Hospitality Examiner

Tommy McMasters scratched at his matted beard, squinting against the morning sun that filtered through the underpass where he'd spent the night. His threadbare jacket—once the proud uniform of a bank security guard—barely kept the chill off his skin. A position he'd lost when the regional manager caught him staring a little too long at his trophy wife during the company Christmas party. Not that Tommy had done anything wrong—he just appreciated beauty, that's all.

"Fuckin' Chad and his fuckin' Porsche," Tommy muttered, gathering his meager possessions. The shopping cart he'd been using had been stolen three days ago, which felt like cosmic overkill considering how the last month had gone.

First the firing. Then the eviction when he couldn't make rent. Then his car breaking down and getting towed. His girlfriend—if you could call someone who'd been stringing him along for eight months while "figuring things out" a girlfriend—had blocked his number when he asked to crash on her couch. The shelter downtown had bedbugs. And yesterday, some teenager had stolen his only pair of socks while he dozed off in the park.

Tommy's head throbbed as he stood up. But it wasn't the usual hangover headache—this was different. Like someone was downloading files directly into his cerebral cortex.

"What the hell?" he whispered, pressing his palms against his temples as information cascaded through his consciousness. Images, rules, expectations... a purpose.

The Hospitality Examiner.

He blinked several times, processing the cosmic data dump.

"You've got to be SHITTING me," Tommy laughed, the sound echoing beneath the concrete overpass. "I can just... walk into people's houses? And they have to be NICE to me?"

He looked down at his filthy clothes and cracked a smile that revealed his neglected dental work. "And I can ask for ANYTHING?"

Tommy's eyes gleamed as he processed his new abilities. He understood immediately—he could identify hosts by a faint golden aura only he could see. These hosts would feel compelled to welcome him, to care for him. And he would... evaluate them.

"Oh, this is too fuckin' good," he chuckled, running his grimy fingers through his hair. "Too fuckin' good."

As he emerged from the underpass, Tommy's gaze swept across the city skyline. His new senses tingled, drawing his attention toward the wealthy neighborhoods on the hill. McMansions with three-car garages. Swimming pools. People who had everything while he had nothing.

"I think it's time to do my job," Tommy said to nobody in particular, starting his journey uptown. "Those self-important pricks with their fancy cars and perfect wives need a proper... evaluation. ~♥"

He passed a puddle and caught his reflection—somehow, despite his disheveled appearance, he looked different. More purposeful. More powerful.

Tommy cracked his knuckles. "Let the hospitality exams begin."