Emily to the rescue

"And that should do it." Emily said to herself as she entered the room again, having just finished throwing away the remains of the statue. "Now I just have to play it cool and -"

The woman gasped as she saw John preparing to poke Barbara's areolas, knowing that they were extremely sensitive.

A price to pay for accidentally walking in on her in the bathroom at their apartment.

"Don't touch that!" Emily shrieked, getting the attention of the critics as she slid next to her friend. At the confused looks of the critics, Emily chuckled sheepishly as she cleared her throat. "I, uh... I mean, 'Please don't touch, Sir'. It's very... I guess 'delicate' is the right word."

"Are you the artist, Ma'am?"

"That I am!" Emily exclaimed proudly, "Emily Greene! Anything you'd like to ask about this piece?"

"I apologize for John's actions. My associates and I were wondering what this statue you made was made out of." The female critic said, gesturing to Barbara. "I for one have never seen any clay like this before."

"Oh crap. I did not think this through." Emily thought to herself as she kept the smile on her face. "Oh... Oh! You wanna know what it's made of? Ah, see that's the tricky part, it's... It's, uh... Hodgepodge Art!"

"I sooooooo want to slap you right now." Barbara thought bitterly, resisting the urge to slap herself at that lie.

"I'm sorry, it's what?" John asked, he and his associates looking even more confused.

"Hodgepodge Art." Emily repeated, trying to keep the lie going. "It's... It's an art form of my own design! See, anyone could make a statue out of clay, or wax, or plastic, or whatever. However, it takes a true genius to combine the art forms together in one masterpiece!"

"Oh brother..."

"Hmm, I see..." The older male critic said, scratching his chin. "And what materials did you use in this hodgepodge?"

"Well, the body itself is made of a foam rubber that I heated up to give it a unique skin like appearance." Emily began, lying out of her ass. "Underneath is where the secrets lie. The stomach is composed of classic plastic. The breasts are latex filled with wax -"

"Which you must have overfilled by accident."

"Reginald! That's enough!" The female critic shushed her associate.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Emily asked, confused.

"Well, look at them!" Reginald replied, "They look like you attached beach balls to your work, ruining the illusion!"

"I always thought they looked like coconuts, to be honest." Emily said with a shrug. Knowing that Barbara was giving her a **** glare, she quietly muttered, "I'll explain later."

"So, this new art technique of yours, do you expect it to take off?" The female critic asked. "Once you make it big, I mean."

"Well, one can only hope." Emily replied sheepishly. "Of course, this technique isn't completely flawless. I found in other works I've done that, after a while, it somehow hardens to the point of being like it was made of regular clay. So if any of the big name museum buyers pick this one out, they better have it behind glass. Or perhaps behind a fence so she can breath."

Emily and the critics laughed as Barbara did her best to not roll her eyes in annoyance.

"And speaking of which, the museum buyers will be here any minute." Emily called out, looking at her watch again. "So, if everyone can please make their way towards the auctioning room, we will be begining in an hour. That gives you plenty of time to mingle and mix with one another."

Both women waited until the last critic left before Emily let out a sigh of relief. "That was close."

"No. That was mortifying!" Barbara growled, her face becoming a brilliant shade of red as she turned to face her friend. "Now go and get the real statue!"

"I can't! The auction is gonna start soon!" Emily replied.

"You are not selling my naked ass to a museum, Emily Greene!"

"Of course I'm not!" Emily stated, "Remember the plan? They think they bought you, I make the switch later tonight before they ship the art off, they get the real art and we go home laughing about this. Remember?"

Barbara glared.

"And we split the money fifty-fifty."

Barbara's glare continued.

"55-45?"

Barbara's glare hardened.

"... Ooh! What if I put in a good word for you with that cute neighbor of ours? The one you have a crush on? David, was it?"

"..."

"..."

"..."

"And you pay for the date."

"Deal!"

"And what the hell was that hodgepodge nonsense about?!"

"I had to think of something!" Emily replied, letting out a squeak as she heard footsteps coming down the hall. "Quickly!" She whispered harshly, "Get back into position! The museum buyers are here!"