Chapter 464
by
XarHD
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The walk from the lobby to the firepit was neither solemn nor purposeful. If you asked, each of them might have named it a different thing—an exile, a decompression, a slow thaw after a long night—but in practice, it was just a way to keep moving until they figured out what came next. The air was as clear as it ever got on the island: warm, salty, and humid enough to make even Riley blink at the first taste of it.
Laura’s two bodies bracketed Riley left and right, steps matched to the centimeter. It was the most comfortable encirclement Riley had felt in her entire life, and she’d lived long enough to know when to trust a perimeter. She had not given her best friend as much time as she should have, and she felt guilty about that. Myra trailed just behind, a half-pace off, her fox tails dragging in a line on the stones. She didn’t hurry to close the gap, didn’t seem bothered by being out of formation, just followed them with her usual radar sweep of attention. Protecting the rear.
There were no words on the walk. Not a single one. Andy had left to look for Claire, and from that moment, the women had not needed to speak. They all knew where they were going. They all knew what waited for them. The only question was whether they’d break into pieces at the edge of it.
They found the bench nearest the firepit—the one with the warped wood and the view of the beach, just far enough from the hotel windows to feel unobserved. The pit itself was already burning, a low, well-mannered flame, as if the hotel had anticipated their arrival and set the fire just to the right height to handle whatever they needed to burn away.
Riley took the middle. She hadn’t intended to; it just happened that way, and the other two slotted in on either side, Laura to the left, both of her, and Myra pressing into the narrow strip of space at Riley’s right thigh. Myra’s ears swiveled forward, tracking the flames.
For a few minutes, there was nothing but the sound of fire and the tick-tick-tick of salt wind on the empty lawn. The silence was not empty, not hostile, but thick with the kind of listening that only happens when there’s nothing left to bluff about.
Riley stared into the flames, elbows on her knees. “Is this where I’m supposed to say something?” She said it with the specific dry curl she’d used to cut awkwardness in half her entire life, but today it landed with a softness neither Laura nor Myra could have predicted.
Laura didn’t **** the issue. She just said, “Only if you want to, Rye.” Her voices—both of them—were gentler now. If there was a tremor in either, it was buried under the deliberate, practiced calm of a woman who had decided to survive the worst day of her life by making it look easy.
Myra said nothing, but her tails curled around the legs of the bench. There was a color to the moment that nobody else could see—something that, to her, looked like the bruise-purple of a storm far out at sea. It was not an angry color. Just sad, and moving.
Riley exhaled. “Back there. With the curtain.” She gestured with her chin, not at the Hollow Garden, but toward something farther off—somewhere behind the eyes. “I wanted to pull it down so bad. Just rip it out of the wall, make her look at me.” She flexed her hands, remembering the motion of her fingers in the air, that single inch of space between herself and the truth.
Laura said nothing. It was the right call.
“I almost did it, too,” Riley said. “Except I realized if I did, I’d be the one turning her into a fucking animal. You know? Overriding her choice just because I wanted something from her.” The words had weight, more than just bitterness. They were heavy enough to rest on the bench between the three of them, hot as the bricks under their shoes.
Myra said, “You didn’t do it, though.” Her voice was soft, careful not to snap the tension. “You let her have the last word.”
Riley nodded. “Yeah. There's that. I did stop. I wasn’t a complete asshole. I stopped because… I didn’t want to be him.” She let the him hang, not needing to name their shared ancestor. The word was sharp as a nail.
Laura’s left hand drifted toward Riley’s, hovering just above her knuckles. She didn’t close the distance—just left the offer there, in the air.
Riley stared at it for a second, then let her own hand fall into the space, the two sets of fingers knitting together. It wasn’t a gesture of forgiveness, not exactly, but it wasn't forgiveness that Riley wanted, and it was as close as Riley had ever come to accepting comfort.
For a while, the only sound was the hissing of the fire, and the almost inaudible, arrhythmic scrape of Myra’s tails as they wound around the foot of the bench.
Myra said, “It took more strength to do nothing than it would’ve to pull the curtain.” She wasn’t guessing; she’d felt the pressure, the way the room had gone atomic with the **** of Riley’s wanting. “It’s the first thing I remember learning as a doctor: the hardest thing to do for a patient is sometimes nothing at all. Letting them keep what little they have, even when you think you can fix it.”
Laura nodded, but this time it was her right hand that found Riley’s knee. “It’s not nothing. It’s letting her story unspool on her terms. They all had so much taken from them.” There was a heat to Laura’s voice, something old and bright.
They sat with that, let it turn over.
