Doug Hoogan [Reverse Psychology]

"Want to know something?"

"What?"

"Since two months ago, there's been a thing."

"Uh-huh," the redheaded girl swished her bangs out of her eye, causing her ponytail to do that little airy whisk. "What kinda thing?"

"A thing."

"Like?"

"Well." Doug pushed forward, fingertips drumming slowly against the other. "How should I put this?"

"You tell me," Ashley laughed.

"I've had sex with about 7 different women. And I was able to get to the action within half an hour of meeting them for the first time." The words seemed to have weighed heavy on his chest. After his declaration, his shoulders rose a bit. His cheeks a bit less sagged. Posture less fetal. Still sucked, though,

"What?" Ashley rolled her eyes. "Cut the shit, man. Hey! Waiter!"

"No," Doug's eyes wandered to his lady friend's chest, for a quick fraction of a second. "I'm for real."

"Yeah, and I'm Queen Elizabeth." Ashley smirked at him as the waiter took their check.

A few minutes later, the pair was strolling outside. Their steps were slightly out of sync. The park was fairly abuzz -- being a somewhat overcast Saturday, families were out playing frisbee. Co-eds lounged in the blades of grass.

"I don't know why it happens. It just... does."

"Sheesh! Doug! You still on this?"

As Ashley kicked back a soccer ball to a grateful group of middle schoolers, Doug shook his head.

"I know, I know," he rubbed his hands together, warming them up, "it's... crazy."

"Bet it's crazy," Ashley mumbled. "...perv."

A hesitant breath seemed to catch him, before he continued. "...you know, Ashley, you look amazing in that."

"What? My puffer jacket?" Ashley did think it look pretty nice, considering she bought it for a fairly hefty price tag.

"Yeah, it looks great on you." He stared at her. "You should keep it on."

"Keep THIS on?" through a hawkish laugh, Ashley's attempt at restraint failed miserably. "It's not like a brand steal or anything, it's just something I literally picked off at the discounted section in Macy's. Well, more like BY the discounted section, but--" She scrunched her button nose. "How long ago was that now..."

"It still looks good on you." Doug proceeded to compliment her fairly comfy but otherwise ordinary puffer jacket. "Like, the way it compliments your face, fits over your torso. You have a real good eye, Ash." The more he went on, the more Ashley felt a building aggravation. "Definitely keep it on, like, all the time, the whole day. I'm just saying, it goes really well with your halter top--"

"Screw you, Doug, I'm TELLING you," a brisk "Ziiiip!" disrupted the casual exchange between the two as the young woman split open the jacket, which had originally been zipped up to just over her chest, "this thing is not that amazing!" Quickly, she shrugged the puffy article off her shoulders, leaving her in her thin, form fitting halter top, and shoved the jacket into Doug's not exactly open hands. "See it for yourself!"

"But--"

"Honestly keep it for the whole day if you like it that much." She didn't even bother to let the sudden stumble her opposite-gendered walking partner and part-time confidant blunder through faze her. Meanwhile, Doug was looking over his shoulder wondering how long that upturned tile of pavement had been there.

It REALLY didn't look that great on me. On the other hand, Ashley was mentally rolling her eyes at the man's remarks on her jacket. I would've put anything else on, or just come out here without it, but it was a little chilly and it was the first thing I saw hanging up there, so....

"...so you know what I was saying earlier?" A few moments had passed, the pair now crouched in front of the park's singular biggest body of water. Other small units of people, family, friends, acquaintances of happenstance, dotted the perimeter surrounding the lake as swans and small fish could be seen paddling across the navy-blue shimmer.

"About putting your selfies up on the Metropolitan Museum?" Ashley took a bite from her granola bar. There was always at least one on her. Doug's eyes fixated downward, onto the glistening valley of her cleavage. Surely had some extra calcium sloshing 'round in there.

"Ha-ha, smarty-pants." Adjusting his position, Doug found his shoe wedged in some cud and grimaced.

"Look, there's a duck."

