Down

Azula put the bottle down and stared at the TV screen. Her eyelids were hanging low and her head was swaying. She definitely had had too much.

"Why..." She started but seemed to get lost in her thoughts rather quickly, as she didn't continue and went back to watching the TV.

"Why?" I prompted her to focus on her question again. She turned her head over to me, blinked a few times and turned her head back. How someone could be _this _drunk from only one bottle of wine I didn't understand.

"Why are we like this?" She finally asked, without looking at me.

"We, as in the two of us or?" I asked, not sure what she was getting at.

"Humans. I was born into war. My father was born into war, my grandfather was born into war. And my great-grandfather started it. Nothing but war for a century now." Her tone was still relatively neutral, but it was clear that she was on a downward spiral mentally. "I often wonder, how normal people even deal with this. How they endure all the suffering and ****."

"How did you endure it?" I asked. I would have to think of a way to steer the conversation to something more pleasant. Although in my experience once someone started on this path of thought it was very hard to remove them.

"I'm not a normal person. I'm a monster." Azula said with a joyless laugh. Ah, so it was like that beach episode. Fortunately I had seen this episode enough times and my excessive consumption of movies had provided me with the perfect quote to answer her.

"Monster is a relative term. To a canary, a cat is a monster... ehm." What was the rest of the quote again? Damn, now I had to improvise. "But to me, cats are rather cute." Azula gave me the weirdest look while cocking her head.

"Did you just call me cute or a pussy?" She asked blankly. I felt my head getting hot. I started stammering something unintelligible when I finally remembered the rest of the quote, something which came so surprising to me that I accidentally blurted it out.

"We're just used to being the cat!" This did nothing to alleviate her confusion.

"What... what are you talking about?"

"Right, sorry. What I mean is that I would surely call you a monster if we were enemies, because I would imagine you fight like one. But that doesn't mean that this is all you are or ever will be." I could feel her readying a response but I wasn't going to let her sink further.

"Did you feel like a monster yesterday, when we were online shopping? Did you feel like a monster when you put a blanket over me? Did you feel like a monster, when we kissed?"

"That's different!" She argued, her voice becoming louder this time. "These are just very unusual situations for me."

"Exactly. If all you've ever experienced is war, you didn't get much chances to be anything but a monster. This isn't your fault, this is just the circumstances you grew up with so far."

"So I guess this is my destiny then." She shot back at me. I didn't like arguing with her but it was preferable to her being so down.

"The only person you are destined to become is the person you decide to be." Azula recoiled physically at that, her eyes having sprung wide open.

"It's too late for me. I've known nothing but **** for years now. There is no going back for me." She said, almost petulantly. But I wasn't going to stop now.

"Too late? You've been here for less than two days and already we get along quite well even though we are supposed to be enemies. If you really were a total monster, you wouldn't even have woken me up, you would've killed me in my sleep the moment you entered my house. Or after I tried to fight back, or after one of the times I teased you."

And for the first time, Azula was speechless. She just looked at me like a deer in the headlights with even her mouth hanging slightly open. After shaking her head and trying to start a sentence multiple times, she ultimately found her voice.

"What does it matter? As soon as the lockdown is over, I'll be back to my old life. Back to my old self." She got up, and moved towards the door, swaying slightly from the ****.

"You don't have to. You could always stay here with me." I offered. I didn't really expect her to accept, I felt it was still much too early for that. But the sooner I started offering the sooner she might accept, at least in my mind.

She gave a hollow laugh before turning around to me. "Part of the fire nation army and navy creed is 'duty is heavier than a mountain, **** is lighter than a feather' so no, I cannot simply abandon my duty. "She turned around and went through the door. And I very faintly heard her continue "No matter how much I would like to."