After a while, Myra said, “I kept thinking about my mother, in there.” She glanced toward the horizon, as if Marie Williams might materialize between the pool and the sea. “It was the same for her, when it came to her child. The one choice she got was how she left me behind.” She looked at Riley, eyes unfocused but aimed straight at her. “How is that remotely fair? I think that’s why I couldn’t stop crying. Because it wasn’t just her. And it wasn't just with children. How many Masters like Greg have there been? It was every woman on this island, for thousands of seasons. Every time one of us let go of something we loved so someone else could have a chance.”
Laura squeezed Riley’s hand, and this time Riley didn’t let go.
The fire snapped, a burst of orange in the gray afternoon.
Laura said, “Do you want to talk about her?” She didn’t push, just put the offer out there, a hand in the dark.
Riley was quiet for a long time. “Not really. But I guess I should.”
She took a breath, and the story came out in a single exhale: “Sandra Guerrero. So that’s her name. Funny. I used to ask about my mother in the files, back when I still thought there was a chance I’d find her in a database. Every time it said ‘no match’ I’d just move on. After a while, you stop looking.” She wiped her free hand down her face, then up through her hair. “She left me with a bunny. My adoptive parents always told me my biological mother had left it in my basket. They showed me the note from the adoption agency, once. ‘Left with a blue and gold bunny. Name of Riley stitched on the inside. No note.’” Her voice faltered. “I always wondered if that was a fuck you, or if it was meant to be a kindness.”
Myra said, “It was a kindness. She gave you all that she was allowed to. I can tell you that much.” The conviction in her voice was absolute.
Laura’s thumb traced circles on the back of Riley’s hand, small and patient. “She wanted you to have a name,” Laura said. “It was the only thing she had to give. She wanted you to know she loved you.”
Riley laughed, but the sound was like air blown through a crack in a window—more whistle than music. “Yeah. I believe it now.”
The firepit burned lower, and the sunlight caught on the edge of the stone, throwing weird shadows across the backs of their hands.
Myra said, “So here we are.” She let it settle for a moment, then said, “Same father, different mothers—Sandra, the Williams sisters—three only children who spent their whole lives wishing they’d had sisters. At least, I know I did. I know I wanted… I wanted to belong. I wanted to know where I came from. Now we do.” She said it like it was a diagnosis, but there was a strange, hungry pride in the way she said it, as if naming it out loud might keep it alive longer.
Riley looked at her, for the first time seeing not just the blind doctor with the soft voice, but someone who carried the same splinters. “Yeah,” she said. “Yeah, I guess we do.”
Laura grinned, eyes wet, both faces. “I did always want sisters,” she said.
Riley gave her a sidelong look. “Didn’t take you for the mushy type.” But she knew, of course. She remembered the afternoons with Laura, talking about dreams, about whatever happened in that house. I wish you were my sister, Riley. And now, somehow, she was. She squeezed Laura’s hand, and this time, when the heat of the moment got too much, she didn’t let go. She just held on and let the rest happen.
The wind picked up, and Myra flicked her tails to cover Riley’s ankles, shielding them from the chill. It was a gesture so instinctive and offhand that nobody commented on it.
Laura let the silence come back, not because there was nothing to say, but because there was too much. When the next words did come, they were lower, more private, the sort of thing you say only once.
Laura’s voices—both of them—came low, as if the words might break if handled rough: “Can I ask you something, Rye?”
Riley shrugged without looking away from the fire. “You can try.”
“Back in the Garden, you said you got the bunny out again. For your son,” Laura said. “John.”
The name hung there, balanced on the edge of a breeze. In all the weeks since she’d joined the harem, nobody had ever said his name out loud unless she’d **** it. The effect was immediate: every muscle in Riley’s face drew tight, then let go at once. It was like a rubber band snapping, then settling into a shape that fit.
“I wanted him to have a story,” Riley said, voice wobbling, eyes fixed on the flame. “Something that would survive after me. It was the closest I could get to telling him where he was from. I thought if he grew up with it, maybe he’d remember me as the mom who loved him, who left him something that made sense. Instead of… the other kind.” She flicked a hand, dismissive, as if she could scatter the words before they got heavy.
Laura nodded, understanding. “He would have remembered.”
Riley’s laugh was so dry it barely counted as sound. “Maybe. Doesn’t matter now.” She ran her thumb along the inside of her opposite wrist, tracing the vein as if reading a list in Braille. “They let me hold him once, after. Just once.” She didn’t blink. “You don’t know how much you can hate a hospital until you’ve done that.”
Myra’s tails went still, the emotional color draining to a bare thread of silver-blue, the color of deep water. She said, “I do know. You’d be surprised how many people walk out of a hospital with a wound they never came in with.”
Riley looked at her, really looked, as if recalibrating what Myra meant to her. “Did you ever…?” she asked, leaving the question unfinished.
“No,” Myra said, softly. “Not the same kind. But close enough to learn the language.” She let the silence return for a moment, then said, “You should know it was never your fault, Riley. Not ever.”
