“I can’t accept your feelings… it would be wrong.”

Time seemed to slow down as he said it, a deep, numb surprise colored by disbelief taking my heart.

“Wha- what…?”

I mumbled out, taken aback. Jimmy just looked to the side, uncomfortable, and with a pained expression. This didn’t seem to be easy for him, even while it was heart-wrenching for me.

“It would be wrong. Alex… I’m… I’m sorry. I’ve had an amazing time with you, and with you in Ashley as well I can’t deny that I feel something. But I can’t accept you stealing Ashley’s life. For a day, sure, and maybe even a little longer than that, but… you can’t just become her. She needs to live her own life, and I want to be with the real Ashley!”

Hearing him say that, especially the part about wanting to be with the real Ashley, hit me like a punch to the gut. A cold, uncomfortable spike of pain was thrust through my heart as my brow furrowed, a misery manifesting all over me as my emotional state took an immediate dive.

The sunlight, that had been so bright before, shining into the room, was consumed by cloud as the day outside turned dull and grey. It seemed the weather had finally made up its mind, deciding to match my own angst-ridden mood.

“Jimmy, I… I can be her…”

“No Alex, you can’t. These powers, they’re so amazing, but the temptation to take them too far would corrupt you totally if you stole Ashley’s life. You know her now better than anyone, you’ve been her. You know she’s a sweet, affectionate girl, who could never deserve her life taken from her.”

The pain only seemed to blossom further as he spoke, feeling all the worse because I knew how right he was. Ashley truly was a wonderful young woman, really the last person who might deserve this. It was selfish for me to desire her life. But how cruel the sweetness of desire is when tempered with the knowledge of its cost! It was precisely because Ashley was such a wonderful girl that the life she’d arranged around herself was so beautiful; the attraction I felt to becoming her so informed by the good energy she naturally put out into the world anyway.

“I… you’re right, I don’t know what I was thinking…”

I tried to **** back tears, the greater sensitivity of Ashley’s emotions triggering them, before I pulled my mind out of her personality, feeling the wretched gloom of no longer seeing the world through her spirit. I’d already amended her memories; I only needed to get out of her skin and I would be able to walk away from this.

I slid off the bed, trying to get it done as quickly as possible, knowing how much I craved to stay as Ashley and feeling keenly that if I didn’t get out of her soon, my resolve would break and I would try to stay her forever. The air was cold as always as my real skin was revealed, pulling her pretty face away from mine as I split open the back of her skinsuit and slid my body out. The chill in the air seemed even more pronounced, the emotional impact of everything that was happening making the physical stimuli of going back to myself after being in a skin that much worse. I was so upset I couldn’t even enjoy the sensation of the slimy interior of her suit sliding against my own flesh, so quickly was I out of her.

Paying no heed to being totally naked in front of Jimmy after everything we’d done together, I threw Ashley on the bed and stabbed her with the spines, letting her fill quickly as her soul flew from my fingertips.

“Alex…”

Jimmy started, a pained tone to his voice. Despite this rejection, he was still my best friend, and he did still care about me.

“No, no. It’s okay. You’re right, of course you’re right. I don’t know what came over me. There. She’s full now, she’ll wake up in a few minutes filled with all the happy memories of everything you two did together. You’ll be a really cute couple.”

“Alex. Are you going to be okay? Stay for a minute, let’s talk this out.”

“No, Jimmy, no. I really can’t.”

“Why not?”

“Because…”

“Because what?”

“Because if I stay I’ll try to become her again!”

Jimmy reeled back at the sudden intensity in my voice, as my emotions spilled out in the form of words.

“I… Jimmy, I never thought I’d feel this way if we did all this. I didn’t think the feelings would be so intense! Being Ashley, being a girl, being your girlfriend, it all felt so right! I don’t know if it’s just these powers, this skinwalker side twisting my emotions to make me want to stay in a skin, or what, but… I loved being Ashley way too much to want to stop. You’re right, you’re so right, this is wrong, but I can’t help how I feel. I just need to get away from here and sort my head out!”

“I’ll come with you.”

Jimmy started to stand, wanting to help his best friend who was clearly suffering, only to be pushed back onto the bed by me.

“No. I have to do this alone. This is the most important part for you too! You need to be here for when the real Ashley wakes up. This is the moment when you can really start your relationship.”

“But-”

“But nothing! Don’t let everything we did yesterday be in vain. You can finally have the relationship you always wanted, with the girl of your dreams. I’ll be okay!”

I pleaded with him to stay as I quickly threw my own male clothes on, seeing my words take effect on him. He knew I was right, and knew I was speaking from a genuine place when I told him this was the best way.

I didn’t get a good look at him before I stormed out, too frightened that if I saw Ashley’s naked body beside him, I wouldn’t be able to resist trying to get inside it again; trying to get inside the life I craved so much. My legs carried me beyond the door to Ashley’s apartment, and down onto the street, and the uncertainty of the future…

-

Autumn had fully taken the campus in its grip now, the leaves of the tree lined thoroughfares being fully daubed in shades of orange and yellow and red. Those that had fallen provided their own soundtrack as Jimmy walked to Alex’s apartment, a satisfying crunch that went ignored as he was too lost in thought to really pay much attention to anything around him.

