How does one put a soul back in a broken toy? Asking for a friend.

This Fugue State Kris had developed was something a little bit tricky to deal with.

It was similar to how she was when she was broken, but I was Finding I couldn't walk her or train her out of it like I did when she arrived with Sarah.

However the one improvement over that state was I didn't have to use any tricks to get her to speak.

The dead-eyed enthusiasm of her obeying orders mixed with the completely flat tone sent a chill up my spine.

Getting the story from her of what happened, in that tone, was a special kind of hell.

I'm sure Sebastian didn't feel much better if him leaving 'to go check on Sarah and Alice' was any indication.

The tears welling up in my eyes as I looked down at her as she told me everything finally broke the spell, as they fell from my face onto hers, after she tried to reassure me in that blank voice.

"don't worry mistress everything's okay."

*drip

....

*drip

....

"miss-Mist .. - Liz why are you crying?"

Her voice sounded so tired but it finally sounded like her.

The sincerity of the worry as she reached up towards my face made the damn burst and for the rest of the night I held her to my chest, bawling my eyes out, rocking us both back and forth on the couch until sleep claimed us for the night.

----

' I think I need a psychiatrist too now, for all the s*** I talked about their codependency I'm really not showing myself to be much better today.'

That was my thought as I drug her with me into the shower and again when I never let her leave the reach of my arms as we went through the day.

She didn't seem to mind but I could see how unhealthy my need for her safety was becoming for my own mental well-being.

Nowhere near the clusterfuck that was my two subs, but it wasn't a Direction I wouldn't worry about myself taking.

When the other three finally woke up, tentatively and hesitantly walking out of the room into the larger apartment area, I knew we needed to talk and I knew it was about to make breakfast very awkward for everybody.

As a consolation prize me and Kris had made a pretty decent breakfast waiting for them to wake up, so at least there was that.

" You three, over here now, we all need to talk."

----

Kris Pov:

Mistress had been holding me since I had come out of my episode and I could tell it was as much for her comfort as it was for mine.

On one hand I was happy I could give her back that comfort that she was always giving me, on the other hand I knew I was the reason she needed comfort in the first place.

I knew it would only get worse when I told her we needed to cancel my surgery.

Luckily for my desire to procrastinate, there were two fantastic distractions in front of us, unluckily both of those distractions were painful for two very different reasons.

Despite Elizabeth's statement that we needed to talk none of us seems to know how to broach any of the current powder kegs.

I wish I could say I was the one to break the silence, but I was frozen, attention split between my biggest regret and my biggest love.

It was Sarah of all people that broke the silence.

" Kris I never got the chance to thank you or apologize."

"No-" my whispered horror was cut off by her continuing.

" Yes, you tried to give me everything I wanted-"

" I used you."

" Exactly, that's what I wanted, I want more than just that now, but that's what I wanted then and I still want that from my partner now, it's just no longer the only thing."

" I hurt you though, I saw the hurt and anger in your eyes, don't tell me it wasn't there. " there's no real resistance in my voice just a resolute whisper.

" Yeah there was hurt, but not from that, I hurt because I thought what you promised me was a lie and it's why I need to apologize. I didn't try to break you because you broke me or used me, I tried to break you because the tale you wove me, of the three of us being happy together with me as a useful and loved toy, was falling apart."

" Then you don't owe me an apology I never should have sold you that idea before I knew for certain it would work, I let how well training you went go to my head and convince me my own hubris was more than just that. "

" You being overconfident and assuming you knew your partner more than you did wasn't worth the hurt I purposely put into you.

You gave me almost everything I wanted and fumbled at the finish line.

It took Liz and then later Alice to make me see that I could still have what I wanted, that you got me so close that I could still have it, but I was too caught up in making you hurt to see it.

Are you saying it would be okay if you tried to break Sebastian, because he sent you away when you were so close to what he promised to help you get, just because you messed up? "

" no that's different " where had Sarah gotten this strength? I could barely form a real pushback but she was stronger and more sure of herself than I had ever seen her.

" Really because they're similar enough in my opinion and maybe I'm just spiteful, but in your shoes I would have hated him a lot more. "

There was shame growing on Sebastian's face, but I had trained her well, she was in tune enough to know to lean into him and lend him some comfort.

The jealousy I felt from that had my heart ache and if I wasn't already leaned into and hugging Liz I would have been doing so now, instead I move myself damn near into her lap.

But me and Sebastian never got to become real and would never become real because of my own actions and I had to come to terms with that.

Besides I had the best mistress in the world and my best friend, Sarah and Sebastian deserved happiness I wouldn't let my guilt or heartbreak damage that for them.

" no that's different Sebastian wouldn't deserve-"

" Then why did you, tell Me One Reason, besides your tendency to hold yourself to a standard nobody else does, or your tendency to throw yourself into risk, danger, or pain the moment you don't stack up to it. "

My silence was their answer.

" Exactly, so Chris I forgive you and I'm sorry for what I did. "

It was hard to get words to come out at that point my face was in Liz's chest as I cried into her but I was able to force out a quiet,"me too"

Liz was running her hands through my hair helping me ride out the tears.

She was the next one to speak but not for the reason I expected "It's OK Aly"

I felt my best friend's hand on my back, when I flinched at her first touch she froze, until I finally relaxed into her touch, she started moving in comforting circles around my back, the way she used to when we were younger and I would come to her, because I knew no one else would understand.

When my tears finally abated the conversation picked up again but I didn't turn back around to look at anyone, I stayed where I was, being comforted by my Elizabeth and my Alice.

" I'm glad you two are doing better, now I hope that means she can help me look after you, right Sebastian?"

" If she's okay with it I don't see why not"

Sarah must have nodded or something because her agreement was assumed in the next statement, I wonder if she too was still recovering from crying in her partner's arms like I was.

" Good because for the foreseeable future I'm not letting my girls be alone or together without a chaperone. So Sebastian and Sarah if you could keep an eye on them when they have to go to campus that would be great I've got most of their stuff being done remotely already but they still have to go sometimes. I should probably contact theirs profs to smooth over things, I think Chris had already missed something, I can't remember what, but her professors have been pretty accommodating after I framed everything the right way. "

If Elizabeth noticed me freezing completely upon the subject coming up she didn't show it, my fight or flight kicked in and locked on freeze when, as everyone else affirmed their desire to help, I felt Elizabeth pull her phone out and I knew what was probably going to happen when she logged into my official student email.

"Kris, why do I have a list of confirmations of you dropping out of classes?!"

I really wanted to not have this conversation in general but I had come to terms it would have to happen but I'd have at least preferred if it had happened in a less tumultuous environment...

The rest of the conversation that was happening around scheduling and planning to be there for us stopped and I could feel everyone looking at me, even though I'm sure they were already looking at me beforehand, this felt different.

Well can't make it any worse might as well tell Elizabeth the one thing I hadn't about my time with Alice. "While you've got your phone out, can you make a note we need to cancel my next surgery."

Well that started the conversation back up a lot louder than it was a second ago too.

"What!?"