Riley shrugged, but the gesture had less bite than before. “I used to think that mattered. Turns out, the universe isn’t big on absolution.” She squinted at the horizon, then blinked hard, once. “You think we’re doing better than they did, out here?” She made a small circle with her finger, indicating the three of them, the harem, maybe the whole cycle.
Laura’s face was calm, but her grip tightened on Riley’s hand. “Yeah. I do.”
Myra nodded. “We are. They never had a chance.” She said it with the slow gravity of someone who believed it down to her bones.
The sun had shifted behind the hotel, casting a wide, slanted shadow over the firepit. The flame was smaller now, but it still burned, contained and stubborn.
Riley said, “I spent most of my life being the last one left. Never had siblings. Never met my parents. When I lost John, it was like—” She stopped. “Like there wasn’t anything left to be the end of. Just empty space.” She looked at both of Laura, then at Myra. “I don’t feel that way today. I don’t know if it’s because of the weird genetics, or because you’re both so fucked-up it makes me look normal, but I’m not the end anymore. Feels strange.”
Neither Myra nor Laura tried to correct her. Instead, Myra said, “That’s the point. Nobody’s supposed to be the end.”
Laura looked out at the sea, then back at Riley. “When I was a kid, I used to bury time capsules all over the neighborhood, remember? I thought if I disappeared, someone would find them and know who I was.” She smiles wistfully. “Andy found them all. Even the last one, the one I buried before I died. You, and Andy, and… and so many others, even Marie, whom I never knew, remembered me. Now… Now I want to stay here just to see how this plays out.” She nudged Riley’s shoulder, gentle. “Have you ever thought about making a time capsule?”
Riley smiled, soft and crooked. “If I did, it’d just be bad poetry and pictures of people who pissed me off. Maybe a half-drunk bottle of whiskey, if I was feeling romantic.”
Myra’s ears twitched, her smile invisible but present in the turn of her mouth. “That’s a pretty good capsule.”
They let it go quiet again, all three watching the flame eat what was left of the old wood. The wind picked up, but it wasn’t cold; if anything, it felt like the weather had shifted just for them.
After a time, Myra said, “You know, when I learned about Mom, I thought it would break me. That all the things I lost would collapse at once, and I’d never get up again.” She didn’t raise her voice. “But I’m still here.”
Laura added, “Me too. For a long time, I thought I was a mistake, or a fluke. I thought my mother was not strong enough, but look at how strong she was. She held on, for me.” She didn’t look at Riley as she said it, but there was no shame in her tone. “I guess that makes us all survivors of someone else’s wish to protect us.”
Riley nodded, as if this was the most obvious thing in the world. “Yeah. Not a bad club, all things considered.”
The fire burned lower, embers starting to fall in on themselves. The sun had edged below the roofline, and the only light was the orange of the flame, painting everyone in the same washed gold. Nobody seemed inclined to move. Even the shadows of the hotel left them alone.
Myra’s tails unwound from the bench, just a little, and found Riley’s ankle, curling around it in a loose, soft embrace. Laura’s hands stayed where they were, locked around Riley’s in a grip that meant to last the rest of the day.
For a while, none of them said anything. The quiet was not heavy. It was as if the whole world had taken a breath and decided, for this moment, to let them keep it.
The three of them sat and watched the fire fade. When it finally did, and the night started its slow fall, nobody said a word about what to do next. They just sat together, as if they had always belonged that way, and let the world move on around them.
The nursery was Riley’s confessional. She came here most afternoons, at a time when the other women were scattered and the glasshouse sun cast no shadows on the brickwork court. The path never changed: from the Inner Gardens’ main walk, through the little side gate nobody but kids noticed, past the old statue of the swan, and under the low arch of hedge that made this section invisible from the hotel proper. She never had to look for the door. Her body steered for it, like a drinker finding the bar by muscle memory.
The door itself was a joke, Riley thought. No matter how many times she saw it, the battered wood, the ancient knob, the tarnished “1” stuck like a question over the lintel—it always looked too small for anyone’s first memory. Too temporary for what it contained.
Inside, the room was exactly as it had been since her first visit. The walls held to their faded bands of pink and yellow, still peeling at the corners, their stenciled stars graying at the points but still visible if you stared long enough. The baby powder smell persisted in the way grief persists: faint, familiar, and utterly out of place in a room where the only baby had left decades ago. There was dust on every surface, even the glass mobile, even the little shelf of animals. It was the right kind of dust: the kind that said this place belonged to the past, but the past had not been erased.
The cradle was empty, but perfectly made up. Someone had folded the pale green quilt at the foot, so neat that Riley felt self-conscious walking past it, as if a parent might round the corner and scold her for tracking in dirt. There was an impression in the mattress, a low trough where the weight of years had pressed down and left a dent.