Jimmy was conflicted, perhaps more so than he had ever been before. The last few weeks had been a dream. He was dating Ashley, an unlikely crush turned into a relationship better than any he would have even dreamed of before. As he fell for her more, and was further filled with the dopamine of his deepening love and all the serotonin from their daily sex sessions, he found himself evolving as a person, becoming more confident, happier, more sure of himself. It was like he had so much extra energy for everything, his grades soaring higher even while his social life exploded, being seen as Ashley’s boyfriend opening a million doors he hadn’t even known about before.

All in all, his life had become like something out a fantasy; pure wish fulfillment he might have had gazing out of the window in a boring high-school class, dreaming about a perfect life at university. There was just one thing missing, one key ingredient Jimmy had always assumed would be a constant in his life; Alex. The two hadn’t seen each other since Jimmy had turned down Alex’s feelings, his desire to become Ashley full time.

Jimmy grimaced as he thought about the difficulty in making the decision he’d made. It hadn’t been easy; having your best friend in the body of your crush was something that anyone would find attractive, the true best of both worlds scenario that could never be possible ordinarily. But then again, nothing had really been ordinary; not since Alex revealed he had been given these powers.

It wasn’t like Jimmy couldn’t relate either; it had been a certain kind of embarrassed ecstasy being Lisa, such a forbidden thrill feeling a girl’s most intimate pleasure from within her skin, and a shameless, indulgent rush of deception impersonating her in front of Ashley. Alex had the same freaky gender bender fetish as Jimmy, so he could understand the desire to be Ashley forever. It was only through a great exercise of willpower that Jimmy had been able to reject Alex’s offer, and he felt it was still the right thing to do morally.

That didn’t make it any easier, though.

Alex was still replying to texts at least, even if it was a little sporadic. He was vague enough about what he’d been doing these days, keeping it brief whenever asked, replying that he was doing some soul searching. Jimmy didn’t imagine it was easy; not only was Alex filled with an incredibly tempting power, but his experiences with it thus far had probably opened up some kind of identity issues for him. Really, it would be like that for anyone who’d been given those powers; the idea of having your own cohesive identity became a little harder to fathom when you could try on anyone else’s anytime you liked.

Now standing outside Alex’s apartment for a surprise visit, Jimmy couldn’t help but feel some trepidation. What if Alex really was mad at him, or seeing Jimmy would just made him depressed now?

“I… I have to try.”

His mind made up, Jimmy reached out to touch the buzzer to Alex’s apartment.

“Hey Jimmy.”

His finger hovered, just before the buzzer as he heard the voice behind him. Turning around, he found Alicia standing there with a smile.

“Here to see Alex, I take it…?”

She cocked her head to the side, a warmth in her words and manner that made her easy to trust. Alicia was Alex’s flatmate; a popular blonde girl widely known around campus for being like a genuine ray of sunshine. It wasn’t hard to see why people liked her; she was pretty and sweet, and went above and beyond for her friends and the people around her.

Looking at her now, Jimmy really noticed how cute she was. Alicia was a little similar to Ashley in some ways; both having blonde hair and blue eyes, and a certain summer infused demeanor, but it seemed to manifest in very different ways. Where Ashley exuded a certain kind of beachy, city girl vibe, kind of like a Malibu girl, Alicia was more of a mountains and countryside girl. It was like if Ashley was Southern California, Alicia was more Colorado.

Shaking himself from his reveries, Jimmy replied to her question;

“Yeah, that’s right… I haven’t seen him in a while, so just wanted to check up on him. I’m actually dropping by as a bit of a surprise.

“Ah, sorry, I thought he would have said something…”

Alicia looked a little sheepish, causing Jimmy to raise an eyebrow.

“It’s just, he’s gone traveling for a bit, is all…”

“Really?”

Jimmy felt a miffed, somewhat dejected sadness at hearing that, especially as Alex hadn’t mentioned it to him. It made sense, thinking about it; traveling was really the ideal move for anyone hoping to discover more about themselves, so it wasn’t unexpected Alex would go that route.

“Yeah, well… he’d been feeling kinda down, and just wanted to take a break from everything for a while. I wasn’t really sure what was up with him, he seemed so dejected. Maybe a bad ending to a confession or something? I know he went on a date with Lisa a while ago and he never really mentioned it after, so…”

Alicia looked thoughtful, before continuing.

“… Well, whatever makes him happy. You maybe know better than I would?”

“Yeah, well… I guess it was something like that. Did he mention when we would be back at all?”

“No, he didn’t. I think it’s maybe one of those situations where someone needs to find something inside of themselves first. Well, you can understand how there’s no normal time-frame on something like that.”

A sad feeling sat in Jimmy’s heart as he thought about it, before a kind of acceptance seemed to appear in his expression.

“Okay, well. I’m happy for him. He’s an amazing guy, so I know he’ll be okay. I am sad I didn’t get to see him again, but even if I missed him today, he’ll eventually return. I just hope he finds what he’s looking for out there.”

Alicia smiled at his resolve, coming a little closer and patting him on the arm to comfort him.

“You’re a good friend, Jimmy. I know wherever Alex is, he knows how much you care about him, and he’ll be back eventually.”

“Thanks Alicia. Well, if he comes back any sooner, can you let him know I was looking for him?”

“Of course I will!”

Parting ways, Alicia waved at Jimmy from the door to the apartment building, as he walked off into the deepening twilight. Walking alone through the campus back home, he took the time to reflect on his friendship with Alex, all the good times, appreciating the happy moments.

“Yeah… even if I didn’t get to say goodbye for this time, I’ll be waiting for when you return.”

Finding an acceptance, and a slight closure in his heart, Jimmy walked back to Ashley’s apartment, back for a night of love with his girlfriend.