Feelings that can’t be stopped… and a confession

My mood was strangely stilted and melancholy as I climbed the stairs to Ashley’s apartment. The day had started out full of happiness, everything I’d done the day before, all those naughty, audacious acts, and all the dopamine released, providing a certain bliss that couldn’t be ignored.

But then… happiness comes at a cost, too.

I’d began to realize it as I dropped off Lisa and Emmy. Wearing all three girls at once had been ecstatic, Ashley’s slimmer body expanding out to fill the more voluptuous form of Emmy, before Emmy’s fun-size height lengthened as she filled Lisa. Experiencing such drastically different female bodies in such a short time frame had been a fascinating rush that had only continued the mornings ecstasy, but soon I couldn’t help my feelings turning more contemplative.

I knew in my heart which skin I really wanted to keep. I knew any one of the three would be wonderful, but last night’s date and everything I’d done with Jimmy had sealed the deal. I’d absolutely loved playing Ashley’s role, wearing her pink silk dress as we played mini-golf and teased each other in the cinema, enjoying such a girly position as Jimmy wrapped his warm varsity jacket around my shoulders. Screaming out in her voice as we made love…

I didn’t know if it was all the female hormones overpowering me, or if it was my own horizons expanding from everything I’d experienced, but I was really, really attracted to Jimmy now. The goofy sincerity in how much he cared about me in Ashley, the way his eyes raked across my naked body with romantic adoration as I rode him, the way he played the role of boyfriend so well while deep down, I loved playing the role of the girlfriend.

Realizing all of this… how much I care about him, and how much I want to keep Ashley, to keep being the girlfriend, to stay wrapped up tight in her gorgeous skin…

I bit down on her lip as I climbed the final few stairs, finding even that tasting the strawberry flavor of her lip gloss as her perfect white teeth indented ever so slightly on her soft lips, gave me a little shudder of pleasure.

I really, really want to keep being her… but I don’t want to lie to Jimmy.

The reason I was so melancholic was because I knew I would need to confess how I felt to Jimmy. It felt strange to be so nervous, confessing feelings of romantic attraction to a boy I’d had sex countless times with yesterday, but I knew just how high the stakes really were, and what this confession would really mean.

Everything we’d done so far, the sex, the cute moments, the kisses… all of it could be explained rationally.

Well, maybe that’s a stretch…

Despite myself, I found a small chuckle escaping my lips at the idea of anything to do with skinwalker powers being rational. But then, there was a rational explanation for it all, to an extent. Everything I’d done as Ashley could be explained as setting things up for my friend, helping him to get the girl of his dreams. Even if it had really been me under her skin, there was that as an excuse.

What we’d done as Emmy and Lisa could be explained along the same lines; after all, what guy wouldn’t take the opportunity to have hot lesbian sex with his crush, from within the skin of her incredibly sexy best friend? As depraved as it all had been, curiosity could be used as the most convenient excuse for the whole thing.

Whether it was the lustful, perverted desire to experience feminine things for their own sake, or the illicit, forbidden pull of deception and roleplaying as the girls we’d worn, there was some kind of fetishistic excuse for all of this. But admitting I really wanted to keep being Ashley, and admitting I really wanted Jimmy to know I was the one inside her skin, that took things to a different level. It was almost like admitting it made it more real; and being so honest with myself, and especially with Jimmy, was like a mountain of fear that I wasn’t sure if I could get over.

Standing outside the door to my skin’s apartment, I couldn’t help but feel the nerves reach new heights as I tried to hype myself up. I slapped my cheeks a little, the light sting reminding me I was alive, as I breathed in deeply.

“Okay, I can do this. I just need to be honest about how I feel! Asking him to be my boyfriend… even saying it out loud sounds so unbelievable. He’ll say yes, won’t he? Won’t he…?”

Imagining the level of sadness I might feel if he rejected me gave me pause, before my heart acknowledged the much greater sorrow I would feel if I didn’t even try.

“You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take, right?”

A light, nervous laugh followed, while a part of me still noted how wonderful it felt hearing Ashley’s voice leave my mouth. I knew I had to do this.

I turned the door handle.

