Freedom

When it came time the confines were torn down and crawling out almost like he had found the light from within a darkened tunnel he felt the hands drag him up and help him up the stairs, “Are you okay Damian?” Esme questioned and straining himself over to the chair to sit down Damian asked, “How long has it been?” “50 years!” he nodded and looking around muttered, “Room hasn’t changed much” “No we did that to try and not overbear you when you came out. We have to ask you some questions first” Esme responded and pulling the question sheet out Carlisle asked, “Do you feel an bond to Esme?” “No… a hole where it was but nothing like that” “Do you feel any love for her at all?” “Wasn’t the first one enough?!” Esme snarled but shrugging Carlisle replied, “I’m covering all the angles” “No. nothing” Carlisle nodded before looking at number 3 asked, “Do you feel okay? Nothing you can’t handle? Any outburst or anger that could cause an freak change?” “Anger… but nothing that can cause a change” he nodded as Esme muttered in a form of comfort, “We will discuss this later” “Why?” Damian asked and being professional Esme replied, “You are going to need therapy, you have been through a lot and that needs to be taken care of and treated for” Damian looked down and nodding Carlisle asked the fourth question, “How’s the wolf?” “Calmed down… I suppose locking me away for 50 years allowed me to get used to him” Damian lightly joked which cause Esme feel guilty once again, she could have a holiday or talk to friends to help her what did he have? A blood crazy wolf in a small cell. “Finally, is there a way we can help?” “No… I will just leave soon. Better that way!” Esme looked down before glumly replied, “Damian… you are part of our family even if it doesn’t seem like that. We want to help” and looking down Damian replied, “Isn’t that what our “sessions” going to be about?” and looking down Esme replied, “I… I suppose you are right. We have a room made up for you, I can’t imagine the cell was very nice; the room has a shower and balcony if you want somewhere quiet to think” Damian got up and looking down replied, “I’m just going to sit outside for a bit” “It’s raining though” Carlisle stated and nodding Damian said, “Doesn’t matter I can’t get a cold.”

Twenty minutes later and watching from the window to their bedroom Esme spoke, “I wish I had Edwards gift” “Why?” Carlisle questioned changing his clothes, “Just to be able to read his thoughts” “Intruding much?” Carlisle teased lightly but looking back angrily Esme fired back, “No. I just want to know he is okay. He has been through way more than he should have and I want to know that he is okay” “I know love, I was just trying to distract you from your worry, Edward’s gift didn’t even work on him anyway. Truthfully, I’m concerned for him to. I think he is going to keep pushing people away and as much as I don’t blame him it isn’t healthy” she nodded before looking back to him asked, “I want his first session to not have any intrusions. See to it?” he nodded as he finished tying his shoe laces up and giving her a jacket to cover her bust up completely replied, “Just in case… he doesn’t need that again.”

The room was silent except for Esme who shuffling her papers pressed the tape recorder and spoke, “Connor tape 1.” there was silence for a few moments before taking the lid off her pen asked, “How are you feeling Damian?” “You would say healthy” “I mean mentally. Is there anything you want to talk about?” “Not really.” “You mean to tell me that after everything that you have no questions or thoughts on the events?” “No. It’s my mother’s fault” “How so?” Esme questioned sitting up finally having something to work on, “Shouldn’t have given birth to me. Should have stopped at my brother” “We both know she wouldn’t agree” “And look at her now; she’s dead I’m not. Doesn’t that make her thinking wrong and mine right?” “She couldn’t have known what you were going to be. She saw a young boy that just wanted to live” “And you Esme? What do you see?” “I see an man scarred at everything and anything. A person who needs help emotionally and someone who could be something better after all this is done. What do you see?” he looked down at thinking on it said coldly, “A monster who brings on suffering. In nature I am meant to hunt vampires down but in practicality I fail even that” “So nature defines you?” Esme questioned making notes, “I’ve got nothing else. I haven’t exactly got a life, I have no friends and most importantly no other purpose” Esme paused before finishing her note said, “Okay so let’s talk about that. You said you don’t have any friends… you should try and make some. How about Rosalie or Alice?” “I just hear you trying to partner them up with me. Is it to cover your guilt?” “There we’re just suggestions. How about Emmett? Or Jasper? Or the pack?” “Emmett is an idiot, Jasper I don’t trust and the pack are beneath me.”

