Freak out

It takes a moment for the reality of the situation to catch up with Tony.

Thoughts begin to jumble together as he sits there, trying to reason with the complete rewrite of everything he thought he knew about people up until this point. He'd bargained enough today with all the scientific mumbo jumbo that Zimmerman had thrown his way; 'thought transference' this, 'parallel universes' that. If this was the situation mankind was faced with, how had it not gone extinct ages ago? Did women still have wombs? How were babies made? Tony was no scientist, but he knew enough to understand that hermaphroditic organisms were far more simple than something as complex as a human being. Was hermaphrodite even really the appropriate term? Women still seemed to be virtually identical to the universe he'd left behind. Biology clearly didn't work the same way in this world as it did in his own.

Existential questions about how life had progressed on this strange planet, though, took an immediate backseat to personal matters the more Tony considered it. He was now a man with an orientation incompatibility that was impossible to solve. He could form friendships, visit his parents, and go about his life more or less as he had before but he would be stuck with nothing but his own memories (and hand) for the rest of his life.

Tony felt his heart sink at that realization, his gaze drifting to the door to the apartment and woman who lived right next to him. All the years he'd wondered whether or not to ask Katie out hadn't mattered; the answer, now, was moot. One of the most poignant expressions of affection was beyond his grasp and all because he'd answered the wrong ad online when he'd been down on his luck.

He doesn't even realize he's crying and Tony wipes the fat droplets that had fallen onto the table away with far more **** than was necessary. Shakily picking himself up from his seat, Tony stumbled towards his apartment door, not even bothering to put his shoes on again, as he threw it open and made his way only a few feet to the entrance to Katie's apartment. He hesitated for a moment. Tony had little doubt she'd want to be bothered at night like this, but if there was someone he could confide in - no, someone he had to confide to - it would be her. He knocks against the wood again and again, stopping every few moments to strain his ears and listen to see if there was any noise on the other side. In a few seconds, he hears a shuffling behind the door, as the lock slowly clicks and it's tentatively opened. Katie peeks her head out before swinging it openly widely.

"Hey, Tony. What's up?"

"N-nothing much..."

"Any particular reason you're pounding on my door at 10 at night?"

"..."

Tony's watery eyes and runny nose must've finally caught her eye as she takes a moment to give him his second appraisal today.

"Are you, uh, crying?"

Tony squares his shoulders and stuffs his hands into his pockets, kicking the ground.

"Yeah, but before you ask, no, I don't know if I can tell you why."

This obviously puzzles Katie and she doesn't bother to hide her perplexed expression from him. Tentatively, she steps past the door and out into the hallway before she hesitantly reaches out to him. She pulls him close to her, wrapping his arms around her midsection, as she leans down, head on his shoulder. Almost immediately Tony can feel himself collapse against her, tears mixing with snot running from his nose as they mix with the fabric of the hoodie she's wearing.

"Must be some secret if it has you this upset."

She holds him there for what feels like an eternity, doing nothing but standing stock still as he lets all the pent up confusion and anger out he's had ever since he got to this new world. A part of him isn't ashamed to admit he likes standing here, **** and feeling weak, wrapped tight in Katie's embrace, her muscular form letting him latch onto something stable.

But, like everything, his crying eventually comes to an end and he drops his arms from Katie to his sides once more. Coughing awkwardly, he looks at her with bleary eyes and gestures past her into her apartment.

"Mind if I come in?"

Katie moves an arm around his shoulders and steers him inside with her. The door is locked behind the two of them and Tony takes a moment to appreciate how tidy Katie's apartment is in comparison to his own. There isn't a single thing out of place; it's so neat and clean that it's hard to believe she's been living in the same place for years.

"You want anything?" Katie asks, turning her head to you and stuffing her hands into her sweatpants pockets. "I don't have anything more than tea, coffee, water, or milk though."

"Tea'll be plenty, thanks."

Tony wordlessly moves towards the kitchen counter, climbing up onto the stool that sits behind it, and sits there with his head in his hands for several minutes. The only ambience to his slow mental disintegration being Katie working in the background as the little kettle she puts on shrieks when it finishes boiling the water. Mugs thump, spoons clatter, boxes open as Katie goes about her work, carefully pouring the water and then letting the tea bags steep. She says nothing during the entire time she's preparing their drinks and it's something Tony has always immensely appreciated about their friendship before today, but now especially. She'll only broach topics once she's sure that the other person is comfortable with doing so.

