Freddy Goes Rogue

"You can count on me, boss," Freddy said. "Secret Agent Freddy Mills is on on the case. I'm going to find out everything about these bitches. Not to mention when I finally hack into all their phones and computers."

Olive just rolled her eyes. As she had expected Freddy had little in the ability to hack anything. He said he was working on something big, but his only accomplishment thus far was guessing a frat member's Facebook password. He subsequently used that access to write, 'I'm an asshole that wets his bed.' He had shown her while beaming with pride at how he had gotten that asshole good. Olive had feigned excitement but realized Freddy would be little to no help in her **** plans.

"Hey don't touch that," Olive said as she saw Freddy pick up a wand-looking device from her invention table.

"Sorry," he muttered, looking like he just got caught with his hand in the cookie jar. "What is that thing?"

"A modified version of the sick stick from Kick-Ass 2 that packs a little more punch. Although I haven't figured out the puking part yet and it's a little touchy," Olive said.

"So you mean it will make someone shit their pants," Freddy said with a laugh.

"Among other things," Olive responded rolling her eyes, which was becoming a common occurrence with Freddy.

"Can I borrow it," Freddy asked?

"No, like I said it isn't done yet and you'll probably just end up hurting yourself," Olive said shuttering at the thought of Freddy trying to handle any of her inventions.

"But I might need some sort of protection when I'm behind enemy line," Freddy pleaded.

"You'll be fine, just try and gather information without being caught. Got it," Olive said.

Freddy gave her a dejected look, "Ya I got it," he said turning to pick up his stuff. In the process, he knocked into the table again showing half his fat ass.

"Jesus, be careful," Olive said as she turned her head to avoid the unpleasant sight.

"Sorry," Freddy again muttered, as he shuffled out of the room struggling to carry his stuff.

As she shut the door, Olive gave a sigh of relief. With Freddy now out of the way for the time being she could finally decide who her first target would be.

Freddy bumbled out of the dorm. His smile growing with every step, as he could feel the wand-like object sticking out of his pocket. He didn't like the idea of stealing from Olive because she was so nice and sweet to him, but this was war and a solder needs his weapon.

"Now if I was a spy looking to gather intel where would I start," Freddy narrated to himself getting into character. "Ah-ha, I should go straight to the source. Greek Row." Immediately as he said it he felt queasy. He had not returned to Greek Row since that fretful night. Freddy took in a deep breath, "A good spy doesn't let anything get in the way of completing his mission," Freddy said marching with purpose to his destination.

As Freddy reached Greek Row his confidence had all but evaporated. The sight of the big houses and students walking around caused him to shiver in fear. He could feel the eyes of everyone around him, taunting him or even worse knowing about his current mission. He couldn't do this, not yet. Maybe he should start around campus, gather intel there first. Freddy was about to turn back to campus when he heard a voice.

"Is that my favorite punching bag, Fat Freddy back on Greek Row," a man's voice sounded.

"Knew it smelt like shit," came a more feminine voice.

Freddy slowly turned to be greeted by two familiar faces. Todd Chambers and his girlfriend now fiance Alexandra Whittmore.

Freddy's heart sank as fear rose up inside of him. Todd Chambers was an entitled douche and a senior at Phi Delta Theta. He was your typical All-American trust fund prick. Walking around like he owned the place, knowing he could get away with anything because of his family. He had recently gotten engaged to his girlfriend, Alexandra Whittmore. She too was a trust fund snob and complete bitch. While at the frat Freddy had been prohibited from even looking at her when she was at the house. If he was ever caught slipping Todd would give him a hard punch to the stomach. Together they were the perfect couple, with their perfect lives, always demining anyone they saw as lesser than them.

"Watch your eyes, you fat fuck," Todd said with a chuckle. Freddy's eyes immediately went to the ground. "Don't think I've seen you since we tied you to the light post covered in cum. Remember what we said would happen if you come around here again?"

"Maybe he's back for more? Heard that gave your tiny little cock a boner, you shrimp dick fag," Alexandra chimed in with a sneer.

Freddy could feel the temperature of his body rise with embarrassment. That was until he felt Olive's sick stick in his pocket. A smile began to form on his face, "Hey Todd," Freddy said as he looked up staring at Alexandra defiantly. "I'm looking at your girl."

"Gross," Alexandra whined.

"Oh, so fatty is looking for a beating then," Todd said.

"I would think twice about that if I were you because I got this," Freddy said pulling out the wand.

