Dustin McGrath. (Rest in Later Chapters.)

Your name is Dustin McGrath, and you are about to die.

You are 22 years old, have just bought your first new car with the inheritance from your late Great-Aunt Sarabeth, and are driving it down a treacherous stretch of Pennsylvania Route 666 heading towards Howe Township.

A few more details need to be mentioned here:
1: It is raining fit to beat the band.
2: It is Halloween 2009, and...
3: The car you are driving is a brand new Toyota Camry.

You Hit the accelerator coming out of a curve and it gets stuck under the floor mat, your attempts to dislodge it only pushing it down further! You try to brake but thanks to the rain hydroplane instead! The car leaves the road at 90, crashes through a young oak tree, and splashes down into the flooded Tionesta Creek!

You are knocked by the impact, but that's a mercy, because one of the oak's branches already pierced your right lung, and you don't feel yourself exsanguinate into the raging torrent of the flooded creak.

You wake into a featureless white room and your whole life so far plays back to you:

Born in Jones County Mississippi on Halloween night, you were a distant descendant of Newton Knight, the legendary leader of the 'Free State of Jones' during the American Civil War. You come from the allegedly 'Pure White' side of the family but when you got a DNA test at the age of 18 you discovered you were roughly 1/64th Southern African genetically, with a bit of Native American, Japanese, and Hebrew mixed in for good measure: not to mention being every kind of caucasian from Scots to Irish and Russian then back around to Italian, Icelandic, and Polish. You broke with the family and moved to Pennsylvania, going to college on a full ride scholarship to the University of Pittsburgh.

You had just gotten a bachelors degree in accounting and passed the CPA test when you got a job offer from the mayor of Howe Township. The interview went swimmingly and you were on your way to move to town and start looking for a house with the rest of Great-Aunt Sarabeth's money when you died.

You've had several girlfriends over the course of your life, but at the time of your were currently between relationships because you had a standing deal with your previous girlfriend that you were "Friends With Benefits" and that ended after graduation. Lacy was an australian exchange student, who was going back to work as an accountant for her father's 20K acre ranch in the outback, while you were going to become an accountant here in the states, so that was the end of things for you. Far more than you realized as it turned out...

After an interminable interval this strange being enters your featureless white space.

The following diagram will help you visualize what I am about to describe:

She, (its obvious that she's not male as she's not wearing any clothes and seems utterly unconcerned with this fact,) has bright blue skin with alternating red and yellow tiger stripes across her body. She has four arms, two wings like a parrot only the size of an eagle's wings scaled up to match a human body, a long serpentine tail that ends in a fluffy ball, and human legs down to the ankle, but bellow that the legs of a snow white cow. Her face has three bright-green eyes, very kissable purple lips, a petite nose with an upturned tip, and two backwards curving black horns like a male sheep, but is permanently illuminated by a halo of bright yellow fire. Her hair is wavy and long, but looks more like ultra fine platinum wire than actual hair, however it bounces and jounces with every motion just like the very healthiest hair you've ever laid eyes on, and yes, the carpet matches the drapes. The last thing to mention is her breasts, which are large but not unhealthily so, and have huge nipples and areola where her blue skin takes on a greenish caste, each with four teats on them...

Then she starts speaking: "So, you're Dustin McGrath. I must say you're a very lucky man Dustin, not many people manage to attract the energy and interest of as many supernatural realms and powers as you have with your spectacular ." The woman explains.

"Huh?" is all you manage, but she seems to ignore you.

From somewhere she has pulled out a clipboard and starts listing off 'points values' for various elements of your life and .