Esme considered the response before asking, “If that’s the case what causes you to make these judgement?” “I just know. Next question” “Okay… women, now that you are free have you considered finding someone in the future?” “NO!” “Why’s that?” and like that Esme saw the first of reaction to her questions, “Because we’ll both get hurt. I will get abandoned again. Must stay alone, better that way” “Why?” “I can’t be hurt if I don’t fall in love” Esme stopped and looking down nodding slapping the tape recorder, “We…errr will continue this next time. Please Damian get some sleep”

“How was it?” Carlisle asked and looking up from her notes Esme summarised, “I think Tanya should do the sessions, she is equally as trained as me” “Why? You know the last time she did she tried to bed the patient because she “loved” him” Esme turned the page and summarised her thoughts for him to hear, “He suffers from abandonment issues but worse than that he blames himself for it. He blames himself for everything and believes being alone is the best course of action; he believes not having anyone but himself will help ensure he can’t get hurt. He doesn’t trust anyone and this has caused him to push back at any help” “So… we knew this” she shook her head before admitting, “His comment about not having love meaning he can’t get hurt. I don’t know… it hurts me thinking that he thinks this way is the only way forward. I don’t think I cope knowing it was me who did it to him” Carlisle joined his wife side and offering her comfort replied, “If anyone can help, you can. Keep asking the questions and if there is any medical medication he needs I’ll get it” Esme nodded but not getting her hopes up said, “I’ll try.”

“Session 2. Connor or shall I say Damian. Last time we talked about loneliness is better because you believe you can’t be hurt. I feel like there is another reason for this what is it?” “I don’t want another imprint… it’s too much. You probably don’t feel it because you didn’t care for any of it but I do. I feel empty emotionally and like there’s a piece of me missing a chunk that I can’t get back. I can’t go through it again; I plead to never go through it again even if it means living in isolation” Esme looked down and muttering, “It still hurts me too” caused Damian reply, “Then don’t ask me to talk about it when it’s still raw” she nodded but looking up said, “No we must. We must handle this issue to help you get better” “Esme don’t!” “No, we both know that now the bond is broken there will be a new imprint someone who is better than me and treat you better than I ever did; that won’t break your heart like I did. So answer me: why do you have so little faith?” “Because I’M UNWORTHY, OKAY ESME, UNWORTHY!” “What do you mean? Damian explain…” “It doesn’t matter” “No explain!” “I didn’t get you, when you should have come to my side the imprint almost guarantees it and you didn’t. I was unworthy of it clearly and another bond will just emphasis it. I’m scared that if I have anyone like before I will have the same results. So that’s why I don’t want to talk about it” “Damian stop talking foolish” “You never understand. You never will!” Damian growled standing up, “Damian where are you going?! Damian!” and shifting Damian rushed off causing Esme to sigh and head butting the table Carlisle walked in and joining her spoke confused, “Why does he think that?” “I don’t know okay Carlisle I wish I did. I wish I knew what to say to him but I don’t. Maybe the wolves having an saying or name for a failed imprint all I know is… I feel the hole that he has, it isn’t nice but where I have you to pick me up when I’m down he has only himself” “Where are you going Esme?” “To check up on him. What do you think?!” she growled storming off.

“Damian…” Esme spoke checking if it was okay to sit next to him on the cliff edge there was no response so seeing her chance slid next to him still waiting for an response, “Do you… never mind” “Tell me Damian. What is it?” “Ever regret choices?” “Yes a lot of the time but I have to believe I can fix my mistakes and help those who are suffering” “What if you can’t fix decisions or help the people it effects?” “Then I keep on trying. My job isn’t finished until everyone I have hurt is better” “And if you can’t physically fix it” “I don’t know. Why?” “You’re wasting your time. That’s what I’m trying to say. You should be worrying about fixing your family and bringing them together not me” “You are my family to” “No I was an burden, your family were **** to have” “Maybe we were **** but you aren’t a burden. You are a young man who was **** to deal with too much at such a sort period of time. It’s why I want to talk to you about it. Originally I planned on discussing the wolf but you seem to get on well together now. Look… if you just want to talk I will listen if not then we won’t. Just don’t shut me and the others out believing you are better this way; you aren’t” “I got to go!” “No you don’t!” he pointed to the moon rising and nodding Esme muttered, “Stay safe Damian.”

Tape after was filled first it continued to be about life and issues with the belief he was still to blame despite Esme’s reassurances and. After the 13th tape they moved onto his actions against the Volturi which he explained it was a matter of kill or be killed and the wolf took control. After the 25th tape it was about the breaking up and Damian understanding what she was doing then but it doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt now and he in term acknowledged why she did it. After tape 32 the tape about the imprisonment and explaining his time was taken up by thinking about everything and practicing his changing that made his control of the beast almost spot on. He explained his insecurity is what replaced his paranoia and his idea that he won’t ever imprint again until Esme is dead because despite the bond being broken, the imprint was alive. Esme acknowledged the theory but acknowledging that after over 50 tapes worth of content all the sessions had done is fill gaps in her knowledge and given her different perspectives and very little else. Maybe Damian had improved so closing it down Esme said, “We both agreed we aren’t getting anywhere… so let’s just try and be friendly with the family and any issues we can talk about at a later date. Go now the family will be happy to see you.”