Todd and Alexandra burst out laughing, "Oh is Harry Potter going to teach us a lesson," Alexandra eventually choked out, "How fucking pathetic."

"What? No, it's not a wand it's a sick stick," Freddy stammered try to gain control of the conversation.

"A sick stick, Jesus you are some dumb piece of shit," Todd mocked.

"Although the puke part doesn't work... or was it the shitting part," Freddy thought back trying to remember Olive's words. "No, it was definitely the puking part... or."

His processing was soon interrupted as Alexandra, clearly having enough, slapped him hard across the face. "That's for looking at me you fat piece of shit and this is for having the audacity to think you could humiliate us." With those words the snobby bitch delivered a hard kick to Freddy's groin.

Pain exploded from his balls as he fell to the ground. Alexandra and Todd's laughter could be heard as Freddy wheezed trying to catch his breath. The laughing rang in his ears as if it were the laughter of every bully that had humiliated him in the past. The pain started to subside as anger took over. With one giant warcry, Freddy lept to his feet and jammed the sick stick into the side of Alexandra's left boob.

"Owww, what the fuck," she said holding her chest.

Freddy was taken back by the anticlimactic moment. He looked from the device to Alexandra and then back to the device. Confused, he poked Alexandra a few more times in the tit.

"Stop it you fucking creep," Alexandra said trying to shield her boobs.

"What the fuck are you doing, you little shit," Todd got to his feet.

Freddy looked on in panic as the menacing bully approached. "Come on work you stupid thing," he said hitting the side of the wand. Freddy went to protect his face from the beating Todd was about to dish out when two sets of metal prongs shot out of the wand and hit the bully directly in the groin. Todd's reaction was immediate as electricity shot through his body. The arrogant pick tensed up as he fell on his back continuing to seize.

"What the fuck, Todd," Alexandra screamed rushing over to him.

Freddy just looked on in shock, surprised the sick stick doubled as a taser.

"Shut it off you fat fuck," Alexandra screamed again, holding her fiancee's head.

Freddy fumbled with the device, not knowing how to turn it off. A wet stain had now appeared on Todd's shorts as he lost control of his bladder.

"You fucking god damn retar..."

Alexandra's insults were cut short as Freddy, in his panic, push a random button on the wand. Two more metal barbs shot out, and with almost exact precision hit Alexandra on each one of her nipples. Like her boyfriend had done seconds ago the snobby bitch seized up and fell face-first onto Todd's groin getting a face full of her fiancee's piss.

Freddy just watched in a combination of amusement and horror as his two former bullies convulsed on top of each other in the 69 position. Freddy continued to press random buttons on the wand hoping to stop the electric current. After about 15 seconds the wires popped out of the taser and the chaos ceased.

Neither bully moved as Freddy cautiously approached the **** duo, "Todd, Alexandra are you guys ok," Freddy asked. Not being the brightest bulb in the box, he poked Alexandra with the wand to see if she was awake. Just then Alexandra released the loudest fart Freddy had ever heard, which was saying a lot. The loud expulsion of gas caught him off guard causing him to stumble backward. As Freddy refocused on the situation he saw a sight he thought he would never see. Alexandra Whittmore, the entitled snob that Freddy was prohibited from even looking at, was shitting herself. A brownish-green stain could be seen on the back of Alexandra's tiny white shorts and was growing with each passing second. Diarrhea sprayed down her legs causing the foul liquid to pool around Todd's head. The chorus of disgustingly wet farts continued as an odor, that smelled worse than rotten eggs and compost mixed together in a porta-potty, smacked Freddy in the face causing him to gag. The mushy shit oozed out of the waistband of Alexandra's shorts and down the indentation of her crack. The vile brownish-green mess trickled down her ass before dripping on Todd's douchey **** face.

"Oh my god, what's that," A voice yelled out.

Freddy looked around in a panic. He saw a couple of nerdy-looking frat guys pointing in his direction. Not wanting to get caught, Freddy took one last look at his humiliated bullies before shuffling away.

"Oh my god, that's Todd Chambers and Alexandra Whittmore?"

"What the hell did she eat, that smells terrible."

"I think I'm going to be sick."

"This shit is amazing, pun definitely intended."

"I got it all on video. Fuck those entitled snobs."

"Oh shit, she's waking up."

The last thing Freddy heard, as he left Greek Row, was an ear-piercing scream followed quickly by a massive crackling fart.