couldn't help, but wonder if she would do it to the Principal, or, for that matter, you. "Turns out that she's a terrible drunk. Last year's Christmas party, she got really slammed and made out with Sweaty Swanson."
"Gross, dude," you said with mock disgust. "I guess that explains that message on your phone a bit."
"Yeah," she said with some annoyance. "Bastard got lucky and now I have to deal with it. Speaking of which, there was some unnamed guy she kept mentioning a bunch. Miss Card was sleeping with him on the regular and it sounded like it was starting to get serious. At least, until the accident..."
"Have you gotten any texts or calls? Any idea who it is?"
"Not a clue. Amanda and Carla blow up my phone all the time though." You stare blankly. "Miss Wells and Miss Espisota. My 'besties'. Who knew hot women could be so annoying? They've been buzzing around me a lot since the beginning of last week. All they seem to want to talk about is dudes and shoes. On the upside, shopping with them is more fun than I expected it to be." A mischievous smile crossed her lips.
"How so?" you inquired.
"Both of them changing and undressing in front of me, Tim. My God. I didn't know whether to be glad my dick was gone or sad it wasn't there. I would have had the biggest, most embarrassing boner of a lifetime." Damn, you thought. Lucky bastard! You were jealous imagining the sight. "I didn't forget you, buddy. I got pictures."
"Holy shit! Really, Randall?" you asked excitedly.
"00Randall delivers from behind enemy lines," she said proudly. Taking out her phone, she sets up the pictures and hands it over to you.
"Dude, this is unbelievable." As you thumb through the pictures of Miss Wells and Miss Espisota in various states of dress and undress, you are in awe that Randall was able to get that close to these women, let alone get them to on board for pictures. "How in the world did you convince them to do this?" you asked.
"A little pushing and prodding, not really a big deal," she said, nonchalantly. "I guess that's how some girls get hanging out with the besties. Dude, I hate that fucking word, but hanging around with them I have to use it all the damn time."
"Pictures like these, fair trade, " you said, still enraptured by the images. You hand her the phone back. "I put my number in your phone by the way. Sorry I left you hanging, man."
"Not your fault, Tim." After a slight pause, she said, "Had my period. Got that out of the way."
"Gross, Randall!" you exclaimed.
"Actually, not as gross as you'd think. I don't know why girls complain so much. It was literally just a couple drops of blood and a little cramping. I didn't even have to use any of the period stuff your mom gave me," she explained.
"Are you sure that was your period?" you asked. When Tabitha started her period last year, you didn't think she was exaggerating about the pain and the mess.
"Yeah," she said. "Felt a little queasy the next morning, but cleared right up. Guess I'm pretty lucky." You nodded.
"Did you go to your follow up appointment at the hospital?"
"Yeah, last Wednesday," she answered. "I had quite a few questions for the docs by that point. Mostly I was concerned about how I was able to do all sorts of stuff I'd never done before. They gave me a big spiel with lot's of medical mumbo-jumbo, but what I got out of it was this. They didn't put my whole brain in this body; Saunders said they needed to keep much of her brain in tact in order for me to function in this body. So they transplanted whatever part supposedly contained my memories - my consciousness, I guess. Kerry was very curious and asked a lot of questions, but didn't act surprised. If I remember correctly, they were basically saying that the brain stores different kinds of information in different areas. So I'm still me, but as new neural pathways form I would be able to access certain kinds of information from the rest of Miss Card's brain. Unfortunately, because it is still mostly Miss Card's brain in here, it could effect me in other ways. The docs said the big switch was that I'll probably end up liking guys..." You both sat silently for a moment. That would help explain your encounter the other night. Still you didn't really know what you could say of any kind of consolation. She continued, "Outside of that, he said that I would probably pick up a lot of her mannerisms and perhaps a habit or two. Nothing major to worry about. It's for the best, I guess. Pretty sure there is no way I'd be able to try and teach otherwise." You were relieved.
"To be honest, I was super scared you were going to wake up and be Miss Card completely," you said. "When I hadn't heard from you, you didn't show up at the funeral, and then seeing you in class today, I was almost sure that's what had happened."
"Sorry you were worried, dude. Still me, still same old Randall. I'm just packaged a little uh, differently now," she said with a chuckle. "I debated going to the funeral, but I didn't really want to see Dad or Alice. Plus, I was so busy teaching myself how to teach and getting ready for today, I didn't really have the time."
"Didn't you say something about clubbing earlier?" you asked, trying to give him a hard time.
"Not my idea," she came back defensively. "The girls dragged me out of the house and basically got me blackout drunk. Wasn't too bad. The music was so loud at the club, I couldn't hear them, which was kind of a good thing. Plus, dancing with them on the dance floor was pretty fun. Dudes trying to grind up on me was not."
"I bet," you chimed in.
"I never realized how annoying guys can be, ya know? I mean, the club was especially bad, but everywhere I go guys keep trying to hit me. Sometimes they get really aggressive, too, like grabbing my ass and stuff. It's ridiculous. On the other hand..." Randall grinned, "I can pretty much bat my eyes and get whatever I want from them."
"Really?"
"Really. The three of us got into the club for free, we didn't have to buy any drinks. Guys want to carry my groceries and take me out to dinner all the time. I even let them a couple times," she said. A couple of times, you think. It's only been a week!
"You're going out on dates?" you asked, concernedly.
"Whoa, Tim. Letting some guys by me dinner is definitely NOT a date," Randall corrected. Still sounds like a date to me, you think. "It might be a little mean, but it's frustrating trying to say "no" all the time and them continuing to try to convince me. Serves 'em right for acting like that. I'd be lying if I said I didn't like the attention a little though." You didn't really know what to make of this, but you didn't know if you would react any differently if you were suddenly turned into a beautiful woman.
There was a knock on the door. "I'll text you later," Randall said in a hushed tone. The door opened and it was...
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