I opened my mouth to say something; something cruel and hurtful, to make her feel just as badly as she'd made me feel. All of my anger and venom boiled up, ready to erupt... and I froze.
I could almost feel the words on the tip of my tongue, crude and coarse, yet something gave me pause. I like to think that it was a moment of clarity; my brain trying to right the ship, so to speak. I closed my mouth again, taking a deep breath to steady myself.
Turns out that Amy was angrier than I was, or she simply ignored her own 'moment of clarity'. Either way, she held nothing back.
"Don't take your shit out on me just because you're feeling sorry for yourself! What, you thought that hanging around a bunch of hot chicks mean that at least one of us had to fall in love with you? That you deserve the occasional pity-fuck? Give me a break! You may be dressing better, you may be taking better care of yourself, but you're the same AV Club loser that you've been for the last three years! The only reason we even started hanging out was because Corrine and Talia felt sorry for you!"
I bristled at her last remark, my jaw going slack as my anger ebbed out of me, replaced by a cold feeling in the pit of my stomach. Once again, I couldn't find any words to say. It was like my brain had simply stopped, or rather that a switch had been flipped and nothing was working properly.
To her credit, the tension seemed to flush out of her system within seconds of finishing her last sentence, her eyes wide in realization and horror.
"J--Jesus, Ian, I... I didn't..."
I didn't stick around to hear the rest of what she had to say.
I bolted away from her, running faster than I'd ever ran in my life. I heard her shout my name, heard her running behind as she chased me, but I didn't stop for anything. Branches whipped across my face and body as I took off into the woods, driven forward by my **** desire to be as far away from...from everything...as I possibly could.
I don't know how long I ran for, and frankly it didn't matter, because no distance was far enough. My lungs burned as I gasped for breath, limbs driving me ever forward. I could still hear Amy calling after me, but all I could make out now was what she'd said before.
You're the same AV Club loser that you've been for the last three years! The only reason we even started hanging out was because Corrine and Talia felt sorry for you!
I gasped for air but ended up sobbing instead, tears springing forth and rolling down my cheeks as I kept on running. It all made sense in that moment: Stephanie's sudden dismissal of me for Simon, followed by Elizabeth, Corrine's endless teasing, Talia having sex with me despite having no interest...
I wasn't seen as a viable option by any of them. I was convenient, being hopelessly led along with no chance of there being any sort of real affection between any of us. Sure, I might get to cop a feel here and there, but I would never be anything more than a friend to any of them.
Was I even that?
The only reason we even started hanging out was because Corrine and Talia felt sorry for you!
I ran until I could run no further, my legs giving out beneath me and sending me tumbling onto the ground. I made no effort to get back up, instead curling into a ball and wrapping my head in my hands as I continued to sob uncontrollably.
The truth was out; the horrible revelation brought to light.
I wasn't really a friend... I was a loser. A sympathy case. They felt sorry for me.
I laid there sobbing for what seemed like hours, until I was all out of tears and doing nothing but dry-heaving. Right there, on the forest floor, I was at the lowest point that I'd ever been in my life.
I felt completely alone.
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