Honey, I'm Home! Oh shit

"A little of this, a little of that and HE'LL BE MINE HAHA cough cough. I don't like being old. I miss living Like Emily Dickinson. I'll fix it though; I'll have a rich man yet!" crone voice - - - - - -

"Who? How? Where's my house? I CAN SEE. My breasts, they aren't sagging. What foul, changes tone beautiful gifts.
Grabs goddess's hand, immediately fly's back into a psychic wall.
"Ahhhhhhhh" classic Wilhelm scream

crash smack kaboom
"OWW"

Goddess: Blinks,
blinks again

"Mrs. Hathor?" very gentle

Hathor: Gets up, rubbing her back, walking with a hunch to the chair.

"Yeah, what's all that about? Goddamn, what's wrong with you?" still a crone

Goddess: "Just a precaution, being a nudist has never been so hard there's just so many dangers. Like women trying to brew love potions or cut me up for my youth." casual confidence

Hathor: "What kinda idiot would do that?" judgmental

Goddess: blinks
blinks

"You don't know?" deadpan confusion

Hathor: "Are you why I'm here? What's happening?" demanding

Goddess: "Can't help but notice your vocal cords have recovered but you're sticking to the crone voice. One sec, pushes button, are you familiar with the internet?" casual rude

Hathor: "No" cruel

Goddess: fuck me "This is a vide-"

Hathor: "Like full house?" hopeful

Pause
Goddess: "Yes, just like full house." has never seen full house.

Hathor: "Am I on a show? How do I look? Oh, if I passed out somewhere and I'm just being stupid, I don't have Alzheimer's I'm just old in fact I just get sleepy sometimes-" rambling

Goddess "You're dead" deadpan

Hathor: "That's rude young lady I'm a young seventy-four, just ask my butler Claude."

Goddess: "No ma'am you've died, you started a fire and had a stroke." Professional

Hathor: "I'm not a zombie YET, I'm in my prime... denial

...Did you say fire, where am I going to live? I don't have any savings. Oh please, help me." scared grandma

Goddess: "But you have a butler?" curious

Hathor: "I said dog." shuts her down

Goddess: goes along with it "Uh-huh, and what were you planning to do if your dog stopped caring for you?"
Hathor: "Well, um, then, who even are you?" deflects

Goddess:
blinks
blinks
"New York city mortuary just wanted to know when you felt like checking out." grand smile ...
..
Hathor: "You're a disgusting woman you know that?" judgy .
Goddess: "That joke worked with the fellas" playing innocent
Hathor: "They were probably just staring at your boobs honey, it's all I can see in this dark dank basement of yours.
Looks around
Don't you have a life? Why are you bothering mine?" old woman speak

Goddess:
blinks switches tracks
hmm, she's probably right, those men had their first erections in 20 years in front of me, I should've figured.
.
"I'll have you know, it's only dark in here."

Hathor: "Goths. Tryna give me your depression.

Get to the point girl, play your video."

Goddess: sighs "Right"
Presses button. Floating screen emerges

Hathor: "We have holograms now? Show me snoop dog. Or R-Kelly I like all'em hipity hopity boys."

Goddess: WTF? Can this even do that?
Cycles through buttons

Hathor: "Faster, I want him on my lap." Excited

Goddess: Turns around "What do you want?" Genuine confusion

Hathor: "It's like you're running a lap hurry up!"

Goddess: She didn't say that.

a minute later
Fuck you machine give me boys.

A few minutes later

disappointment "It doesn't work that way"

Hathor: Spits "Kids, shakes head you gotta try the manual"

Goddess: pulls out the manual "You wanna read this go ahead"
pulls out twelve inch thick book

Hathor: tch tch "You bought it from Ikea, you should be smarter than that"

Goddess: "I did not" offended

Hathor: "Right, well, GET ON WITH IT!"
Goddess: shudders a bit. "A-alright. Damn"
Plays the poop guy video

...
...

