Goodbye and coping

"Dearly beloved, today we say goodbye to our dear friend, Esther Moran" the woman leading the service spoke. Even now, about a week after she'd passed away, it still seemed unreal. You'd been there pretty much the entire time, from the time where she'd been brought to the hospital to the point where she'd left it for the last time. The young woman who'd seemed so full of life and love for everything and everyone was gone and you felt something was missing.

"Esther was the kind of person who would light up any room she walked into. It's a tired cliché, but with Esther it was almost literally true. I felt it when I first met her after her father passed away and I felt it in the times I talked to her since. All her friends said the same: that Esther brought joy to everyone she met." You nodded in agreement, feeling very much the same. When you looked to your side, you saw Noelle was smiling sadly. Just like you, she had found herself similarly touched by Esther. Her hand was holding yours, trembling slightly. Your eyes met and she gave you a look you had difficulty interpreting, but before you had the chance to think about it more, Noelle got up; it was her turn to speak.

"I can't believe she's gone" Tamsin said. After laying Esther to rest, five of you had decided to get together and get a drink to celebrate Esther. You weren't even surprised to learn that every last one of the women you had gotten to know after Esther had passed had been a friend with benefit, though you were the only guy. That meant you were probably special to her and that realisation made you feel both good and bad at the same time.

"I know" Willow said, a petite but curvy blonde said.

"Here's to Esther" Isobel said, a busty Latina said, raising her cocktail.

"To Esther" you agreed, raising your own glass before taking a sip. Just then Noelle returned from the toilet. She'd been crying. "You okay?" you asked.

"I'm fine" she lied.

"It's okay, No" Willow told her friend. "We're sad too."

"Yeah" Isobel agreed. "I'm going to miss her." Noelle let out a soft sob and before long she was crying again. You stood up and hugged the crying blonde, holding her close.

"It's not fair!" Noelle said between shaking breaths.

"It's not" you agreed, letting her cry against your chest. It was all you could do to not cry yourself. You did miss Esther. If you had to be honest with yourself, you knew you'd been at least a little in love with her. Now, though, you would never get the chance to find out if you might have been something more to Esther. You sighed and stroked Noelle's back as she let out her sadness again. When she was done she took a shuddering breath and put her head on your shoulder. Still holding her close, you stroked her back, hoping that you could help her in some way.

"Come on, No" Isobel said. "Come drink with us. Esther wouldn't want us to be sad. She'd want us to be happy that we knew her."

"Alright, alright" Noelle said. She gave you an inscrutable look then took a glass of wine offered to her by Tamsin. As the evening progressed, you all got tipsy and both Tamsin and Willow got drunk. Isobel decided at some point that they had had enough to drink and shepherded the other girls home. You went outside not much later, deciding that Noelle shouldn't go home alone.

"So.." you said.

"So" Noelle replied. The two of you walked down the street, holding hands. You didn't even remember when that had happened but you decided to just go with it. You could use the closeness, the touch, the feel of another human being.

"Are you feeling better?" you asked her.

"I'm a little buzzed. I still miss her, but I can cope" Noelle said. "But I really don't want to be alone tonight. Will you stay over?"

"Alright" you said, nodding.

"Thank you" Noelle said.

When you were back at Noelle's apartment she decided the two of you needed to drink some more. You were given **** in the matter and she gave you a tall glass of cold cider.

"Drink" she said. "I want to get drunk with you."

"Didn't we already?" you asked, still feeling the effects of the drinks at the pub.

"Not drunk drunk. We got buzzed, but I just want to forget today, at least for a while" Noelle told you. "So drink up." And drink you did. Before long you'd finished two glasses of cider, the buzz from before having returned all too quickly. Noelle laughed when she spilled her cider on your pants at some point.

"Hey" you said, smiling. "You're laughing."

"Maybe I just enjoy seeing you in discomfort" Noelle said, giggling.

"Oh, you're one of those people? What do they call it again?" you asked.

"Which people?" the blonde asked, still giggling.

"The people who enjoy seeing others being uncomfortable" you said, "that's them."

"Germans?" Noelle asked.

"How did you get to Germans?" you asked with a laugh.

"It's a German word" she said, slapping at your shoulder playfully, spilling more cider on you.

"Dammit, stop it!" you said, still laughing. Before long the two of you are in a full-blown hysterical laughing fit, the emotions of the entire day finally falling off your shoulders. In the end, Noelle ended up in your arms, giggling still as she rest her head on your shoulder.

"Thank you" she said, "I needed that."

"You're welcome" you said, "but please stop getting my pants wet."

"Well, just take them off then" Noelle told you, grinning now.

"Noelle, do you want to see me naked?" you asked.

"Hey, you know I'm gay" she replied.

"Are you?" you asked.

"Oh because of what I said in the hospital?" she said. You just nodded, remaining quiet to see what she would say. "Well, I meant it, okay? But can't I just be attracted to you without being romantically attracted? Like...I like girls." Again, you nodded. "Why aren't you saying anything? Are you doing that thing where people say nothing in the hope that the other guy'll start rambling and saying more than he would have done otherwise? Because I'll tell you one thing, John. I am not going to ramble and I am not going to let you get in my head. Your mind games won't work on me. Even though I'm really attracted to you and I'm still trying to figure out if it's sexual or romantic or if I just really like your character. Because you are a great guy. You really came through for Esther and you were super kind to me even though I was a total bitch to you. And now you're here with me because you're so caring that you want to look after me after all that."

