Finding Esther

Over the next few weeks you saw less and less of Esther. In spite of yourself, you were getting a little worried. You'd agreed that it was okay to not talk every day or even week and that you'd keep it purely sexual and platonic, but not hearing from her for multiple weeks was worrying, especially so after she didn't reply to your messages, which she usually did in a few hours.

So you went over to her apartment, a decent place in the centre of town that she'd bought with the inheritance after her mother had died. You remembered the story of her dad dying of a hereditary disease and for some reason the thought made you very nervous, so you drove a little faster. After parking the car twenty minute later you went up the stairs after a helpful older woman who thought you were Esther's boyfriend let you in. Once on her floor you used your key to get inside. There you were faced with a sight you'd feared but never actually expected. On the floor lay Esther, wearing her pyjamas. You ran towards her and sat down on your knees, fumbling for your phone as you checked on her. She was breathing, but her heartbeat was incredibly slow and she was so pale, even for a normally pale woman.

"Esther" you said, trying to get a reaction from her. Nothing but a soft moan came from her lips. By then you'd gotten your phone out and dialled the emergency number. You quickly explained where you were and what was going on and then remained on the line, doing what the man on the phone told you while he sent an ambulance to Esther's apartment.

You buzzed the paramedics in and stood back as they worked on Esther, hooking her up to all kinds of device.

"Are you her boyfriend?" the male paramedic asked as he put a blood pressure cuff on Esther's arm.

"A friend" you told him.

"How long has she been like this?" he asked.

"I don't know. We hadn't spoken in a while and when she didn't reply again this morning I got worried, especially because she lost her dad a few years ago" you said.

"To what?" he asked, fixing you with a look.

"I don't know. Something hereditary" you said.

"Do you have any idea what?" he pressed even as he took Esther's pulse while his colleague put some electronic leads on Esther's chest.

"I'd have to check" you said.

"Do so" he said. "Murphy, you ready?" he asked his colleague.

"Yep" she said. Together the paramedics lifted Esther on their gurney. The man returned his attention to you again.

"We could probably find her records but is there any family we can ask what she has? It might be relevant."

"Nobody" you said, "she's alone. But I know she told me over text somewhere. I'll try to find out."

"Alright" the man said. "Let's go" he told his colleague. Then, to you again, he told you where they'd be taking her. And then, he added: "And you might want to bring some things of hers. You know, clothes, slippers, some things reminding her of home."

"Thanks" you said. You then watched Esther get wheeled out of her apartment and you felt horrible, afraid that this was the last time in her own home and she hadn't even been awake the last time she saw it. Just then Esther's phone rang, startling you. When you walked over to find it and did, you saw it was Noelle.

"Esther! Where have you been?" she asked.

"Noelle, it's me, John" you told her.

"John? Why are you picking up Esther's phone?" she wanted to know.

"Noelle...I just had to call an ambulance" you said, the harsh reality of the situation sinking in now that Esther was on her way to the hospital. "I got worried after not hearing from her for a while and went to see her. I found her on the floor and called an ambulance."

"Oh my God! Which hospital are they taking her to?" she asked, her voice quavering. You told her then added:

"It'll be okay, Noelle."

"How the fuck would you know? You're not a doctor!" she snapped at you then hung up. You stared at the phone for a few seconds then put it on the nearby bed table. You couldn't really be mad at Esther, as you knew Esther was close to Noelle. You decided to do something. As you went through Esther's place to gather up some stuff like the paramedic had said you knocked over one of those digital picture frames. You picked it up, then started the playback of pictures by accident. You saw Esther with her mom, one with a man you thought was her dad, one with both of them, and a few others with what you thought was more family.

Then there was a few pictures of her with Noelle, the two of them having fun together. You were surprised when you saw there was one of you, taken when you hadn't been looking, apparently. A smile came to your face. It seemed you meant more to Esther than she let on. You stopped the automatic playback and put it back to the picture it had started on, then turned it off. Realising you needed something to put her stuff in, you looked for a bag. Once you found one you put all of her stuff in there. First a layer of clothes like her bathrobe and pyjamas, which you hadn't even known she had as you only ever saw her naked in bed, then the tablet she used for streaming movies, the digital picture frame, which you followed up with socks, underwear, some other clothes she might need, mostly just comfy clothes. Thanks to you growing up with women as your only housemates, you knew exactly what to bring in terms of female hygiene. After you'd loaded up her bag, went back to Esther's phone and opened it with her code that you'd seen her enter many times.

