How does it work?

What?

• Well the fact that you’re a vampire?

Oh that!

Well, to start with, I’m essentially a creature of the night. The thing about the sun killing us, or me – so far, except for the prick that made me, I’m the only vampire I ever met - is total crap. But during day time I tend to be extremely tired. At the beginning it was a nightmare but I must confess that I manage it much better now. Technically I sleep between five and seven and then at school I try to get a few naps here and there. Essentially during lunch time as a matter of fact. Since I don’t have to eat anymore…

The cross and garlic thing is as much bull as the sun thing. I end up going to mass every time my grandmother is in town and I honestly feel no discomfort in the house of God, except for the absolute boredom, of course. The garlic no problem either, I am known to enjoy my pizzas with lots of it between my friends.

Yes I said I don’t need to eat, not that I couldn’t. Blood is absolutely delicious but can you imagine having to go through life with only one type of food … What I eat I crap completely unchanged, a bit of a waste but well… Furthermore, blood is not only a sustainance thing there’s the sex that goes with it. Well the sex… I have eaten quite a few animals and promise, my dear Anne, I’m not a zoophile. But drinking blood makes me so horny, it’s shameful.

Technically I need to drink around a pint, pint and a half of blood every week, but well that’s the lower limit and except for one time when I was completely alone and unable to find anything else but some rats and a raccoon - I’ll tell you about it someday - I never stuck to such a little quantity.

Fangs, yes, I have fangs, two nice pointy and razor edged fangs where my canines used to be. They are retractable pretty much like those of a snake only mine look much cooler than the ones you can see on TV. No small girlie things in the front like in True blood or those ugly things they have in From Dusk Till Dawn and they can grow much longer than on the Vampire Diaries. I honestly don’t understand how they expect to feed with those pathetic excuses for fangs… Anyway, two fangs, upper jaw, they come out when I’m about to feed or when I’m horny. The rest of the time they stay in two small sockets in my skull. I had an X-Ray once, just to understand…

The stake through the heart? Haven’t tried it yet… Not planning on doing so anytime soon.

What else… Mirrors, ha! I’m glad the mirror thing is false as well. I would the most obvious give away and so far humans still believe that we, or I, are myth. Come on if this was true, Youtube would be flooded with vids of it.