ENF-097 - MAX

Item #: ENF-097
Object Class: Pink

Containment Procedures: ENF-097's cage is to be kept in a soundproof room on the lower levels of Research Facility 1-B (Zoological Section), accessible only by Dr. Jeanette Bigtits, who is responsible for the specimen's care and feeding. In the unlikely event of an escape, all staff are to be immediately issued with ear protection and armed with big nets for rapid recapture.

Description: ENF-097 is an African grey parrot, of average size, visually indistinguishable from any other of his species. He was recovered in 1993 from a dockside restaurant in Marseilles, France by one of the most decorated agents in Foundation history, Security Commander Tatiana Sexpants (since resigned). His owners nicknamed him "Max", and this has stuck.

He is capable of speaking at least 3000 documented words, more than any other bird on record, and has demonstrated a level of linguistic intelligence far in excess of the average African grey, often communicating in whole sentences. This talent is deployed to mock, belittle and humiliate anyone who comes within range of his cage, making ENF-097 not especially pleasant company. Experiments by Dr. Gwendolyn Spankslave and Research Assistant (First Class) Holly Redbum suggest he may be able to somehow perceive his victims' greatest insecurities, enabling him to more precisely target his insults.

Nicknames granted by ENF-097 have the capacity to "stick", replacing the target's official name in all legal and social capacities. According to Dr. Spankslave, they cannot be removed by any means.

Addendum 097-01: I still think it's worth trying. All I want to do is get about thirty N-class personnel (young women convicted of shoplifting, littering, talking loudly in movie theatres and the like), stand each one naked in front of Max for ten minutes or so and film her reactions while he teases her. Then administer a Class Delta Mnemonic Dehancer and throw her out the door. I don't think you'd see a single blush that was less than 1.5 on the Endicott scale. I know he's just a parrot, but it's the way he says it.