Suddenly, Tony finds a mug pushed over to him, the tea sloshing at the edges of it but never quite spilling out as Katie asks him gently, "Sugar?" He nods silently and she opens a cabinet to pull out a small serving dish, taking the lid off, and reaching into a drawer for another spoon. Three scoops for Tony, but none for Katie, as she stands there, leaning forward against the counter a few feet away from him.

"Katie... I- I can ask you anything, right?"

"Of course,"she blows on the rim of her cup, eying him and not even hiding her concern. Tony fixes her with a hard stare as he drags his finger across the rim of the mug, staring straight ahead into the cabinet just above the sink.

"Then no matter what I'd ask, it wouldn't make things awkward between us, right?"

"I mean, I guess it'd depend on what exactly the question was but come on, Tony. We've known each other since we were kids."

"What if you thought I was crazy? You wouldn't try to turn me in, would you?"

Katie looks at him with utter confusion written on her features now, something almost magnified by her pair of glasses. "If you weren't hurting anybody or yourself... I don't think so."

"Can I ask you a very simple question then?"

Katie, completely lost at the meaning of this line of questioning, only shrugs her shoulders, her fingers playing against her French braid. "Shoot."

"Does the word vagina mean anything to you?"

"Never heard of it," Katie frowns into her tea. "Why?"

Tony sits there in silence, not bothering to bring his mug up to take a drink. He runs a hand through his hair. This is it. Do or die.

"I wasn't honest with you earlier today. Work didn't go normally for me - at all." Tony fixes her with a pleading expression, hoping against hope that she'll understand. "I had a pretty serious touch-and-go moment for a while." Immediately he can tell the information puts Katie on edge. Her eyes grow wide at that and she stares down into her mug, taking a long sip, and then placing it on the countertop in front of her.

"Tony..."

"New Horizons' technology is... look, I don't know the science behind it. I'm not smart enough for any of that. But my boss, Dr. Zimmerman, explained it a little bit. They study quantum theory over there; specifically, the relationship between universes."

Closing his eyes, Tony drums the hand not on his cup against the smooth surface of the counter.

"Transporting an object from one world to another would be difficult; maybe not impossible, but it wouldn't be big enough to matter, really. You couldn't report on what you found either; it'd just be sending what you wanted then retrieving it. So they began to ask if they could send other, more abstract things... you know, like thoughts."

"Or a person's mind?"

Nodding slowly, Tony looks at Katie again. Whatever his expression is on his face, it must be heavy enough that Katie leans in further.

"They figured it'd be like a TV signal, bouncing it from one place to another. Send someone by finding a copy of them somewhere else in the same moment that they were being tested and send them over. Then, in the future, you could retrieve them to learn about what the other world was like. It's pretty risky but... you can see the logic, at least."

Katie frowns, not saying a word, as her eyes dart back and forth almost as if she's putting things into place herself. Figuring he'll beat her to the punch, Tony finally takes a swig of the sweetened tea and whispers quietly more to himself than his companion, "It's not crackpot stuff. They managed to do it; I'm proof of it."

"So you went to a different world and came back? Is that it?" Katie says quizzically, arching an eyebrow. "That's a lot to take in..."

"No," Tony says, shaking his head. "At least not entirely. I am Tony, just not the one you know."

Katie's eyes are now saucer-shaped. "So let's say I believe you. That word you used before, 'vagina,' is that something from your universe?"

"Yes," Tony says. He wants to apologize so much to her right now, to let her know that he's sorry for snuffing out another person's life - even if that was, absurdly, his own - all for the sake of monetary gain. He doesn't even begin to know how to broach telling her such a thing. "It's something women have and men don't."

"..."

Katie says nothing, her hand returning to playing idly with her braid once more.

"Look, I know that I sound absolutely bat shit. Come with me tomorrow, okay? We'll go to New Horizons, talk with Dr. Zimmerman, and she'll tell you everything that I am right now."

He can feel his shoulders begin to slump forward, his eyes misting up.

"I don't want to be alone, Katie. Please?"

Walking around the counter to him, Katie pauses for a moment as if unsure of what to say to him. She takes off her glasses for a moment, wiping the lenses against her hoodie, before putting them back on.

"Okay, Tony. If they want to cart you off to an asylum somewhere, they'll have to go through me first."

Wordlessly, Tony leaves his seat and throws his arms around her for the second time that night, listening to her heart hammer in her chest.

It's going to be a long day tomorrow.