She always sat in the rocking chair. It faced the cradle, and in the late sun the shadow of the spindles stretched across the rug like a cage. Her footprints from several visits over the course of weeks were still visible in the dust. It would have comforted her, if she let it.
She rocked a while. Listened to the tick of her own heart. She thought about her mother’s voice on the other side of the partition, the careful way she’d said, I wanted you to have a name, and how it matched the way Riley herself now wanted something to last. She had tried to reject it, but she couldn't any longer. Sandra Guerrero was her mother. Riley wished she felt better, that she could be as happy as Myra seemed to be. But her mother had not wanted Riley to see her.
She remembered the bunny, the soft blue and gold blanket, and the mess of feelings stitched into its seam.
She thought about baby John. She always did, in here. It didn’t take effort. The nursery was made for thinking about babies, about futures that never happened. When she’d gotten pregnant, she hadn’t told anyone for weeks—not even her husband, not at first. She’d found the bunny in a box, the one thing she’d never thrown out, and held it in both hands, and whispered to the empty air: This is yours. I’ll save it for you.
She never got to give it to him. The hospital didn’t let her take anything in; she left the bunny in her duffel, still carrying the ghost of her mother’s hope. The only thing she took out of the ward was a bracelet with his name, and that’s the only thing that ever shared the drawer with the bunny. Most days, she had pretended this was enough.
She let the room settle around her. She stared at the mobile, at the planets hanging from their wires. There was no breeze in the nursery, but the light refracted through them anyway, making a halo on the wall behind the cradle. If you didn’t know better, you might think it was magic. But Riley didn’t believe in that kind of magic anymore. She believed in the ache you got from holding too many secrets in your chest at once, and the way the world sometimes lined up to **** you to notice them.
Her eyes drifted to the desk. The blue baby book was there, as it always was. The silk ribbon around it had never once loosened for her, no matter how she’d pulled or pleaded. Next to it sat the planner—cheap, plastic, the sort you picked up in a grocery store impulse rack. She’d read the planner dozens of times, even though she already knew every page.
She picked up the baby book, the gesture as rote as a smoker flicking open a lighter, and let her fingers roam the ridged, soft cover. The blue cloth was diapered with fingerprints—her own, and probably the mothers who’d come before her, and maybe the one who’d left the book in the beginning, though Riley, in her black-belted skepticism, had always suspected the hotel just conjured these artifacts for the show. She stared at the cover, not really expecting anything new, and landed, as she always did, on the inscription inside the little square: Sarah W.
She stopped, thumb poised in the gutter of the first page, as if she’d stumbled on a typo that might rewrite the whole book. A chill arrived, not in the air but in the attitude of the nursery itself; the space seemed suddenly compacted, as if the room had leaned inward and was waiting for her to move. She read the name again—Sarah W.—and this time she heard it with the echo of two voices from the firepit: Myra’s, and Laura’s.
Sarah W.
She said it aloud, softly: “Sarah W.” The syllables, once spoken, had the prickle of a word that had always been in the background, like a middle name in a family tree. She scanned the room, marking the blue book, the shelf of animals, the faded pinks and yellows on the wall. She looked at the cradle, at the hand-folded green quilt, at the little sticker with a sunbeam and the word “Smile!” slapped on the leg of the rocking chair.
She worked the puzzle with the mechanical thoroughness that had gotten her out of foster homes and into college. The facts were as follows:
Sarah W. wrote this baby book.
Sarah W. was a contestant here.
Sarah W. had a daughter in the hotel.
But she already knew the name. She had heard the name already that day, twice, both times shaded with a hush—Sarah. Laura's mother’s name. The Williams sisters, Myra had said. The Williams line.
She looked at the closed baby book, but the secret was now audible, like a spoon dropped in a quiet kitchen. The room, and the crib, and the entire orphanage effect, were not for the benefit of Riley or any of the dozens of other girls who had wandered through it. Not for her son. Not for her. Not even for the mythic Girl Who Would Become Mother, the way she’d always imagined the nursery was curated for some future child.
The whole place had been built for one girl. One daughter, born on the show from Sarah Williams.
Laura.
She didn’t even have to say it to herself. It arrived as a complete sentence, unbidden, like remembering your own birthday. Laura wasn’t just an orphaned girl in the hotel—she was the intended child of the room, the baby for whom Sarah Williams had written the book, and probably the only person for whom the whole exhibit ever made sense. All the little details that made the place feel like a set piece were, to someone, actual memories. To Laura.
The revelation didn’t hit with melodrama or fireworks. It was more like a slow, **** blanket, something heavy and certain that lowered itself over Riley’s shoulders and pressed her into the seat. A piece of the universe had just clicked into place, and now reality was stuck with it, forever.
She sat there, her breath held at the top of her lungs. For a second, the world outside the window grew preternaturally bright, as if the sun had been turned up just for her. The planets in the mobile over the cradle seemed to hang motionless, all their orbits suspended.