A quick glance to the big pond revealed an affable goose (who happened to look like a duck) as it made ripples through the surface, acting the part of the frolicking waterfowl. It must not have been keeping up with the stock market. "Oh, neat. By the way, do you want this jacket back?"

Ashley turned over to her friend of a few years. A testy look hewed her eyes. "No," she said, finally. She took another bite out of the granola bar. "I told you already."

"You're right, you did." Doug gestured below. "How about those pants though?"

"Excuse me?" Ashley almost choked mid-swallow.

"I mean, I just really love your fashion sense, Ash!" Doug cradled his knee as he leaned back with his palm planted on the grass, demoting from a squat to sitting because squatting was tiresome. "It's so... efficient, yet flattering. You know?"

"No, Doug, just, no."

"What, you don't think so?"

Wiping her hands clean, Ashley spread the crumbly stragglers of her finished granola bar across the incline of the lake. She stood up, her pants-clad thighs just inches away from the bridge of Doug's nose. "These are literally the pants I always wear, doofus."

"And they look so perfect on you! Like I'm just saying; there's no way you'd diss them like you did this poor puffer jacket. Who's a little good puffer jacket? You're a little good puffer j--"

"THESE shitty black denim jeans, Doug, are absolutely NOT some special find! 'Perfect'? Seriously? Either you're blind or this is the first time you've ever seen clothes. Really, you're just making it sound like I have zero standards at this point."

Doug shrugged as the duck-looking-goose flapped its wings and quacked a few meters away. "I honestly think you should keep wearing them the rest of the week. Definitely keep 'em on for the rest of the day," he chuckled, "unlike this puffer jacket. Who's a little good puffer jacket? You're a good little puffer jacket!"

Ziip.

The sound of a quick, curt zip brought Doug out of his jacket-coddling. The thighs of his friend before him were no longer inside said pants, as Ashley was muttering to herself, hands clutching the crumpled sides of her jeans.

"...not fucking doing this. I am so over these stupid pants." Ashley's hands struggled to push her jeans down. They were a bit of a tight fit. Her halter-top also stopped at just below her bellybutton, leaving her panties, white with yellow lining, to join the other photosynthetic miracles of the earth in absorbing that heavenly sun. "But since YOU love them sooo much, well, guess what. Yes, actually. I think my dime-a-dozen pair of Levi's and that bland puffer jacket deserve each other, and so do you." She finally peeled her pants from her legs. Slinging the last pant leg off her foot, she looked to Doug and threw her jeans in his direction, causing them to drape over his head.

There was a moment of silence before Doug remarked, muffled, "Bit warm."

A few notches of photosynthesis later, Doug and Ashley were in Doug's car, driving down Kellogg Street, radio hooked to bluetooth, windows half-rolled. All that was missing was a coastal breeze. A sunroof would have also been nice, but that car would have required a better salesman at his local dealership.

"Good thing that lady had a towel standing by."

"Shut up." Ashley squirmed. The leather of the seat was a little chilly against her bare ass. Doug was right, though. If it wasn't for grandmas having picnics on midday weekends, she would've been halfway to a cop-car.

"The pants are in the backseat, by the way."

"For the last time, Doug."

"Just reminding you, is all." He let a pedestrian walk past, and drummed his fingers against the steering wheel while slowing to a stop. "Also just reminding you that you better not take any thorough, comprehensive pictures of your current state of dress, either, especially without the towel. Imagine if someone were to find out you were riding in the shotgun of my car like THAT. That would just be," Doug pushed on the gas, blowing past an older gentlemen who was just about to step onto the crosswalk and looking far from spry, "I mean, unthinkable."

"Don't give a shit." His friend had already tossed her towel off her lap, having untied it from the back. She pulled out her phone from the center compartment and set it to its front-facing camera. "I'm recording this." While the phone snapped multiple photos, Ashley making sure to nab one full one as well as one showing her lower half and upper each, and then some other angles, including close-ups of her cleavage, she took a quick look at Doug, her red bangs doing a swish as she did. "For posterity."