Epilogue: Lois Lane, The Boss From Hell

"This is a newspaper, dammit! Get me the fucking story or I'll rip off your face and use it as a condom while I fuck my hot pregnant wife!"

Lois Lane stabbed the button that ended the video conferencing call. She knew that she shouldn't get upset with her staff, but she swear they were getting lazier and stupider by the day. It was like none of them even took pride in their work. When she was on streets, chasing a story...

There was a polite knock at the door. Lois growled and raised her head...but the harsh words died in her throat when she saw it was Clark Kent, carrying a fresh boba tea in one hand and a black cardboard box about the size of a shoe box in the other.

"Smallville," she said, and **** the rage back a little. "You're a lifesaver."

Clark smiled, but said nothing—just quietly closed her office door. That was when the dickgirl reporter knew something was up. He looked for a clear spot on Lois Lane's desk to place the tea, and she sighed and reached out. He slid it into her hand.

"I know, I know," she said. "I shouldn't yell. I just get so angry—"

"That's what we need to talk about," Clark said. The tall man stood over the desk, box in hand. He didn't mean to loom, really, but Lois could feel his presence, hovering over her like an angel of destruction. "I think your transformation is affecting you. You need to get help."

"My—" Lois put her hand up to her head. She'd been wearing hats, scarves, all manner of head coverings over the last month to hide the nubby pink horns that not jutted from her forehead. How had he...

"Blaze and I...knew each other. In her old life," Clark said. "When I found out you two were...engaged...I reached out. Just to make sure she wasn't taking advantage of you."

Lois Lane's jaw dropped. "You fucked my Angie?"

The shadow of a grin on his lips. "No. We were bitter enemies."

The dickgirl reporter sank back in her chair and sipped her tea. Somehow, that made it better. She could kind of understand people that had fought against her—before she was "Angie," Blaze had been a Queen of Hell—but the sudden flare of jealousy at the thought that Clark Kent of all people might have railed her was just...

...uncharacteristic.

"Blaze thinks that the energy you're absorbing from her is affecting your judgment. Pushing you to be more emotional, less in control. I've talked with some friends of mine, and they've suggested a course of therapy..."

Lois stared at him. She had never seen Smallville so calm, so self-collected and confident, so...poised. He almost seemed like an entirely different person. On top of that, she couldn't figure out how a mild-mannered reporter like him could end up being one of Blaze's enemies.

"This isn't some Scientology stuff, is it?" Lois asked.

He lowered his glasses and winked at her. A strand of black hair fell across his forehead...and suddenly Lois knew who he was. Who Clark Kent was. Who he had been all along.

"Quite the opposite. The magicians I've contacted all suggest that the issues you're facing come from not being able to control your emotions—the demonic power is heightening your responses, looking for a way out. If you keep up like you do now, one day you're going to lose control—maybe hurt someone. Maybe Blaze."

"No," Lois said quietly. "I won't do that, I love her I...that's why we went to the justice of the peace and...she's three months pregnant, Sup—Smallville."

"Which is why it's important we get it under control now," he said. "Are you willing to do what it takes?"

"Yes," Lois said. "Anything."

He set the box down on top of the papers of Lois Lane's desk.

Setting the tea aside, Lois leaned over and pried off the top.

There were wads of white tissue paper, and laying inside of that...it looked for a moment like a series of black metal wristbands, except they had a slightly curving spine to them. Then Lois saw the lock...and the key...and the little runes etched into every surface.

"Raven and Zatanna put it together, to prevent you from absorbing any more demonic energy," Clark Kent said. "They said if you wear it for a month, it should help you achieve an equilibrium state."

Lois looked up in dread and horror from the mystic cock cage.

"How the hell am I going to explain this to my wife?"

Clark Kent gave a sad smile. "Blaze was the one who suggested it."