She stood up, a little too fast, and the chair scratched against the floor. There was dust in the air, and for a second, she thought she saw the ghost of a mother’s face in the shimmer over the cradle, but it vanished, and she didn’t chase it. She moved to the door and put her hand on the knob, then stopped. She ran her hands over her hair, and tried to find a thought that was not a repetition of the name Sarah W.; all she found was, Fuck.
She checked herself in the glass of the nursery window. She looked like she’d been crying, but she hadn’t been. She just looked alive, which was close enough.
She went out into the garden, not bothering to close the door behind her, and walked with such single-mindedness that she took every shortcut, every trampling path, as if she’d mapped them all years ago.
She moved at a pace just short of a run, the truth in her chest hot and bright as new blood.
There was only one person who needed to hear it, and only one place she could be.
Finding Laura wasn’t hard. Even if Riley hadn’t had Dead Reckoning—her private compass, always pointing to the people she loved—she could have followed the pulse of tension in the hotel like a hunting dog. Both of Laura’s bodies were sitting in the Banquet Hall, holding twin mugs of coffee. Neither spoke. Myra was beside her, tails fanned out like sentinels.
Riley didn’t hesitate. She walked up and said, “I need to talk to you. Both of you.” She didn’t look at Myra, who stood a few paces off, hands at her sides and ears cocked at full attention. It didn’t matter.
Laura’s bodies turned at once. The blue eyes fixed on Riley, and Riley felt the old, cold thrill of seeing herself reflected in another. This was what it was to have sisters, she thought. Not comfort. Just gravity.
“I know whose nursery it is,” Riley said. She let the syllables drop into the space between them, each one landing with the weight of a stone breaking surface ice. For three full heartbeats, nobody breathed or blinked.
Both of Laura froze. For a second, the space between them felt like a vacuum, an airless bubble where nothing could live. Then the right Laura said, “What nursery?” in a voice as soft as any she’d ever used.
Riley nodded once. She **** her voice to sound as if this were an ordinary matter, just the next item on an agenda. “There’s a room in the Inner Gardens,” she said. “Most of the time, people don’t see it. It’s behind a wall, past the statue—one of those little marble animals, with the chipped ear? There’s a door with a tarnished metal number one above it. White paint around the jam, but the knob is original, old brass. I don’t know if it’s on any map. I found it by accident, last round.” She did not stumble over the words. “It’s a nursery. The walls are pink and yellow. There’s a cradle, real wood. A shelf of stuffed animals, and a mobile with glass planets, all suspended from a circle of copper wire. No light in the room, but the planets catch the sun and throw colors everywhere. It smells like baby powder and lemon.”
Riley flicked her eyes to the right Laura, then the left, then Myra, then back again. “I started going there every day, last month. At first, I just sat. Sometimes I rocked in the chair and said nothing. Sometimes I talked to the air, or to the cradle, or to the dead space where a child might have been. I thought it was a good place to grieve. But… there’s a baby book, blue velvet, with a silk ribbon and a square on the front. I was never able to open it. But the square has a name, handwritten. Sarah W.”
She looked at Laura, and this time, made herself see both faces. “That’s your mother, isn’t it? Sarah Williams. W for Williams. That room wasn’t for just any baby, L. It was for you.”
Both of Laura went still at the exact same instant. The effect was uncanny: the same set to the jaw, the same clench in the hands. For a moment, she looked like statues, the two halves of something ancient and unbreakable. The air felt charged, as if both bodies had become the poles of a magnet with a field that ran through everything in the room.
It was Myra who broke the standoff. Her voice cut in, gentle but urgent: “Can you show us? Right now?”
Riley nodded. “Come with me.”
The walk was quick, none of them bothering to talk. They cut through the Gardens at speed, skirting the tourists and the maintenance drones, moving with the precision of a wolf pack: Myra at Riley’s left, Laura’s doubles at her right and behind. The familiar landscape blurred at the edges, all green and gold and then the sudden dark under the arch.
She reached the door, put her hand on the knob, and paused only for the briefest second—not for drama, but because her hand was shaking, and she was angry at herself for it. She opened the door.
The room was as she’d left it, and not. The walls were the color of old sun, the floor dusted in that film that never quite went away no matter how she cleaned her shoes before entry. The cradle waited, perfectly made; the quilt at the foot, folded crisp as origami. The shelf of animals: the bear, the rabbit, the giraffe with the threadbare neck. The desk, with its contents: the baby book, the cheap planner, a ballpoint pen with a cartoon on it. The glass planets on their orbit above the cradle, still as ****.
She stepped aside and gestured for Laura to enter. “It’s through here,” she said, to Laura, not sure which half would go first.
