First thing's first: get a 'Peach'-ier roommate

Wario's evil laugh was interrupted by an egg hitting him on the forehead. As it was empty, the projectile was mostly harmless, but even minor annoyances were considered an insult to Wario. He gave a **** glare at the dinosaur, who merely glared back at him before curling back up into a ball and falling asleep.

Wario growled in frustration. He had plenty of time to get **** on the fighters that beat him. First, it was time he got the roommate he deserved. It'd be a good test of the remote's power, and more importantly whether it even worked at all. He pointed the remote at Yoshi and registered him as the first target to be swapped, a process which luckily didn't involve any obvious lasers or futuristic scanners, merely a confirmation on the remote's view-screen. Satisfied, Wario walked out of the room and left the dinosaur to its nap, hopefully for the last time.

Wario had a lot of potential new roomies to choose from, but he knew who it had to be even before he was halfway down the hall: Princess Peach. Not only was she cute, but she was also the sorta-girlfriend of his archrival Mario. One of the few things Wario's life lacked was a princess of his own, and the fact that Mario of all people sometimes got kisses and cake from one absolutely infuriated him. Making Peach sleep in his room in a Yoshi nest like a glorified pet would really stick it to that Italian plumber. Plus he had seen Peach in sports gear before: the girl had a nice tight body. Getting to see her completely naked... well, that'd be the very delicious cherry on top of the **** sundae.

And as if this wasn't already an amazing idea, Wario knew exactly where to find her at the moment. With a sinister chuckle, he hurried down the hall to the Princess' room.

"More tea, Zelda?" Peach asked, preemptively picking up the teapot.

The Hylian princess gave her a small nod and held out her cup for Peach to refill. When she finished doing so, Zelda said, "Thank you."

"You're welcome!" Peach chirped. Yet again, her weekly Princess Tea Party was going swimmingly. Everyone might ultimately be here to fight one another, but that didn't mean they couldn't be friends. And as she quickly discovered, the other princesses enjoyed the chance to relax and talk to one another just as much as she did.

Of course, half of the attendees were people she saw on a regular basis anyway. There was her best friend and roommate Daisy, and Rosalina, who regularly participated in all the parties and sporting events Mario liked to organize. The third was Zelda, who was a friend she only really got to see at these tournaments. And their club's newest member Corrin was odd, but in an endearing sort of way... even if she was a bigger eater than she was used to seeing from a princess.

"Jeez Corrin, how about you save some cake for the rest of us?" Daisy asked playfully as the white-haired girl started cutting off another slice.

"Oh, um, sorry," Corrin said sheepishly, sitting back down with a blush.

"Daisy, don't be rude. There's still plenty for everyone," Peach chided, before smiling at the nervous girl and gently telling her, "Go ahead, it's okay. Take as much as you want."

Corrin smiled back and plated up her cake, grabbing some more cookies as well, "I'm glad you're all so patient with me. Until now the only tea parties I've been to were thrown by my sisters, and they aren't exactly as refined as any of you girls."

"We understand," Rosalina said, petting the cooing Luma sitting in her lap, "Different worlds have different ways of doing things. Don't ever feel like you have to put on airs for us."

"If it makes you feel any better, you're acclimating to this much quicker than I did," Zelda said, "It took me weeks before I was even comfortable talking to anyone."

"Oh yeah, I remember that!" Daisy said with a laugh, "I straight up thought you were a mute for the longest time. Nearly gave me a heart attack when you finally started talking to me."

"I think that was the only time I've ever seen you with your mouth closed for longer than a few seconds," Zelda said with a wry smirk.

All the princesses, including Daisy, laughed at this, which masked the sound of the door slowly creaking open for an uninvited spy.

As the laughter died down, Peach looked towards the sixth, empty chair at the table with a frown, "I just wish your friend Lucina would give us a chance too."

"We're not really friends," Corrin clarified, popping a cookie into her mouth, "In fact, she's from an entirely different Outrealm than me. Or timeline. Or... both? Honestly, it's pretty confusing, but the point is that I know her about as well as you all do."

"Don't take it so personally, Peach," Daisy said, "Lucina doesn't really seem like the tea-drinking type of princess."

Peach wasn't so sure about that. Sure the young blue-haired princess was more practically minded than most, politely but firmly shooting down every offer to join their tea party, but there always seemed to be some hint of nervous **** in her facial expression whenever she did so. Peach knew the girl had a rougher life than most, what with coming from a dark future and all, and wondered if perhaps she was afraid someone might see her doing something as frivolous as going to a tea party, or worse, afraid she might embarrass herself in front of the other princesses if she did. Peach thought about asking her about it, but wasn't yet sure what would be the most tactful way to broach the subject. Perhaps Corrin could come with her and act as-

Peach woke up with a start. At first she was a bit disoriented, unsure of where she was, but after a brief look around recognized the familiar clutter, and smell, of her dorm room.

With a yawn and a stretch she stood up, stepping out of her nest and brushing stray pieces of straw off of her pink nightie. She just had the weirdest dream; she was at a tea party with a bunch of the princesses that were participating in the Smash tournament... no, she was hosting it. Which was odd, because she never hosted a tea party in her life, nor did she ever want to. It wasn't like she was a princess or anything.

Seeing that her roommate appeared to be gone for the moment, Peach slipped her nightie over her head and dropped it on the floor, then picked up the various pieces of her outfit from around her nest and began getting dressed. She still didn't feel entirely comfortable sharing a dorm room with a man, especially one as inconsiderate and lecherous as Wario, but ultimately it was the Hands' decision. And to be fair, it wasn't like Wario ever perved on her while she was changing or anything. In fact, he seemed more annoyed that he had to share a room with her at all. It's not like she could entirely blame him, either; he probably felt insulted that he had to share a room with a beast like her, even if her body did look identical to that of a human woman.

