Figuring it out with Bernie, starting with Gary, Peter, Sonia, Lil, and Ben

"Can we sit back to back?" Bernie asked.

She and Gary were both naked, as was the rule in Joyce Bernstein's house. They settled on top of her bed, back to back. Bernie crossed her legs and Gary sat with his arms wrapped around his raised knees. The summertime warmth seeped into Bernie's room, and their skin contact was warmer. A few loose curls dangling from Bernie's pulled-up hair tickled Gary's shoulders.

"Tell me about that day with Peter. And the day I saw you with Lil," Bernie said. "And tell me anything else about sex in your family."

Gary cleared his throat. After telling the story to Joyce, it was easier to put the words together to tell his girlfriend. As Gary explained how he had gotten started with Peter, and how, in the last two years, their frequent video game hangouts had become, as often as not, sex dates where Gary gave Peter what he wanted, without Gary having to make any decisions or answer any questions.

"You never talked about it?" Bernie asked.

"Well, a little at the beginning," Gary said. "It started as fooling around in the shower. And then Peter wanted to try some stuff, and I was like, okay, I mean, I trust Pete, so whatever. But I never thought of it as anything more than something we did together, you know, you might have a friend that you did something with, and Pete and I were video games and like, dick stuff, I mean we weren't boyfriends or anything like that. Pete had Sandy and I had Sharon and this was just something we did when Pete wanted to."

Bernie laughed out loud. "That's, I mean...you never talked about it with anyone? Barely even with each other?"

"Uh, now that you put it that way?" Gary says. "Peter actually talked to Sandy about it, and she wanted to watch us. And he asked me about it. So one time Sandy came over for video games and when Pete and I were gonna do it, she said to pretend like she wasn't there, and later she said thanks, and that was it, kinda?"

Bernie sighed. Gary felt her lean back into him.

She said, "I need you to be way more up front about sex. It's not like I want to own you, Gary. It's that I want to know where I stand. I want to trust you like Peter trusts you. Like Lil trusts you."

Bernie felt Gary's back tense up.

"Yeah," he said. "I want that too."

"Uh-huh," Bernie said. "So tell me, since you and I started dating, who else have you had sex with? Peter. Lil. Masturbating with my mom. And...?"

Gary took a deep breath and relaxed. "Stuart, the man who owns the Super Surf Van? The night he dropped it off, we smoked together and he went up my butt. I came."

"Condoms?" Bernie said.

"Yeah. Stu always uses them for anal," Gary said. "It was really trippy and floaty, like I was coming, kind of one piece at a time. Anyway."

"Anyway," Bernie said. "Peter. Lil. Mom. Stuart from the surf van."

"Um," Gary said. "This is the one I feel is the worst, kind of. My M.D., Doctor Rubin, he set me up to do chores for his wife Sonia. Doing the lawns, the garden, fixing door hinges and shelf brackets."

"Is this going where I think it's going?" Bernie said. Her voice dropped and she slumped back, leaning harder on Gary.

"Well," Gary said. He sighed. "We did have sex, including anal intercourse. But it turns out that my doc picked me out on purpose as his wife's boy toy."

There was a long silence.

Bernie cleared her throat. "That is not exactly where I thought it was going," she said. She wiggled her butt, shifted her weight, and sat straighter. "So, are you just, well, the boy who can't say no?"

Gary paused.

"Huh. Well, I told Sharon to take a hike," he said.

"How much did it take?" Bernie asked.

"A lot," Gary said. "Pete kind of leaned on me. But he was right. We had a lot of fun together. But it wasn't really worth the bad parts. Especially when she was drunk. One day I dropped her off after she had been yelling at me at one of Stuart's parties. And I'd had enough. I didn't see Stuart again until a few weeks ago. He told me I was the only one I trusted to watch his van while he was away on a trip."

"Okay," Bernie said. "Since we've been dating, then. You've had anal intercourse with Stuart. With your doctor's wife Sonia. With your friend Peter. With your sister Lil. So tell me about you and your family. Sexually. You know about me and my mom, so?"