Both of her entered together. And as she did, the room.. remembered. The effect was immediate and total. The temperature changed. The sun shifted, or so it seemed, and the colors in the room became saturated, like the walls of a restored fresco. The glass mobile, which had hung static for years, began to rotate with infinite delicacy, as if the planets themselves had remembered the **** of gravity and were re-learning how to move. Their reflections chased each other across the ceiling, casting complicated, precise orbits into every corner.
But it was more than that. The air itself changed. The dust, which had always been a thin haze over every surface, was gone. The paint on the walls, which had faded and chipped, now looked unblemished. The shelf seemed less like museum storage and more like a child’s actual, living collection. The room, which had always felt like a mausoleum, now smelled like... something new. Not baby powder, not lemon, but life: soap, clean water, and the faint sweetness of someone’s hair right after a bath. And there was a sound, almost too faint to notice—a humming, the cadence of a lullaby, the voice of a mother.
None of this made sense. Riley had been in the room a hundred times and it had never done this. To Riley, the room had always felt like grief. Now it felt like a breath held for thirty years, finally let go. She looked at Laura, or both of her, and saw that the transformation was mirrored in her faces.
Laura stood in the center, caught in the crossfire of moving light. She didn’t speak. Myra hovered at the doorway, her fox tails shivering with the **** of the emotion in the room. Riley stayed by the wall, watching, waiting for what would happen next.
Laura’s left body moved first. She touched the cradle, ran her hand along the rail, pressed her palm to the green quilt at the foot. The right body mirrored her, then walked to the shelf and picked up the cloth bear. She held it in her hands, her thumbs rubbing the worn seam. She stared at it for a long time, the look on both faces not sadness but awe, the kind of reverence reserved for old churches or new babies.
Riley and Myra stayed silent. They watched.
Laura made her way to the desk, the bear still cradled in her left hand. She reached for the blue baby book with the other. The ribbon, always rigid for Riley, uncoiled instantly at her touch. The book fell open.
Riley’s breath caught. She had never seen it open, not once.
Laura looked at the page. Her eyes tracked the lines. She read, not aloud, but in silence, both bodies leaning in until their heads nearly touched. Tears started down her faces, and when they came, they were symmetrical, perfect.
Riley took a step closer. She read the first page over Laura’s shoulder.
My darling,
I don’t know your name yet. I don’t even know for certain that you’re a girl, though I feel it in my bones. You are very small right now. Smaller than a strawberry, the books say. I read that your hands have formed, and that’s the thing I keep coming back to. You have hands. You have been in the world for eight weeks and you already have hands.
I've been thinking about what to say to you for so long that now that I'm writing, I don't know where to begin. Maybe here: I want you to know that you were not planned. But the moment I knew you existed, I chose you. I need you to understand that before anything else. You were mine the moment I knew you were growing inside me. I don't know what the world will look like by the time you read this, but I need you to carry that with you: unplanned is not the same as unwanted. You were wanted more than anything I have ever wanted in my life.
I am going to bring you home. That’s the only plan I have, and I am holding it with both hands. I don’t know yet what home will look like, or whether it will be big or small or noisy or quiet. I only know that you will be in it, and that will make it enough.
I love you. I have loved you since before I knew you existed. That’s the strangest and most certain thing I’ve ever felt.
Your mother, Sarah
Laura’s left hand went to her mouth. Her right hand pressed the page down, steady, refusing to let it close.
For a moment she didn’t move at all. Then a sound came out of her—not a sob, not a word, just a small, involuntary exhale, the kind a person makes when something they stopped believing in turns out to be real. Both of her bodies leaned almost imperceptibly toward the book, as if drawn by gravity. She blinked, hard, once, and Riley watched her visibly decide not to fall apart—watched her choose, the way Laura always chose things, with her jaw and her spine and the flat of her hand against the page.
She paged forward, fast but not careless. She found another random entry, and read, voice shaking now:
My darling,
Arabella told me you’re a girl, so I have been thinking about your name.
There is a woman I once read about, a woman in a story whose name meant bright, or light, or shining — I can’t remember exactly, I read it years ago in a paperback with a broken spine. What I remember is that she was the kind of person other people oriented themselves toward, like a compass finding north. Not because she was powerful or loud, but because she was true. You always knew where you stood with her. You always knew she meant it.
I want that for you. I want you to be the kind of person people find their footing around. I want you to be so completely yourself that no one who meets you is ever confused about who they’re dealing with.
I am going to name you Laura. I looked it up, and it comes from the laurel, which the Romans gave to people who had done something worth remembering. I like that. I like the idea that I am giving you a name that says, before you have done a single thing in the world: you are already worth remembering. Whatever comes after, whatever life makes of you or asks of you, that part is already true.
Laura. I have been saying it to myself all week. It fits.
