Donna, the Queen of the Eighties Elves

Of all the ways that the education system could have failed you, not providing sufficient training in courtly etiquette was not what you were expecting. But based on your personal life experience, one hundred percent of the time that was wasted on essays about A Separate Peace and STD slides from the seventies should have instead been given over to teaching you which things do and which things don't get you beheaded by a slighted Queen. Good work dropping the ball, teachers.

Though, the Queen you're currently attempting not to offend keeps squirreling candy wrappers under her pillow when she thinks you aren't looking, and she won't let up with the finger guns either. So maybe, just maybe, you can take a gamble on informality. "Um...not much. What's up with you?"

Donna all but bursts with delight at that, lifting up onto her knees on the bed as she throws her arms out towards you and Isabelle. "So much! I mean, you're here! Seriously guys, we've been waiting our whole lives for this, for real you guys!"

Rhys isn't quite as outwardly bubbly as his queen, but he's plainly just as excited. "So what happens now? Do you have some...ritual or something you need to do? How do we help!"

Isabelle furrows her brow. "Well, we don't know. We were hoping you'd be able to explain this to us."

The not-so-queenly girl exchanges a quick look with the jean jacket prince, her excited bouncing slowly fading. Then she crosses her arms, indicating you and Isabelle both with a finger. "You're...not part of the Order?"

Guess the jig is up on that one. You shake you head. "Nope. Sorry."

"You don't have some kinda grand magic to work."

"We sure don't."

"You aren't here for her?"

"I have no idea who 'Her' is but that does sound super ominous."

Donna considers that for a long moment, distractedly fiddling with the zipper to her windbreaker. At length, she peers back up at you. "Wait. So...if you aren't part of the Order, does that mean you're part of a new...group? Thing? I don't know the word. Milk...lady...magic...club?"

Isabelle almost breaks out into a nervous giggle at that. "Um, yes. We are definitely a new Milk Lady Magic Club."

The elfy girl surges up from her bed at that, eyes flaring as she tightly grips your shoulders. "Do you have any idea what this means?!"

You quickly shake your head, quite taken aback. "Um, no?"

She suddenly releases you, twirling in a jubilant spin. "It means it doesn't matter that I never got around to memorizing all of the old Rites and Ceremonies~!" She cackles in manic glee, snatching a heavy book up from where it lay half-buried beneath the detritus and debris of her cluttered room. She holds the tome up next to her face, adopting a cartoonishly proper voice. "Madonna you simply must memorize all of the greetings and bows and shit or the Great Mother will be so cross, simply so cross! Haha! Guess not!"

Rhys shrugs sheepishly as the girl flings the book across the room, discus-style. "In Mom's defense, she couldn't have known it would work out this way. Everyone said they'd come for her some day."

Isabelle cuts in at that, latching onto the first bit of non-bizarre information to come out in several minutes. "'Mom'? So does that mean you two are...?"

"Oh yeah!" Donna throws her arm over Rhys's shoulder, throwing up a peace sign as the two strike poses for an imaginary camera and beam at you both. "We're brother and sister!" They hold their stance for a moment, blinking slowly as they apparently wait for some sort of response. When one doesn't appear to be forthcoming, Donna goes in for the kill. "We're twins."

You'll all just be standing here forever if you don't say something. "Um...cool? Good work?"

The twins seem absolutely shocked by your response, though Rhys recovers quicker. "Oh, wait. Donna, remember? That's not that big a deal to humans."

The queen tilts her head at that. "Right! I forgot. Lots of humans have siblings." A thought dawns on her and she grins at you both expectantly. "Do you guys have any?!"

She seems so disappointed when you both shake your heads 'no', you decide to try and offer up a consolation prize. "Um, I have a cousin though?"

If you had any worries that would be a weak solace, they're brushed aside when Donna and Rhys both gasp in delight. The girl grabs your hand. "Omigod, so jealous?! There isn't a single elf with a cousin!"

Ugh, anyone being so excited by Jessie's existence is a fucking tragedy. Isabelle works through that while you do your best to not be annoyed by the idea. "Wait, does that mean you two are the only siblings among all elves?"

"Yuuup~!" Donna seems particularly proud of herself, though you highly doubt she personally had anything to do with the matter. "And twins are extra rare! Not many of those even in the old days!" She takes in Isabelle's and your blank expressions with a bit of a rueful grin. "Right, this is probably all just confusing for you. Want me to explain the whole situation?"