"Okay," Gary said. "We're not nudists like your mom, but we're not very modest. We've seen each other naked a lot, in the sauna, or showering or changing before and after swimming. And Mom and Dad are very touchy with each other, affectionate, lots of kissing and squeezing, and kind of touchy with me and Lil, you know, hugs and stuff. And if we're on a road trip and like, in a hotel room, Mom and Dad might just go for it after lights out, I mean, not loud, but definitely a bedspring-squeaking fuck. And Lil and I might masturbate, you know, the same way, kind of pretending not to notice. But actual sex? I mean, Lil and I have talked a lot about what was going on with her and Steve, or with me and Sharon. But this was the only time."

Bernie said. "I have a confession of my own. I'm surprised Mom didn't spill it. I have someone I trust, who, well, we've been each other's first time for a bunch of stuff."

"Uh-huh?" Gary said.

Bernie said, "He's never going to be a boyfriend. We can only stand each other for a few days, so we couldn't live together. And he's kind of a close relative. This is my cousin Ben."

"So when you went to visit him at college?" Gary said.

"Yeah," Bernie said. "Maybe Ben and I are a little like you and Peter. This is just something we do. Except with us it's more like we're lab partners. And this time our lab notebook was Your Family Doctor's Guide to Anal Sex."

"Wow," Gary said. "I guess, you know? After what you've told me about your mom's Women's Pleasure circles. It kind of makes sense?"

"I never thought of it that way," Bernie said. "But yes, it was kind of like that. Figuring out what worked. That's what it was about." She laughed. "We were pretty busy on my visit, trying out everything in the book. But after we made it through the lab exercises, we started getting on each other's nerves again, and I ended up taking a long walk the last afternoon just to get some space." She took a deep breath. "I was taking a long walk on campus the day I saw you having anal intercourse with Lil. I stayed and watched until I saw you come. Tell me what that day was like for you."

Bernie listened to Gary's description of that day, about how he had ejaculated prematurely on his first try penetrating Lil's ass, but that Lil had given herself an orgasm. Pretend you're not looking, she'd told him. And then they had tried again and Lil had had a big orgasm with her brother's cock up her ass, and Lil had declared the day a complete success and thanked Gary for being the only one she could have trusted.

Bernie said, "So Lil asked you if you'd had anal sex with me?"

"Yeah," Gary said. "She saw me and Pete, of course, and I'd told her about me and Sharon. Sharon loved anal, like, a lot, and after the way we broke up, I kind of wanted to let her go, you know? Not have that reminder. I mean, I loved anal too, you know, but..."

Bernie laughed. "Butt," she said. "And you still do."

"Yeah," Gary said. "But I was too shy to ask about it. Too ashamed, like your mom said."

"Yeah," Bernie said. She shifted her weight on the bed and came back to rest her warm, naked back against Gary's. "Let go of shame," she said. "Or let go of me."

"I love you better than shame," Gary says. "You're a better date."

"Even when I'm crying on your shoulder?" Bernie asked.

"Every time," Gary said. "I've never broken a date with you, no matter how I'm feeling. No matter how you're feeling. And I've never regretted being with you."

Bernie took a deep breath and let it out.

"You want to turn around and say that to my face?" Bernie said.

Gary slid off the bed and walked round to sit on the edge of the bed in front of his naked, cross-legged girlfriend.

"I've never regretted being with you," Gary said. "Not for a moment."

Bernie looked back at him with a steady gaze. There were tear tracks on her face, nearly dry. She nodded.

"I need a nap," Bernie said. "Will you watch me sleep?" She pointed to a chair.

"Yes," Gary said.

"Kiss first," Bernie said.

Gary gave her a gentle kiss and settled down in the chair to watch his girlfriend sleep.

It had been intense, but quiet. She needed space, but she wanted him to stay. He watched her breathing, slow and deep, as she lay on her side, uncovered, on top of her bed. Such beautiful curves, changing with her slow breaths. The afternoon light slowly shifting over her golden skin. Her curly black hair pulled up on a knot to keep her cool on the summer day. His eyelids fluttered and he drifted into a nap.