Your mother, Sarah
This time, Laura’s bodies moved together, the two sets of hands coming to her faces at once, fingers spread wide, covering her eyes. Her shoulders shook, but the motion wasn’t grief. It was too wild, too alive, to be anything but joy and astonishment and pain all at once. “She always knew my name, she—” Laura gave a sob.
Riley wanted to step in, but she held back. She let Laura have the room, let her have the memory.
For a while, Laura didn't move. Her hands had come down from her face, but she was still—standing with the page open in front of her, her eyes tracking back over something near the bottom of the letter. Riley couldn't see which line. She didn't try to. But she could see the way Laura's breathing changed: not evening out, but dropping lower, settling into something that wasn't calm so much as anchored. Both of her chins lowered, just slightly. She read whatever she'd found one more time, the way you do when you're afraid the words will change if you look away.
Laura turned another page. The text was in the same hand, the letters pressed harder this time, as if the writer had something urgent to say.
My darling Laura,
You have a name now, and I have been talking to you for weeks, mostly late at night when everything is quiet. I don’t know if you can hear me. I choose to believe you can.
You move all the time. You favor my left side. After dinner, you have the hiccups. Sometimes in the evening you go so still I hold my breath until you start again, and when you do I feel something I don’t have a word for — not relief exactly, more like the world coming back into focus. You have been teaching me, I think, what it means to love something more than I am afraid.
I asked Arabella to do something for me. I can’t explain the full shape of it here, but I asked her to make sure you receive this book when you turn eighteen. She agreed. I trust her with this. I understand her a lot more, now. She will find a way to get it to you, wherever you are, whoever you have become by then.
So, if you are reading this on your eighteenth birthday: you have turned out exactly as I imagined. I don’t know the specifics, but I know you. I have known you since you were smaller than a strawberry, and I know that whoever you are now is someone worth meeting.
I will be thinking about you on that day. I will have been thinking about you every day between now and then.
Your mother, Sarah
This time, Laura cried. She didn’t make a scene of it, didn’t sob or crumple, but the tears came and did not stop. Both of her bodies stood side by side, one hand in the other, the book open in front of her.
After a moment she said, very quietly, “She was going to give it to me.” She said it the way you say something you already knew but hadn’t let yourself know. “On my eighteenth birthday.” Her voice didn’t break, exactly. It just lost some of its footing. “She trusted Arabella to—” She stopped. Started again, weeping. “I was thirteen.”
Neither Riley nor Myra said anything. What was there to say?
“I never—” Laura looked down at the page. Both of her jaws tightened at once. “She wrote all of this and I never—” She pressed her lips together and shook her head, not finishing the sentence, not needing to.
Riley wanted to say something, anything, but it didn’t feel right to break the spell.
After a while, Laura paged forward, skimming, until she reached one of the last entries written in the same hand, the ink faded but the words clear as glass.
My Laura,
I have held you.
I still cannot believe it is true. You are here, in the world, and I have held you. You are real. You have the Williams complexion and my hands and eyes so blue I can lose myself in them, and a way of looking at things that is completely your own, and you have been in the world for three days and you already seem to know more about it than I do.
You were not afraid of anything. When they put you in my arms the first time, you just looked at me. No crying, no fuss, just those enormous eyes taking me in as if you were deciding whether I would do. I think you decided yes. I hope I earn it.
I want to tell you things, practical things, the kind a mother is supposed to say. Things I may not be able to say, when you are older. Be kind where you can. Keep your promises. Don’t let anyone make you small. You come from women who loved fiercely and paid for it, and I want you to love fiercely too, but I also want you to know that you deserve to be loved back. You don’t have to earn it. You were born deserving it.
And this: find someone who will not let you be alone. Not someone who makes you need them, but someone who simply refuses to let you disappear. Someone who will be there before you know you need them to be, who will find you even when you don’t know you are lost. When you find that person, be that for them too. I think that is the whole of it, really. I think that is what a life is for.
I don’t know exactly when we go home, or what it will look like when we do. I have asked Arabella to watch over you, and I believe she will. That belief is the thing I am holding onto most tightly right now. She will keep you safe if I can’t do it myself.
I love you more than I can put in a book. This whole book is not enough. But it is what I have, so I am giving you all of it.
Your mother, Sarah
She didn't close the book. Her eyes went back up the page—not from the beginning, but searching, the way you look for something you only half-registered the first time. Riley saw the moment she found it: eyes so blue I can lose myself in them. Laura pressed her palm flat against the line.
Riley thought about the Hollow Garden. About Laura going there every morning, sitting with a woman who couldn't speak or look at her or lift her hand toward her. She thought about what it cost to do that—to go anyway, every day—and about the fact that in a letter thirty years old, Sarah had held Laura's face in her mind precisely enough to write it down. Had wanted to get it right.