'I'm bringing some of her stuff' you sent Noelle. Even though she didn't reply, you saw she'd read your message. Well, hopefully she'd more civil later, though you couldn't hold it against her. Esther was her friend too, after all. With that out of the way you closed her bag, pocketed her phone, then went outside to your car.

When you got to the hospital you asked for Esther and were told that she'd been brought up to the intensive care unit. That gave you quite a scare. Because you weren't family you couldn't go into her room, even though you explained that Esther had no family, but no, they were adamant. This made you angry, but there was nothing you could do about it. By the time you reached her room, you sat down next to Noelle, who had settled on one of the chairs across the door to Esther's room.

"How is she?" you asked.

"Shut up" Noelle said.

"I don't understand why you're angry at me" you said. "I'm the one who called an ambulance."

"Just...shut up" she said, staring straight ahead at the door, as if doing so would make Esther get well. "Shut up, okay?"

"Alright.." you said. "You should probably have this" you said, giving Noelle your friend's phone. You didn't really know what made you do so, but it felt like the right thing to do. She looked at you, frowned at the phone in your hand, then took it.

"Fine" she said as she did so. Understanding that this was about the most you were going to get out of her, so you settled into the chair, trying to get comfortable, and waited.

"Are you family?" a nurse asked.

"Friends" Noelle said, pointedly looking at you. Just what was her problem?

"Does she have any family?" the nurse wanted to know.

"None" Noelle answered. "Just me."

"Us" you said, annoyed.

"Whatever" Noelle told you, then to the nurse: "What is wrong with her?"

"Is it that hereditary disease her dad died of?" you blurted out.

"She's not going to die!" Noelle exclaimed. If looks could kill you'd have been downstairs in the morgue at that point.

"I didn't say that" you told her.

"We don't know" the nurse said, ignoring your interaction with Noelle. "All we know is that she's stable right now."

"Can I talk to her?" Noelle asked.

"She's asleep and she needs her rest, so not right now" the nurse explained. "We ran some tests and we're waiting for results to come in."

"Does anybody have any inkling as to what it could be?" you asked.

"I can't answer that" the nurse said.

"I understand" you said, nodding.

"Who can?" Noelle asked. "And will they even tell me? I mean, I'm not family. She has nobody else." You frowned, wanting to point out that you cared about Esther and that she wasn't alone, but saying so would probably just anger Noelle, so you kept quiet.

It was another day in the hospital, sitting by Esther's bed, when you got thirsty. You got up and, after giving Esther a look to see if she was doing okay, headed out the room. When you went back into her room after getting a drink, you saw Esther had a visitor. It was Noelle.

"John" Noelle said, with that neutral tone of hers that you'd come to expect of her.

"Hi Noelle" you said. You were about to walk over to your chair when Noelle stopped you.

"We need to talk" she said.

"What about?" you asked. The blonde remained quiet for a moment, then took a deep breath.

"I fucking hate you" Noelle said.

"What? Why?" you asked, hurt as your friend told you this.

"Because I don't want to feel like this!" she told you.

"Like what?" you asked, as confused as you were hurt.

"I'm gay! I'm not supposed to be feeling like this!" Noelle said, tears in her eyes. She slapped your shoulder. "And I'm not supposed to be falling in love with my friend with benefit's friend with benefits over her sickbed!"

"Noelle, calm down" you said, gripping her shoulders. "What is wrong?"

"I'm falling in love with you! And I don't want to! I can't be! I'm gay!" Noelle said.

"What's .. what?" you said, unable to even say anything coherent.

"Esther's probably going to die and here I am, trying to wrap my head around why I'm falling in love with a guy! I'm not even into guys!" she said.

"First of all, Esther's not going to die. She's going to be okay, you'll see. Second of all, time and place. We can talk about this, but not in the hospital, okay?" you said.

