Forgotten consequences…

I stare at my computer. Okay. Okay, okay, okay. I can do this. I just need to actually follow through on this whole YouTube idea. I’ve got a video that did shockingly well for some reason, but one video means nothing. Worse, making a channel work typically means establishing some kind of theme to work around. And now that I have a video, whatever comes next needs to seem like a natural progression from it… but I have nothing. I still don’t understand how Carcin is able to obliterate anything he can fit into his claws, or why I can see red sparks from them when he does. The natural progression of introducing a mystery in a video, is to solve the mystery. Or I can find more mysteries, but I don’t have anymore. Or I can talk about crabs, but I also only have the one crab… so yeah, I have no idea how to continue with this.

I bang my head in frustration against the desk, barely avoiding the keyboard. I need a break. I head outside after grabbing a plastic food container. I… haven’t actually felt comfortable going outside in a while. It was honestly starting to feel like the inside of Sasha’s house was the whole world. I take a deep breath of fresh air. The morning still feels a little damp, in a cool refreshing way. No neighbors should be able to see me through any of the woods that surround the house, and it’s the back yard so being seen from the street shouldn’t be a problem. Even on the off chance I am seen, by now things have calmed down a bit. Sure, some political discussions are still scary, but no one should panic and attack me on sight anymore… I don’t think. The backyard is pretty big, surrounded by woods on all sides. I kind of wish we had a fence all around the yard, but it shouldn’t matter.

One nice thing about the wooded nature of my surroundings is I still remember where all the edible fruit bearing bushes are. Granted, they are all wild bushes we don’t actually take care of, but the small patch of wild raspberries is still fun to occasionally go out and pick. Ooh, maybe I can get enough to surprise Sasha and Mark with a fresh bowl to go with dinner. Maybe mix it in with vanilla ice cream or something… I’ll figure out the details once I know how much raspberry I end up with.

I get closer to the forest line… damn, those trees are tall. And the bushes are tall. Everything is so big. I have noticed this before, obviously, but I’ve been spending so much time inside that I’ve largely gotten used to the dissonance of having to climb up onto furniture I used to think were too small for me. There is even something kind of comforting now being able to cuddle with Sasha in ways I never could have before. But the outside world I’ve managed to mostly avoid. I gulp nervously… then shake my head. I’m being silly. It’s the woods right around the house. I’ve been here countless times. The most threatening thing I’ve seen here is a particularly large owl one time… I think I’m still too big to be owl food… hopefully.

I head into the woods, only about ten of my short steps, to find the berry patch. Yep, it’s still here and actively bearing fruit. Perfect. I begin collecting all I can, filling my container. The bushes are short and have thorns, but my new size makes it easy to navigate through them without getting scratched or having to bend down as much. It might just be my imagination, but the patch seems to have grown since I looked at it last year, and I definitely have plenty of them. I could make jam, or jelly, or… other things. I’m sure there’s lots of things that can be made with them.

Unfortunately it’s getting a little late in the day, and the mosquitoes are starting to get extra hungry. I slap another away, scowling at the little blood suckers.

“Melody?!!!” Sasha must be home! Though she sounds panicked… I hurry and put on the lid to my container and head back to the house. “Melody?! Where are you?!” I open the back door to head inside, but before I can even get a step inside I’m lifted up into Sasha’s arms and squeezed tightly in a brutal hug. “Oh, thank goodness. When you weren’t here I, well I got worried.”

“Ouch, yeah, I can tell…” Sasha puts me down with a sheepish smile, which I respond to with a frown.

I don't know why, but right now her concern feels… patronizing. I mean, yeah, I’m small and **** right now, especially compared to how I was before, but I literally just happened to be in the backyard when she came home as opposed to greeting her at the door. It’s not a big deal, not worth panicking within less than a minute of returning home.

Sasha seems to sense that I’m not in the best of moods, and tries to change the subject, “so, any luck with your video ideas?” I frown more, less happy than before.

“No… I don’t know what to do…” I put my container full of raspberries on the table and stare down at the floor in embarrassment, filled with endless shame that I can’t seem to do anything.

“You know, If it’s really bothering you, you could use some of your insurance money to help. Either helping with some of the bills or at least buying your own food. We don’t really need the help, but if it makes you feel better…”

“…”

“…”

“Inthurance money?” I tilt my head to properly convey my confusion. I… probably shouldn’t sound so confused. I mean, I know what insurance is. And I know mom and dad had insurance for things…

Sasha looks at me with rapidly growing concern. “You… did get in contact with the insurance company, right? I assume your parents had life insurance, and they definitely had home insurance.”

“…” The silence stretches on until it becomes unbearable even for me, “I… didn’t think about that…” my face is on fire with humiliation. I swear I’m an adult!

“Well, didn’t anyone contact you? The insurance company? Your parent’s lawyer?” I can tell even Sasha’s normally endless supply of patience with me is being strained, albeit only because it’s running up against her concern for me.

“Um… I don’t think tho? But… I wouldn’t have been… eathy to find… and I don’t anthwer callth from unknown numberth… or emailth…” yeah, I’m not even trying to fix the lisp right now. I’m pretty sure we both know I screwed up. I stare down at my feet in embarrassment.

And suddenly I’m in the air. Sasha picks me up and hugs me again, this time gentler, “It’s okay. Let’s just make sure you don't get screwed out of what your parents left you.” And her loving tone is back. I really don’t deserve her.

Sasha carries me to the guest room computer I’ve been working on, and she start to dig through my old emails while I do the same for old phone calls and texts on my phone, starting from the date of the fire to today.

It doesn’t take long before Sasha finds something, “Johnson & Chambers? I know that law firm, its offices aren’t too far away from ours. They’ve left you dozens of emails…”

Aargh! I know I’m a failure! Stop rubbing it in! “I… I’m sorry…” my stupid eyes get watery. Damnit. Why do I suck so much?!

Sasha pulls me closer to her, once more doing her best to comfort me… which I really shouldn’t need so much of in such a short period of time. I’m the worst. But I still have some vestigial pride and have one last trick to salvage my honor, changing the subject!

I sniff louder than intended and continue, “where’s Mark? Shouldn’t he be home?”

“He decided to go to the gym after work. He should be along in another hour or so. Now, I’ll give the insurance company a call tonight, and see if I can’t get that sorted out. And we can go to your parents lawyers tomorrow to work out everything on the estate side of things. They should be able to help with the home insurance, but I don’t think they will be needed for the life insurance since you should just be the beneficiary. All we have to do is… prove your identity.”

Oh fuck.