Laura's eyes moved lower on the page. Slower now. She found the last long paragraph and read through it, and somewhere in the middle she stopped—on a specific line Riley couldn't quite see from where she stood—and went still in a way she hadn't gone still for the other letters. Not grief. Something with less sound to it than grief. More like being directly addressed.
Laura pressed the book to her chest, both sets of hands trembling so hard that the body which held it had to clamp down on it to keep the pages from fluttering open again. Her breathing came shallow and fast and, for a long moment, noisy with the kind of tears she did not allow herself in front of other people; even now, she faced the window, so that Myra and Riley saw only the backs of her heads and the tight flex of her shoulders. The book was thick, and she folded herself around it as if she could compress an entire lost world into inches of bound pale blue, and if she held it close enough, maybe her mother could touch her back—just for a second, just enough.
Neither Riley nor Myra tried to interrupt, or to fix the moment. Myra, who knew a thing or two about grief, stood with hands at her sides, not reaching, but ready—her ears perking up the instant Laura made any sound that was not breath. Riley, ever the observer, kept her body still and her eyes averted, letting Laura have the illusion of privacy she clearly needed. The cradle in the corner cast a long shadow against the wall; the planets in the glass mobile spun, very slowly, as if the room itself were suspended between breaths. Outside, summer pressed soft and relentless against the glass, the heat barely muffled by shuttered curtains.
It took a long time for Laura to run out of tears, and when she did, she did not blot her face on her sleeve the way she sometimes did, or try to play it off as something else. She let the evidence be visible, allowed the tears to run down both sets of cheeks, and then, when she was sure she could manage speech, she pressed the book even tighter and turned to her sisters.
She looked at them—both of her—for a long moment. Riley was against the wall, present but not pressing. Myra had her eyes half-closed and her tails low, the posture of someone who knows how to stand beside grief without handling it. Laura looked at the room: the cradle, the mobile, the desk where the book had waited in its ribbon. She looked at the light through the window, and then at the book in her hands, and something in her face settled—not finished, but the expression of someone who needs to find the bottom of a place they did not know existed.
“I need to read the rest,” she said, her voice scraped raw but clear. “Alone.”
Myra nodded once, with the strange, gentle dignity she could switch on like a light. She stepped closer, close enough to touch, and for a half-second Laura seemed as if she might allow herself to be touched—then, with a subtle movement, she stepped away. For Laura this counted as a hug. Myra got it. She pressed her hand, palm flat and warm, to Laura’s upper arm, then let go.
Riley, for her part, just met Laura’s eyes with eyes that knew a similar pain, and said softly, “Go. We’ll be here, when you need us.”
Laura went.
She left the nursery not with the awkward, head-down gait of someone trying to vanish, but with her chins up, eyes shining and red. Both sets. She clutched the book tight to her chest and disappeared down the brickwork path, past the cracked birdbath, into the heat. They heard her footsteps only until she reached the first bend in the path, and after that, nothing.
“I think it was nice she got to read it here,” Riley said, surprising herself a little. She was not the type to romanticize things. “I mean—” She looked at the pastel walls, the now-stopped mobile, the books. All of it was a little worn down now, a little sad, but still soft around the edges. “If it had to happen, I’m glad it was here.”
Myra just nodded, but she moved over to the window and braced her hands against the sill, letting the sunlight fall on her shoulders. They both stood like that, not quite talking and not quite alone, while the room slowly began to lose the static charge of enormous feeling and settle back into its old shape.
After a while, from the window, Myra said, "My mother spent years looking for me. No book, no ribbon. But she spent years." She didn't turn around. "I think I understand her a little better, today."
It was a minute or five before Riley said, “We should go.”
“Yeah.”
They left the nursery as quietly as they could, and Riley found herself treading more lightly than usual, as if not to disturb the air that still felt thick with Laura’s loss—or, maybe, with something new beginning in the space where loss had been. She paused at the door to give the cradle a final glance, saw the glass planets now perfectly at rest, and closed the door gently behind them.
The garden was even hotter than before, the hedges holding in the scent of cut grass and sun-warm brick. Riley followed Myra in silence, hands in her pockets, watching the way the other woman’s stride shortened when they moved into the shade. She wondered if Myra would want to talk about what had just happened, or if she would prefer to file it away, add it to the growing anthology of things that could not be changed but could be acknowledged, at least, in the quiet between two people.
They made their way back through the maze of hedges and trellises to the main path, neither of them in any hurry to return to the main building, where the world would once again be loud and crowded and full of eyes. Riley thought about the baby book, and about Laura's face, and—more than she expected—about Sandra, who had given her a name stitched into a bunny because she had no paper, no ribbon, no book. Who had held on to her in the only way she'd had.
What's next?
Harem Hotel
A reality show to alter reality
A reality show in which contestants compete for one lucky man or woman's affections, and are changed until they can.
Updated on Jun 15, 2026
by legolus
Created on Jan 9, 2022
by AliC
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