The apartment was still bright, now the midday light was flowing down into the space. Some scattered clouds had appeared in the sky earlier that day, and the sunlight was as liable to be covered as it was to shine bright. At the minute the light was somewhere in between, and even though I couldn’t quite tell without peeking through the blinds, I had a feeling that the day would make its decision one way or another soon.

Walking deeper into the apartment, I went to the bedroom, finding Jimmy awake and on his phone. It seemed he was just up, his hair messy from last night’s antics, and despite myself I could feel a twinge in my heart as I saw him, a heaviness there, a budding attraction deeper than surface level. I could tell that if we kept dating, with me in Ashley’s skin, I would fall for him, and I knew he would fall for her too. But would he ever accept me, inside her?

“Hey Ashley!”

He said with a smile, meeting my gaze. There were some nerves in his expression I could see even despite his sunny demeanor, and just having woken up I could tell he wasn’t sure if I was the original Ashley with memories of the date, or if I was still Alex just wearing her.

“Hi babe… last night was really special, you know?”

I smiled bashfully as I slid on the bed to join him, finding his blush so cute as I pulled him in for a kiss. He moaned a little, surprised, yet it was clear how much he was loving the attention from the girl he’d craved for so long.

It seemed like I had butterflies in my stomach from the kiss, a weightless feeling in my head, a slight weakness in my knees, and an immediate wetness forming in my pussy as this body remembered everything we did last night. Our lips breaking apart, I could see his dilated pupils as our faces hovered only inches from each other, and I had a feeling mine were just as wide.

“So, uhh… were you leaving Lisa and Emmy off?”

I knew this was his attempt at being subtle, a way of trying to see who was really behind the pacific blue eyes he couldn’t get enough of. Ashley would have woken up with no trace of her friends, her memories confirming that they’d gone home before she even started on her date.

I felt a temptation to just lie, to throw any pretense of the truth to the side. To act like Ashley would, a deceptively ditzy girl falling in love, act like I didn’t know what he was talking about and pretend to be the original her. Just as soon as the temptation reared its head though, it subsided. A relationship founded on lies like that, even while it would be infused with the twisted excitement of deception and impersonation, would never satisfy a heart that sought genuine connection and love.

If I want a real love, if I want a connection with my real heart, then I need to be honest!

“Yeah… I just dropped them off.”

We stared at each other, not quite knowing what to say, before we both started talking at once.

“Alex-”

“Jimmy, ah-”

We both laughed a little.

“You go!”

“No, no, you first.”

He smiled at me, wanting to hear what I had to say. I was embarrassed to feel as much in my heart as I did, simply being given the courtesy of being able to speak first.

“I… Jimmy, I had a really amazing time last night. Like, really, really amazing, and I’m not really sure how to put it into words, but…”

I could tell I was messing up, the words were flowing out fast but no-where near as eloquently as I wanted them to. Each syllable seemed to stumble out, a rush that was impossible to catch. I took a deep breath, but inside my thoughts were still racing.

Just try to breathe! Take it slowly, just say what you’re feeling, be honest, and then you’ll have no regrets!

My heart racing, nerves sky high, I breathed deeply as I tried to calm down, before my eyes met Jimmy’s and I just said it out loud.

“Jimmy, I… I really, really like you. More than a friend now. I… I don’t know if it’s because of these powers, or because my horizons are widened now, or because I feel so much more comfortable as a girl, but… I want you. I want to be your girlfriend, and I want you to be my boyfriend. I want to share all these intimate moments with you, to go on stupid dates to the cinema, or to restaurants, or picking apples cause its autumn or whatever! I don’t care, as long as we can be together. And I want to keep being Ashley, I know how much you like her, and she’s the one I really, really want to keep being. I promise I’ll be the best Ashley possible, the best girlfriend, the best lover. I… do you feel the same as me? Will you be my boyfriend?”

If my heart had been racing before, somehow it had sped up many times more in the time it took to confess. I felt the rush of blood in my ears, the reckless, terrifying release of honest emotions, and a frightened satisfaction; both a realization of the consequences of what I’d said, as much as a feeling of elation at having been real enough to say it.

I could tell Jimmy was taken aback, his own expression reeling a little, emotions scattered, rushing,