Well, almost identical. Almost to remind herself of her true nature, she let her tongue fully extend out of her mouth. It still looked like human tongue, but it was both stronger and far longer, able to reach all the way down to her toes with minimal effort. And her saliva was far stickier than a human's, allowing her to use her tongue to grab objects, and people, and bring them into her mouth. Since it was out already, she used it to grab her crown off the floor, placing it on her head before retracting the appendage back into her mouth.

She finished getting dressed and checked herself in the mirror, doing her best to smooth out the numerous wrinkles her pink dress had from laying on the floor and comb down her bedhead. It was funny: she had never noticed it before, but upon seeing her reflection she really did look like a perfect little princess. Perhaps that had something to do with why she had that odd dream. As much as she loved this outfit, perhaps she should wear something more appropriate for her status. Then again, it wasn't like anyone ever mistook her for anything other than a dinosaur. And that was the way she liked it: being a princess seemed like it involved a lot of work and worrying. All she wanted to do was eat and occasionally give her friend Mario a ride on her back. Speaking of eating...

Her stomach growled loudly, and Peach patted her stomach. It was about time for her after-nap snack. She idly looked around the room once more on the off-chance there was anything to eat lying around, but she saw nothing appetizing. She shrugged and went to leave, intending to go down to the cafeteria and stuff herself at the fruit buffet, and on the way out very nearly ran into her returning roommate.

"Oh, Wario!" Peach exclaimed, "I'm so sorry, I was just about to... are you okay?"

"Yes... I'm... I'm okay..." Wario gasped, hands on his knees as he caught his breath. He looked like he had ran here from wherever he was last, much faster than his bulk could take, and his clothes were drenched in sweat. Peach couldn't help but wonder what kind of trouble he had gotten himself into this time, but even if she was blunt enough to ask she knew he wouldn't give an honest answer.

"Okay... well, I'm going to get some food now," Peach said awkwardly, sidestepping around the panting man and doing her best not to breathe in the stink of his sweat too much, "I'll... I'll see you later, Wario."

Wario's head snapped up, as if he suddenly remember something, and shouted, "Wait, Peach! You're my roommate now, right?"

Peach blinked at the odd question, "Um... yes, I'm your roommate. Just like I've been since we got here. Are you sure you're okay?"

"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine," Wario said, trying and failing to hide a mischievous snicker. He then looked her over and frowned, "Wait, why are you still in that dress?"

Peach looked down at her dress in confusion, "What are you talking about? I always wear this dress."

"But shouldn't you be naked?" Wario asked.

Peach gasped, "Wario! Just because I'm a dinosaur doesn't mean I'm a nudist! How could you even say such a thing."

"Sorry, sorry..." Wario said with a frown.

Peach knew the apology was insincere. But she was too hungry to deal with his antics right now, so she let it slide this time. Besides, he seemed to be ignoring her now in favor of fiddling with that strange device he got in the mail earlier.

Peach began walking down the hall, hoping that she'd have the cafeteria to herself. Suddenly she felt a draft hit her skin, causing her to shiver slightly. She looked down at herself, just in time to catch her pink nipples getting hard in the open air.

She cupped her modestly sized breasts with one hand, and idly scratched the blonde bush above her vagina with the other. For a brief moment she felt like she should be wearing more clothing than just a pair of heavy orange shoes. But that was ridiculous, why would she wear anything more? It must have been the lingering memory of her dream, where she wore a frilly pink dress like Princess Yoshi, that made her think she should be in a similar dress. Though the dream felt so real... she could even still taste the cake.

Peach licked her lips. Now she was hungry for cake... maybe that was the source of her strange dream. She decided to stop by Yoshi and Daisy's room on the way to the cafeteria. They should still be having that tea party of theirs, and while she knew there was no way they would let her in, maybe if she batted her eyelashes and looked cute enough, one of the princesses would give her some of that cake.

And if they didn't, and she had a clear enough shot, she could always try to pull a snatch and grab with her tongue. She excitedly made her way down the hall, quickly forgetting everything else except the taste of impending sweets.

Wario watched Peach's bare butt bouncing away from him, his jaw agape. He never thought the day would come when he would get to see that luscious booty, but there it went, the soft flesh exposed for all to see! Sure it took a bit of finagling and an extra swap to get the results he wanted, but in the end it turned out better than he could have ever imagined!

Peach still seemed to be mostly herself personality-wise, at least in the brief conversation he had with her. But now she believed that she was always Wario's roommate, and that she was some kind of dinosaur, despite that obviously not being true in the slightest. Peeking into their room, Wario didn't see anything different from how it usually was. If he hadn't seen Peach walking out of it with his own eyes, he wouldn't have believed she ever could live in such a place. For all intents and purposes, she believed she was a Yoshi.

She and everyone else, Wario thought to himself with a grin. If this remote worked the way he thought it did, no one else would see anything out of place, not even that stupid plumber. He'd be kissing a scaly green lizard in a dress, while riding his naked former girlfriend around like a beast of burden, and no one but Wario would be in on the joke! And best of all, no one would find it weird that Peach walked around naked either, meaning that Wario would get to see a naked woman every night as he was going to sleep. This remote was the greatest thing to ever happen to him!

Of course, this was only the beginning.