Hawk and Dove (H,T,M)

Helena woke to the torchlight of the Stone Cottage on the fifth day with Hazel waiting for her, as she had each day of the round already. She took off the headphones she used to help her sleep and set them on the bed next to her.

“Morning, Ma’am.”

“Good morning, Hazel. Thank you for being here.”

“Of course. Should I get the leash, or did you want to get ready for your shower yourself this time?" Her assistant and girlfriend asked.

“I can go there myself this time, could you bring the chair?”

“As you wish.”

So Helena undressed and straightened the bedsheets as best she could without being able to stand, leaving her pajamas folded on the bed for Hazel to take care of. She crawled across the hall to the bathroom in just her underclothes, as her assistant carried one of the chairs into the shower. It was something they’d started when they were living together last round. Before they’d revealed their affections to each other Hazel would set up the chair and set the soaps low enough for her to reach, then face the opposite direction while she cleaned herself from the chair herself. After they learned the truth Helena asked if she’d mind helping her wash her hair, and since then Hazel had taken advantage of the fact that the chairs in both houses were waterproof to undress and do it every morning for her.

So the redhead had her eyes closed as Hazel ran her fingers through her hair, straining out the shampoo. It was more relaxing than anything. But that sense of calm paradoxically felt off, and so she tried to start planning in her mind. There’s three days until my day with Richard. If I’m diligent, that’s just enough time to finish revealing the files as he asked me to. “Now that Aubrey will be back from her date, do you think that we should ask her or Ava to meet today for a presentation?”

The answer took a moment. “I think Felicia would be the most receptive out of those we have left, especially considering our minimal interference. But I would urge you to consider another day to let things settle. Maybe we could take another day to rest while we wait for a good opportunity? We could stop by your step-brother’s and get permission for a tennis match together? We could also visit the library, Maeve mentioned that she left part of it empty for the two of us to add to if we wanted.”

“Those both sound nice, but we really need to get back to work.” Something occurred to her. “This is the third day in a row you’ve suggested postponing the presentations. Is there a reason why?”

“I spoke to Dr.Petrov yesterday. Given who’s left, I think this might be a good place to stop.”

“What did she say to make you doubtful?” Helena asked.

“Nothing. She asked far more than she said. I didn’t answer most of her questions for you. She made some valid points about needing to understand you, so I tried to make her understand how much you’ve been through by telling her about your side of the crash.

“Turn off the water.”

Hazel paused. “Babe?”

“Turn off the water.” Her bodyguard crossed behind her, and the water came to a trickle. “How much exactly did you tell her?”

“Mostly how it related to you and your old fashion dreams. Where you were when you found out what happened. I tried to lean on what she already knew from working with Richard to avoid digging into too many specifics." Hazel tried to squat down in the shower, making eye contact for her attempt to reassure her girlfriend.

“Good. Thank you. I’m sorry, you of all people I should’ve trusted.”

“It’s alright babe, I don’t want to make you panic. Can I turn the water back on so we can finish?”

“Not yet. You said you didn’t want us to do them anymore?” Helena asked.

“No, but it doesn’t matter. We can keep going if that’s what you need.”

“Hazel,” Hel protested. “You’re my girlfriend now. I want to hear your concerns.”

The nude bodyguard shook her head, still prone on the tile floor that was getting colder. “Honestly, that’s the part that’s making it harder. Before, most of my job was keeping you out of danger. When you were doing something risky, or getting involved with something we weren’t prepared for yet, it felt natural to speak up. I couldn’t protect you if I was letting you play the distraction, after all. I get that same sense here, but I don’t want to hold you back.”

Helena sighed. “So I want to hear what you have to say because I want to be a good partner, and you don’t want to give your full argument because you also want to be a good partner?”

“It sounds silly, but yes.”

“We should talk to Maeve. Together, this time.”

“As you wish Ma’am. I’ll turn the water back on.”

***

“So let me get this straight. You both have strong opinions on what to do with your files where you recorded our private lives. Despite these strong opinions, you both are insisting on doing what the other one of you wants, despite the fact that the thought of actually going through with it makes you miserable?”

“Miserable is a strong word.” Helena pushed back.

“Is it wrong?”

“Probably not.” She admitted.

Why does this have to be my job? Maeve thought to herself. She’d been meditating when Hazel had come back unexpectedly, bringing her girlfriend with her. They’d said that they’d reached an impasse and needed her help as a mediator. She’d been tempted to say no, with how frustrated she felt with both of them after reading Hazel’s notes and then being confronted like she’d done something wrong after putting effort into helping. But she’d been caught off guard and let them start explaining their problem and at this point it felt like it was too late to say ‘No, find someone else.’ “I’ll help, of course, but I’d like to ask a favor in return.”

“Name it.” Hazel agreed. “As long as Ms.Turner agrees then-”

“Can you hold this for me?” Maeve asked.

Hazel’s eyes widened as she pulled Helena closer. “Which one was that?”

“Cuddle Therapist. It’s been interfering with my work too much.”