"And you're not rambling" you added.

"No, I'm not" Noelle said. "I'm being quiet and contemplating. I'm trying to wrap my head around my sexuality that I thought I had figured out. I mean, I love clam, okay? I enjoy eating pussy. I love playing with big firm tits. It's why I was attracted to Esther in the first place. Of course that was before I figured out how much fun she was to hang out with. But you...God, you're such a fucking...Argh!" she exclaimed.

"I'm such a fucking what?" you asked.

"I don't know!" Noelle told you, frustrated at her inability to put into words what she was feeling. "You're great! You're a great guy and I don't know if I like you or not because you're just nice, or if I'm attracted to you in spite of the fact that I've known I'm gay since before I even hit puberty or if I like you because you cared for Esther the way you did. I just don't know and I hate it!"

"And you're still not rambling" you helpfully added.

"No! I'm not!" she repeated. "Urgh!" she exclaimed again, throwing her hands up in the air in exasperation. She'd forgotten she'd been holding a glass of cider, so more of it went flying. This time every last remaining drop ended up on your head. Unable to keep herself from laughing, she burst out in giggles as she saw your head get soaked. "I'm so sorry!" she said between fits of laughter.

"Oh, very funny" you said, dripping with the stuff. "Now I'm going to have to take a shower."

"Can I watch?" Noelle asked.

"What?!" you exclaimed.

"I just wanna see. It's not weird. I'm gay, remember?" she pointed out.

"Just show me where your shower is" you told her.

"Okay, but I'm still going to watch" she told you.

Noelle did show you where her shower was. She'd gotten a new glass of cider and was sitting on the counter top, watching you with a big grin on her face. You started by taking your shirt off.

"Huh" she said when she saw your upper body revealed.

"What?" you asked.

"Turns out abs are hot on men and women. I didn't think they'd be" she said.

"Of course they are" you said, looking for a place to put your shirt.

"Give it here" Noelle said, taking it when you offered it to her. She folded it as carefully and meticulously as woman drunk could, which was obviously not well at all.

"Why are you folding it? It needs to be cleaned" you said, frowning.

"Shut up" she replied. "I knew that. Just keep going."

"Am I doing a striptease now? At least put on some music" you said.

"Just get naked! I want to see what women think is a hot man. I mean, in person" Noelle said.

"Imagine if I did that to you. Or any women" you said, frowning.

"Shut up! We're drunk! We get to do and say stupid things" Noelle said. "Get those pants off, boy!"

"You'll be hearing from my lawyer" you said. "But I do need a shower." You got your socks off then got your pants off. Now standing only in your shorts, you looked at Noelle. "Happy now?"

"Hell no. Get it all off. I want to see what Esther was wild about" she said.

"You talked about me?" you asked.

"Of course" she said. "Girls talk about guys all the time. Even if I wasn't interested, Esther would tell me sometimes. And I have to be honest, I got intrigued."

"By what?" you asked.

"Male biology. Your biology" Noelle said, suddenly embarrassed. She blushed and try to hide that by taking a drink of cider.

"She told you how big I am?" you asked, laughing. "And now the lesbian wants to see it?"

"I've never seen one before in real life, okay? I've seen some in porn but not an honest to God actual cock" she said, looking away.

"Fine. You want to see a cock? You get to see one" you said, taking your shorts off.

"Holy fucking shit" Noelle exclaimed. "What the fuck! That's huge! Are you part horse or something?" The blonde's jaw was practically on the floor as she looked at your sex. "That's insane! Are you even hard yet?"

"No" you told her with a grin.

"Show me!" Noelle said, gaping still. "Show me how big you get when you're hard!"

"So much for being gay" you said, giving her a big smirk.

"Shut the fuck up, you jackass" she told you, licking her lips. You were starting to think maybe she wasn't actually entirely gay. "Just make yourself hard."

"Well, I can't just get hard on command. I'm going to need something to work with" you told her.

"Urgh! Fine! The things I get up to for my curiosity...Dammit" she said, taking her top off.

"Holy shit" you said, "those are really nice." As if on cue, your cock started to show signs of life as you saw firm, naked tits and at the same time remembered the kinds of things you'd wanted to try with Noelle the moment you'd seen her first.

"You said it. Holy shit!" Noelle replied as she watched you reach battle strength, your entire rod slowly growing. "Esther wasn't kidding." The pretty blonde bit her lip as she stared at your cock. "Holy shit" she said again, whispering. "All because of me?"

"Yeah" you said. "You're very sexy, Noelle."

"And you really want to fuck me?" she asked.

"Yes" you confirmed.

"I...I don't know if I can" she said. Her nipples were erect like two little erasers capping her firm tits, telling you she was very aroused, just as aroused as you were, but she was also shivering. "It's..." she started, trailing off. "No...She'd want us to be happy."

"Esther?" you asked.

"Yes. She'd want us to be happy. Ah, fuck it. I'm still sad but...we can be sad together, right?" she said, stepping closer to you.

"Yeah.." you said, reaching out to her. She took your hand, gave you a searching look, then stepped closer again until your cock was almost touching her bare stomach. She downed the last of her cider then took a deep breath.

"I'm probably going to regret this in the morning but...please show me how to please a man...Teach me, John."