Homelessness :(

“Help the homeless? Help the homeless?”

So it’s been about a week since we’ve talked, and um… things really haven’t gotten that much better for me. I mean, I’m alive which is great. That assassin is taken care of, big win on my part, gotta say. Plus I made it to Crossroads, so job done on that account.

But that’s where my good luck ends.

See, I’m kind of dying. Yeah. getting dragged behind a cart isn’t too good for your body. Especially not when the infections set in. I’m giving myself a few days to live.

But you know me, I’m a fighter. I’m not giving up just yet. All I need is a healing potion, and I’ll be right as rain. That sure would be easy if I still had my alchemist equipment, but that rascal of an adventurer robbed me for everything I had, so I’m resorting to the noble art of begging to earn that potion.

I’ve had a lot of time to think about life and the universe and I think that maybe I’ve been holding onto too much resentment. I’ve always been jealous of the women in our cult, and where has it gotten me? An unhappy life with many ruined relationships. It’s funny how inconsequential your ego seems when you’re under threat of your limbs rotting off.

I’m committed to living a more pure life. If I make it out of this. I’m going to laugh more, live more, go easy on the evil sex, and take some time to focus on me. I mean, who am I? What’s my name? It’s all so hard to say. Who am I when I’m away from the cult? For most of my life I’ve simply thought of myself as a cultist but I’m so much more than that, I’m a member of the universe, and a citizen of the world!

“Bless you.” I say to a portly young lady who dropped a few cents in my hands. I’ve got a bit of a math problem. I’m not exactly earning enough money to be able to afford a healing potion before, you know… I melt into an oozing pile of infection. I’m not going to make it if I rely on the generosity of the people of this town alone.

I’m going to have to do something drastic… like perform.

It’s just a shame that my only talent is sex, and poisoning. Neither of which draw big crowds. I’ll have to give it some thought, luckily I’ve got nothing but time. I don’t have to worry about food, thanks to the ten pounds of snake meat I was able to salvage from my assassin’s dick. The river that flowed through Crossroads was clean and clear. Shelter was my only issue, but I’d been welcomed in by a few friendly vagrants who gave me a spot under the bridge.

I decide to move on from this corner and head over to the next patch of town. There’s only so much generosity in any given block of a town. So I’m walking down the street, when I’m thrown into any alley way. I’m just barely able to get to my feet, when a hand grips my throat and slams me into the brick wall next to me. I can feel the masonry crack and shudder at my impact. “Ow.” I whine.

“You little slime, what did you do to me?” It’s a female voice that I don’t recognize.

I open my eyes, and see that it’s a hooded figure that’s got her grip on me. All I can see are snarling teeth. “What?”

The figure snarls again, and brushes the cloak away from her, revealing a large pregnant belly. “This!” She yells, and slams me back into the wall.

I have to do some mental tabulations, but eventually I realize what’s going on. The adventure from the road, or should I say thief? “Hey! You’re the one who stole all my stuff!” I start to try and break out of her hold, but she’s really freaking strong.

“Shut up! I’m going to make you pay for this.” She slams me into the wall yet again, and I don’t think it or me is going to survive another impact.

“If you kill me you’re never going to find the cure.”

“Oh, I know the cure to pregnancy.” She growls.

Yikes, what a badass. I might be in love if she wasn’t a thief, and thug. “Sure you can solve this pregnancy, but what about the next one? You’re going to be birthing goblins for the rest of your days.”

I see her eyes light on fire, and am feeling pretty sure that, that’s the last taunt of my life. “A curse?”

“Something like that, but I’m willing to reverse it. If you return what you’ve stolen.”

“I don’t think so. How about I just don’t pop your head like a grape?”

I wince. “That sounds good to me.”

She drops me to the ground, and I gasp for air. She crosses her arms, and looks over at the road to see if she’s captured any attention. Unfortunately for me, she hasn’t. I’m at her mercy. “What do you need to reverse, this?” She gestures to her belly.

“Everything I need should be with the supplies you stole. I’ll also need my cauldron.”

She shrugs. “I sold all your supplies, and I don’t see any cauldron.”

“You sold…” I bite my tongue before I can curse her out. There were so many rare ingredients in my cart, there’s no way she got a good deal. “Whatever, you’ll just have to buy them back. My cauldron was shrunk down, it should be a small cup, black and made of stone.”

“Oh my shot glass.” She reaches into her pocket and reveals the treasure.

“At least you didn’t sell that. It’s priceless.”

She smirks. “Well that only makes me want to sell it more.”