“I see.” Hazel nodded, composing herself again as usual. She began to weave her nimble fingers through the buttons of her girlfriend’s blouse, not noticing the gasp that she’d caused. “I’m sorry to hear that. Hopefully the fact that I’m not the one leading the conversation will prevent it from triggering.”

The redhead caught one of Hazel’s hands as it’d begun trying to undo the buttons around her stomach. She frantically turned and whispered something, leading Hazel to take her hands away and drop them down to where their thighs met.

“I see what you mean now, about this interfering. I’ll do my best to keep it under control. Please continue.

“Of course, thank you. Since this seems like part of growing pains as a new couple, can you tell me what previous relationship experience you both have?”

The two women looked at each other, trying to decide who should go first. After a moment’s indecision, Hazel went first. “I had some one night stands back when I lived in Los Angeles, along with a sculptor I had something casual with for a bit briefly. Nothing since I met the Turners.”

“And you, Helena?” Dr. Petrov turned to the other woman.

“I dated people in high school and all through college, though it never became especially serious like Richard and Aubrey. I tried to go on dates as an adult in the past few years, but everyone I met was either too vapid to relate to or they felt too relatable and I just felt disgusted around them.” Hazel took her hand, disquieted at what was implied at the end of the explanation.

“So neither of you are used to something with an agreed commitment like you have?” Both women nodded. “Can one of you share your perspective first?”

Hazel started first again. “We’ve shown everyone that will react well to seeing their files already. Every new person we try is likely to be upset and lash out. They may not ever forgive you.”

“You mean us?” Maeve reminded. “This is something the two of you did together. Most of the handwriting in what I saw was yours.”

“That’s true.” Hazel admitted. “They may not forgive us.”

“There’s still Aubrey.” Helena tried to point out. “She loves us, and she’d forgive this, especially after she sees the second folder we’ve made.”

“If she sees her second folder she’ll be even less likely to accept it.” Hazel shot back.

“Can either of you tell me what you mean by her second folder?” Dr.Petrov asked.

“No.” They answered her in unison.

Of course. “I wouldn’t normally say this, but I’d like to make a new rule for when I’m working with either of you. Anything worth bringing up is worth explaining, at least enough for me to respond to it. Can both of you accept that?”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea, but fine.”

“If that’s what you need.” Hazel agreed. “But back to what I was saying, none of them are likely to forgive you. I can accept most of them not forgiving me, but I don’t want to see you get hurt by us continuing to do this.”

“Maybe that’s what needs to happen.” Helena said quietly.

“Ma’am?”

“I hurt them, right? It’s only natural that they hate me for it. It’s what I deserve. I should give them that chance.”

“Babe, I…” Hazel looked over at the therapist, silently asking her to step in.

“Helena, are you trying to use these reveals as a way to punish yourself?”

“I- not specifically.”

“Can you elaborate on that?”

“The point is to be more honest and admit what I’ve done with you all. But as I’ve been lingering on these, and especially after talking to Stella, it feels like these are something I should be punished for.”

“Even though you tried to justify them with me? It feels like there’s a disconnect there, feeling like you should be punished for something you said was protecting me.”

“Just because it’s for the greater good doesn’t mean that it's not wrong.”

“Babe,” Hazel tried to get a word in. “It’s not wrong. We can’t discuss it here anymore, but they were the right thing to do. You should remember everything good we’ve been able to do with them.”

“Hazel, she has a certain point. You both invaded everyone’s privacy. That’s not something you do with people you care about.”

“Thank you.” The redhead said quietly.

“And you,” the therapist turned to her. “Seeking penance and trying to prostrate yourself isn’t helpful either. Honesty and recognizing that you did something wrong is good. But when it goes too far, it makes the other person feel like they need to reassure you rather than acknowledging their full feelings about what you’ve done. When you show the others the rest of these, and I think you need to show them, try to take the stance that you’re open to their response without looking for anything specific. I was tempted to give you homework the last time we spoke, but I decided you needed a gentler first session. We’ve reached what feels like a suitable stopping point to be meeting this early in the morning, so I’d like to leave both of you with something to take away from this to try and work on. Would you both be willing to try it?”

Helena nodded, and a moment later Hazel nodded too.

The therapist first turned to Hel. “You have a tendency you’ve discussed with me of trying to manage people. You admitted that you don’t think of any of them as your friends. I want you to spend time with several of them without trying to control them or guide them towards whatever you think they need. If you do want to make a suggestion or change their behavior, be direct. Can you do that? I'd like you to meet with me more to discuss your self-esteem in the future, and when we do I'd like you to tell me about your progress.”

“I can try.”

“Good. Now Hazel,” The therapist turned to the Indian woman. “From what I’ve seen in the fourteen days we’ve been here, you prioritize your partner above all else and seem **** to spend time without her. I'm giving you similar homework. Spend time with the others without her. Try to relate to them. Maybe prioritize whoever’s left in your files so you can make a recommendation on who to reveal to next after you both have tried this. Would you be able to handle that?”

“Of course.”

“Good. It’s long past time that I should have gone to breakfast. Aubrey sent me a dozen texts this morning asking me to meet her at the library, I’d encourage you both to come with me.”