"Knew and honored all of your Ancestors: forty-thousand points. Rejected prejudice and embraced tolerance: ten-thousand points. Attended sunday worship service every week without fail your entire life: eight-thousand-eight points. Died on your Birthday at 22 years old: six-thousand-eighty-four points. Made your nightly prayers five-thousand-seven-hundred-and-sixty days out of your lifetime: five-thousand-seven-hundred-sixty points. Observed all major secular holidays of your nation your whole life without fail: three-thousand-seven-hundred-and-eighteen points. Believed in and practiced the teachings of Jesus of Nazareth: two-thousand-nine points. Stabbed by an Oaken Lance: two-thousand points. Earned a Bachelor's Degree: one-thousand-five-hundred points. Observed all major christian religious holidays without fail your whole life: one-thousand-three-hundred-and-eighty-six points. Killed by a machine: one thousand points. (Said Machine was an Automobile: one-hundred-twenty-one bonus points.) (Said Automobile was a Toyota: seventy-two bonus points.) Died with your boots on: nine-hundred points. (Boots in question were Army Boots: points from the previous award tripled; normal award for "dying with your boots on"; three-hundred points.) Killed in a thunder storm: nine-hundred points. Died on route Six-Sixty-Six: si-" You interrupt at this point.

"Pardon me Ma'am, but what are all these points about?" You ask.

She looks at you coldly and says, "The explanation of what your Karma Points can be used for will be forthcoming after all points are tallied," then launches back into her list.

She Clears her throat then recaps the last interrupted item and continues. "Ahem... Died on route Six-Sixty-Six: six-hundred-sixty-six points. Bled to : five-hundred points. Died while traveling for work: four-hundred-fifty points. Visited three different countries before your : three-hundred points. (Includes visits to Mexico City, the Mayan ruins in the Yucatan, Serpent Mound, The House on the Rock, and The Statue of Liberty: fifty bonus points each.) Lived in two States of the USA in your lifetime: two-hundred points. Lived in four counties: two-hundred points. Lived in five municipalities: one-hundred-twenty-five points. Descended from a famous rebel against an unjust nation within seven generations: twenty points."

She pauses here and you ask a question. "Is that it Ma'am?"

She looks at you and her mouth quirks up in a ghost of a smile. "No Dustin, now we tally your demerits."

"Aw Shoot..." You mutter, but then ask one more question. "Before we start again Ma'am, may I know your name?" You ask.

"You may call me Jexalial." woman says, then goes back to reading.

" a woman on one occasi-"

You Have to interrupt here: "HEY! I never did any such thing!" You exclaim and Jexalial sighs.

"Junior year, you went to that sorority party. Molly Copper got so drunk she was unsteady on her feet so you took her home. You knew she was so drunk she would probably pass out and not remember a thing but you seduced her anyway and had sex with her? In the eyes of the Akashic Records that is a subtype of ," Jexalial Explains.

"Shit...!" You mutter, cursing yourself for your heedlessness and stupidity.

"Ahem... a woman on one occasion: negative-five-thousand points," Jexalial begins again, and you wince, but she just barrels on. "Lied without good cause on over a thousand occasions which caused minimal harm: negative-one-thousand points. Shattered your lord's commandment to "Honor thy Father and thy Mother.": negative-one-thousand points. Used the word 'Nigger' in a pejorative context on seven-hundred-and-eighty-two occasions: negative-seven-hundred-eighty-two points. Stole on five occasions: negative-five-hundred points. Lied in a way that caused significant harm on thirty-three occasions: negative-three-hundred-thirty points. Drank unlawfully on twelve occasions: negative-three-hundred points. Cheated on an exam and/or test on three occasions: negative-one-hundred-fifty points. Drove drunk on one occasion: negative-one-hundred points. Lied in a way that caused permanent harm to an individual once: negative-one-hundred points. Deliberately injured your fellow sapients on nine occasions: negative-ninety points. Mentally cheated on your current Girlfriend on fifty-three occasions: negative-fifty-three points. Interrupted the tallying of points three times: negative-thirty points," she says and you wince again, but wisely keep silent.

"In Total: eighty-five-thousand-two-hundred-sixty-nine points positive plus nine-thousand-three-hundred-thirty-five points negative: Equals a karma budget of seventy-five-thousand-nine-hundred-thirty-four Karma Points," She says, and puts the clip board away to pull out holographic projector.

"Now, because you have gained the attention of not less than four mystical realms you are free to pick your own reincarnation, you can go to any universe, be reborn as anyone: and even have the points to reincarnate as a full adult. Chose wisely," Jexalial Explains.