Hathor: "Is that your boyfriend?" judgmentally disappointed
Goddess: "FUCK YOU!!!" Reasonably defensive
.
Hathor: "I'm leaving your life where's the door?" gets up
Goddess: "No no you gotta sign this first."
pulls out packet
Hathor: "Sign wha-"
Goddess: Puts down the packet
Hathor: "So I am alive." disappointed

"Where's my glasses?" looks around
Goddess: "You don't need them" delivered straight

Hathor: "Girl looks around -I've been doin this for awhile I know what I need." patronizing
Goddess: "Can you see this letter?" casually points
Hathor: stares intensely "Of course no- I CAN SEE." shock
Goddess: "You already know this." deadpan
Hathor: *Ignoring the naked tart Hathor g*ets on her knees "God lord mercy above thank you for this bountiful moment I worship and praise your name." closes her eyes "Amen" performative reverence
Goddess: "Actually it was me" deadpan
Hathor sits with the moment
..
.
Hathor: opens her eyes and makes eye contact "You should get some perspective honey, this isn't how you should be living your life." judgy
Goddess:
..
.
"Here's some glasses" hands over magically created glasses
Hathor: "See, manners never fail you."

a few minutes later
"What are you having me read?! Your fanfiction?! This isn't a real contract."
Goddess: "Yes it is" deadpan
Hathor: "Bullshit. Its missing all the usual clauses, and its only got nonsense. Whadya think you're selling?" incredulous
Goddess: "Reincarnation" deadpan
Hathor: "Uh-huh, for who?
Girl, making me read this is the dumbest reason you could've kidnapped me for, just have your boyfriends read it."

Goddess: "Don't have any of those I just want you to read the contract then I'll let you go after you sign."
Hathor: "Uh-huh, I don't think so"

Naked woman pulls out machete
Hathor:
.
looks at machete
..
.
"Umm gulp Ok. sorry."
Hathor continues reading, hearing a distinct
Grrrrrrr greeeee something something wood scraping
Looks up just a peep, returns to reading, much more energetically.
"These clauses are so thought out. very... ... ..."
Goddess: "You seriously can't say anything?" mildly irritated
Hathor: "I'm, (makes direct eye contact trying too hard) speechless"
Goddess: blink
blink
"Just finish the paperwork" existentially exhausted
.
Hathor: "Of course, quiet bitch"
Goddess: suddenly perks up "What did you say?"
Hathor: forced smile "I have a bad twitch"
Goddess: Maternal smile "Oh I have a solution for that" holds machete up
Hathor: quickly raises her finger "I'm reading I'm reading"
.. "I'm-
.
"still reading"
Goddess: Sighs
"maybe I should get a clock"

Hathor: quiet "or a life"
Goddess: "I heard that!"
Hathor: innocently defensive "It's hard to write!"
"I have arthritis"

Goddess: "Show me"
Hathor: Stops still
.
Pulls up her hand, aggressively vibrating it
Goddess: Smiles "Mrs. Hathor, I'm gonna let you in on a secret. I don't live by any hospitals"
5 seconds later
Hathor: "I feel better, hallelujah. desperate
Just sign here?" shaking hands
Goddess: "Yes, Mrs. Hathor." clean customer friendly
Signs it.Goddess: *"*Finally. Worlds list pops up between them
Mrs. Hathor you've just arrived on lu low sun. The best matchmaking service in the galaxy. Are you a fan of tall dark and riddled with plague? What about lanky thin and just can't hit puberty during a conversation? We've also got green exotic dancers mind the fish flakes that's their lunch. Maybe you like hunky and silent? What about this pet rock he'll be entertainment for a thousand years yet!"
..

.
Hathor: "Have you got nothing better to do?"

Goddess: "What about one that looks exactly like the man you were trying to brew a love potion for! Maybe a yacht full of pirates? Someone to want your bonny old arse?"
Hathor: "Wait what? How do-" suddenly vulnerable
Goddess: crazy eyes "And MORE. SO PICK"
grinds machete aggressively on desk
Hathor: gulp "just pick?" lots of shaking
"How do I know?"
Goddess: "This ones the good one." points
Hathor "but-" weakly
Goddess: "Perfect for you" CONFIDENT
Hathor: "It looks kind of-" protests
Goddess: "Better on the inside" at her edge
Scraaape
"Now choose it" certain and forceful
Hathor: "Consent?" desperately
Goddess: clicks it "bye bye"
Hathor falls through the floor

"AAAAAAHHHHHHH"
Perfect Wilhelm scream

A few minutes later
Narrator enters: That was a doozy, oi what'd I miss?
Goddesses face
What? What'd I do?

The end

(Ok want to clarify this since I'm making so many of these, I have two more to go until we get to Isekai world itself and awhile more to go until the gem girl's app gets linked into the status page. So, two more protagonists then worldbuilding and afterwards placing the people. Because of that there will likely be a long gap before each new point as I become fit to actually carry out the plot and the time to develop it. The new characters should come relatively soon but I want to make them protagonist capable people, one man and one woman for the ensemble. I need people to move the plot/make big moves in the world as well as interesting folk living side character lives. Many of our protagonists will be side characters in the world for quite a while.)