It was just a joke though, thankfully. As awesome as it would be to see him gyrating and swinging that incredible butt of his, you really didn't like the prospect of your best friend trying to teach you to dance. It being embarrassing enough as it was without the former Mr. 'Limp Fish' laughing and making fun of you.
Instead then, when the following morning came, Randall swung by your house to pick you up (keeping his distance still) and the two of you headed into town to grab some lunch. Where as before you might have gotten a burger or pizza, Randall seemed to be following your Auntie's diet pretty much religiously. So instead you went to a rather trendy sandwich bar that he and his friends often frequented, and he could get all the healthy crap he could want.
"I can't believe you're shunning pizza," you told him as you bit into your own calorie riddled sub - that having been your preferred choice on what to eat.
"I'm not shunning pizza. Not totally. I can still have it from time to time. I just like eating proper food now. There's nothing wrong with that."
"Somehow I don't think the old you would agree."
"Yeah, well the old me doesn't have your Auntie's taste buds," he replied, with a smirk. "The old me doesn't hit the gym twice a week, does he?"
This was true and you had no real retort for it. A lot of things now being very different from how they used to be - Randall's gym going and new diet especially. That didn't make it any less strange though, from an outsiders perspective. Having no real clue what was going on in that brain of his anymore.
"It just seems weird is all. I remember there was a period there when that was pretty much all you ate." Pizza having once been his all time favorite food.
"Well if you'd ever eaten Alice's cooking, you'd have felt the same way too."
You weren't entirely sure how to respond to this, having not heard Randall make mention of his step mother (or his father for that matter) in nearly a month. It was still a slightly dodgy area with him, and although you were more than a little tempted to ask whether or not he'd heard anything from them yet, in the end all you could do was let out an awkward little chuckle. "Heh. Yeah..."
"Anyway, you never told me the full story of what happened at the dance," Randall then said, quickly changing the subject. "What exactly did Allison say to you?"
"Geeze. Do we really have to, dude?" you groaned. Not really wanting to go through this all again.
Randall however, was adamant, and so you did. Telling him how you were both laughing at Danny and Chris' dancing and about her asking why you weren't dancing with them...
"...and then she was like "are you sure your not gonna go dance?", and then mentioned something about really liking the song that was playing..."
Obviously feeling your pain, Randall cringed, "Ouch. Yeah, that wasn't exactly the most subtle hint, now was it? How'd she leave things after that?"
"She just said she'd see me later."
"And did she?"
"No. Not really. I mean I saw her briefly in school, but she just said hello and that was it." It really did seem like you were in the dog house now.
"Okay, Tim. I hate to tell you this," he said, trying to be delicate for a second. Just a second mind. ",,,But you really got to man up here and ask this freaking girl out! I mean, she's clearly hot for you." Adding with a chuckle, "...God knows why."
"Funny," you told him. "Anyway, don't you think I've kinda missed my chance already?"
"Nah. You fucked up royally, but I think everyone gets a second go..."
And you would know with all that dating experience of yours, you almost grumbled, but thought better of it. Apparently becoming a woman had also turned him into a relationship expert as well. "So what exactly do you suggest I do?"
"Well it seems pretty much like you buckle every time you're around her," he explained. This being a pretty accurate assessment. "That's why you always end up making an ass of yourself. You need to get some confidence, dude. How the fuck did you ever get Beth to go out with you anyway?"
"She asked me," you replied. Having kind of fallen into your previous relationship purely by chance.
"Oh yeah. Well, maybe you like just need a little practice or something..." You really didn't like the sound of where this was going. Having a pretty good idea of what exactly he was going to say next. Which he then pretty much did. "Okay, hows about this... Pretend for a minute I'm Allison..."
"Fuck off!" you told him. Trying not to laugh. "I'm not doing that."
He was serious though, practically pleading with you now. "Come on, dude. I'm trying to help here. Just pretend I'm her." Though his actual performance indicating anything but. "Oh look at me, my names Allison Lowry and I'm a Cheerleader and I have a cute little Hello Kitty pencil case and everyone thinks I'm so awesome..." "
"Yeah, that's not really helping, Randall. Allison's not like that."
"I know. I'm just messing around. Come on though, ask me out."
It was clear that he wasn't going to let this drop, and as embarrassing and slightly humiliating as it was, after arguing for a good few minutes, you finally decided to give in and let him have his fun. It wasn't exactly going to hurt after all...
"Jesus, alright. If It'll shut you up," you told him, staring at his expectant face. Trying not to laugh at this ridiculousness of all this as you then said, " ...Hey, Allison, you wanna maybe go out some time?"
"What the hell was that?" was his less than positive feedback. "That's seriously how you're gonna say it?"
"Why? What was wrong with that?"
"You sounded like a robot, dude! Allison's not gonna want to go out with Robotron2000. Be a bit more natural."
Natural was all but impossible given the situation.
"Well it's kind of hard when I'm asking out my best friend and not the actual girl I like," you groaned, growing more than a little frustrated. He was supposed to be taking your mind off things, not pissing you off even more!
"Okay, okay. I'll try and get into character a bit more then," he said, backing off slightly and taking a moments pause. Clearing his throat.
"..."Oh Timmy, I'm so fucking wet for you," he began, barely even getting half way through the first sentence before cracking up, "Take that big fat cock of yours and split me like a log. My furry love hole needs you so bad!" Bursting fully into laughter then as he reached the end.
You were similarly affected admittedly. Finding it incredibly bizarre to actually hear your Aunt Joan's voice saying these things, but finding the look on his face as he did absolutely priceless. If there was one thing you could always count on Randall to do it was make you laugh. Even if it was at your expense.
"You are such a fucking ass, you know that?" you told him as you both continued to snicker. Almost failing to notice the figure approaching your table from the side.
"Joan?..." a rather muscular and athletic looking man cautiously asked, clearly recognizing Randall. "Hey, Joan, that is you. How you doing?"
Shaking off the laughter, Randall quickly replied, "Oh, hey. Hey ...Josh." Almost blanking on the name for a second. "I'm all good thanks. Just having a bite to eat. Hows yourself?"
"Good. Yeah. Just grabbing something myself before I hit the gym. Gotta couple of clients this afternoon," he smiled, holding up a sandwich to go. The dude looked like a swimsuit model or something, with his perfect teeth and fastidiously styled short black hair. Asking then, "Where've you been actually? Didn't see you with Aisha on Wednesday..."
Clearly this guy was a personal trainer or something at the gym that Randall and Aisha went to. Hence the connection.
"Yeah, I was kinda snowed under at work. Didn't get the chance to go. Hopefully things will cool of soon though..."
This continued for a few minutes, with the two of them making idle small talk about working out and the gym, while you just sat there awkwardly spectating. That was until Josh finally inquired who you were.
"Oh, sorry, yeah. This is Tim, my nephew," Randall said, having been completely oblivious, introducing the both of you. "Tim, this is Josh."
"Hey," you said, giving him a wave. He may have looked like a bit of a poser and have the kind of body that made women weep, but he seemed friendly enough.
"Nice to meet you, Tim," he replied. Looking then at his watch. "Anyway, I'd better get going. Don't wanna be late. Good seeing you, Joan. Catch you Monday no doubt." And with a wave he was off. Leaving the two of you again to return to business as usual.
"So who was that guy?" you asked, even though you'd pretty much figured it out from their brief conversation.
"He's a trainer at the gym. He's always stopping to chat with me and Aisha. Nice enough guy though."
"Yeah, he seemed okay."
You were unsure however if he was really just that friendly, or if he perhaps had aspirations to get inside Randall's pants. Just as that Cole guy from the office clearly was.
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