"And this! You're always so perfect! You always know what just to say! You've got women throwing themselves at you! Why can't you have any fucking flaws?" Noelle said, almost screaming. "I fucking hate you, John!" She pounded your chest with her fists and started crying. "I'm scared I'm gonna lose my best friend and what do I do? I start falling a love with a guy!"

You put your arms around her, unable to speak; you were completely dumbfounded. You knew she was hurting and she was lashing out, but she was still hurting you, too. Over the past two months you'd grown closer to her, bonding with her over your fear of losing Esther, and so you'd come to think of her as a friend.

"I hate you so much!" Noelle said, looking up at you. Then in a twist you'd never have seen coming in a million years, she took your face between her hands and kissed you on the lips. "I fucking hate you. I hate you so much" she whispered, kissing you again. "I hate you and I'm in love with you. Fuck you, John." You had no words for this emotional rollercoaster Noelle was on, let alone for the fact that she'd confessed that she'd fallen in love with you. When you didn't say anything, Noelle looked up at you. "John?" she whispered. "Oh...oh no. I'm so sorry" she said.

"It's okay" you told her.

"No...it's not" Noelle replied. She remained quiet for a few seconds then took a quavering breath. "I fell in love with you even though I'm gay! I've never even touched a cock! And I'm just blurting it out because I'm scared of losing both of you!"

"Both of us? What do you mean?" you asked.

"Esther's probably going to die just like her dad did and when she dies I'm never going to see you again" the blonde told you.

"Why do you think that?" you asked after that.

"You don't even like me! You're just being polite! I know that you see me as competition" Noelle said. She looked up at you, a pleading look in her eyes. It was as if she was hoping for you to say she was wrong. You did, not even because you wanted to comfort her. You had come to like her and had bonded with her over your shared concern for Esther.

"I don't" you told Noelle. You took her hands and squeezed them. "I like you just fine. You obviously care for Esther and I can't fault you for that in the least. You're worried for her. I get that."

"You're too fucking perfect" Noelle whispered. "So understanding..so caring." She bit her lip and looked away. "If you were a woman, you would've been perfect for me. But you're not."

"No" you said, amused but doing your best not to show it on your face.

"But you're still wonderful" Noelle said, returning her gaze to you. "I fell in love with you even though you're a guy. You're not even effeminate."

"Has it occurred to you that you might just be bisexual?" you asked.

"I can't be! You have no idea how people would act!" Noelle said. "That's why it so bad!"

"I don't get it" you said.

"Urgh!" the blonde exclaimed in exasperation. "I can't be bi because my friends are very much man-hating lesbians."

"So that's why you don't want to be in love with me?" you asked. "Well...if it makes you feel any better, I do like you but I'm not in love with you" you offered.

"That doesn't make me feel any better! I want you to be in love with me too!" Noelle said. "I'm fucking obsessed with you and I hate it! I hate you!"

"Noelle, calm down" you said. "You're going to upset Esther."

As if saying her name again had woken her up, the redhead groaned softly.

"Esther" you whispered, letting go of Noelle and turning to look at your friend.

"Hi" she whispered. When Noelle joined you at the side of Esther's bed, the redhead smiled. "You look good together" she said.

"You heard us?" you asked. Esther just nodded, her energy clearly low, even a few words draining her.

"Oh, Esther, I'm so sorry" Noelle said. "I didn't mean to.."

"It's okay" the redhead whispered. "You're right. I'm not going to make it."

"Don't say that" you said, taking her hand. "You're going to pull through."

"You know I'm not" Esther said. "But it's okay. You two are going to be good together."

"Esther.." Noelle whispered. "I don't.."

"Hush, No" Esther said. "Just give him some time. He'll come around." For a brief moment her old spunk resurfaced. "You should've heard him after he met you."

"Not now, Esther" you said.

"Now is as good a time as any" your friend said. "He was very interested in you, No."

"Really?" Noelle asked, clearly not believing what Esther was saying.

"Really" Esther said, smiling. "You two should just try it. Do it as a favour to me, okay? I know I won't see your babies, but please, give it a try." She closed her eyes and sighed.

"Esther?" Noelle asked.

"Tired.." your friend whispered. She opened her eyes again and smiled. "Try being together, okay?" She closed her eyes again, the smile still on her face when she drifted off.