You and Isabelle all but stumble over each other in your eagerness to response. "Yes already!"--"Jesus Christ yes!"

The Queen of the Elves grins at that, popping on a pair of green plastic sunglasses. "Rad."

As soon as the queen has wriggled into a pair of high tops, she parades the four of you out into the majestic hallway that leads to the ancient-looking wooden throne of her station, its majesty only somewhat ruined by the fact that she's apparently using it as a hat rack. "Okay! So, this is our world,"--she holds up one hand--"And this is your world."--she holds up the other. "Now, they are sort of like this most of the time?" She spins her fists around each other, occasionally bopping them together. "But unless something weird happens, they're never like this." She laces her fingers together. "So we're close to each other, and sometimes something can sort of cross over? But for nearly all of the past we've just done our own separate things."

"Now, look here!" The girl indicates the massive tapestries that flank the corridor, depicting what appear to be scenes of various peoples meeting to do...something. It's all a bit too stylized for anything beyond a wild guess. Luckily for you, Donna seems ready to explain. "These are the histories of our people, see? They tell all about the stuff we did in ancient times. Lotta stuff about trees. Lotta stuff about trees."

Rhys offers up a helpful rejoinder. "Our ancestors were super into trees."

Donna points over to her brother, throwing him a laudatory thumbs up. "Well said, Rhys! Anyways, the basic deal is that we kinda lived almost forever, but we more or less couldn't have babies. It was sort of a big deal. I mean, right? The math on that situation ain't so good."

Isabelle puzzles at a tapestry that does, true to Rhys's point, seem to mostly be about how great trees are. "But you two weren't around for this? How old are you?" She blinks, flushing a little. "Um, sorry; is that rude?"

Rhys waves his hand dismissively. "No no, it's fine. I mean, we pretty much look young forever, so it's not a big deal for us."

"That's right!" Donna drapes her arms behind her head, popping her hips from side to side. "We might look like supple young hotties, but we could actually be a couple of grandmas and grandpas!"

Her brother nods. "Though actually, I think we're about the same age."

"Anyway, for years and years and years, like for all of those tapestries,"--Donna sweeps her hand to indicate one whole side of the room--"We pretty much just went around loving trees and slowly dying off. But then! Then, someone did a thing, and our worlds were suddenly--!" She laces her fingers together dramatically. "And that's when we first made real contact with you guys! Or rather, the earliest version of you guys. By 'You Guys' I mean, like, your whole Milk Lady Magic Club thing. Am I being clear on that? Honestly I bet this was covered way better in those ceremonies I never learned, but hey. No Regrets."

You can't help being entertained by the spirited girl, poor exposition delivery or no. "It's cool."

"Thanks babe!" She spins around to indicate a tapestry that seems like it might be showing the meeting between ancient elves and ancient humans, some sort of...something being passed between them. "So simple version, we made a team up! We helped you guys work out the kinks in your magic and agreed to have your back, and you guys helped us out with our baby problem and gave us the low-down on all the great stuff in your way cooler world! Our ancestors pretty much immediately realized trees weren't the greatest after that meeting. See?"

She indicates a tapestry that seems to show an bunch of elves reconsidering some standoffish trees, Rhys humming in agreement. "Yeah. I mean, I like trees? But I don't like-like trees."

Donna nods in agreement, moving forward to the tapestries nearest the throne. "So for a long time, you guys would pop in every few decades to do some rituals, share whatever was new with your world, and help anyone who wanted to be preggers get preggers. But then, gasp!" She flings her arms towards a particularly grim looking but still way too stylized tapestry. "You guys are no shows! For, like, hundreds of years! And we're all over here dwindling away again, in some super outdated clothes, with a bunch of trees that it was totally awkward with now!"

Rhys makes his way to the throne, thoughtfully placing his hand on a bust of a radiant-looking elven woman that rests beside it. "By the time Mom took the throne, we'd more or less died out."

"But suddenly!"--Donna empathically laces her fingers together again--"And just like that, we were back in business and with the times! And thank Bell, because I tried on one of Mom's Old Times outfits once? Itchy old wool sucks balls compared to spandex."

Okay, so at least now you have an answer as to why everyone dresses like an extra from an episode of Saved by the Bell. The elves seem to glom on to human culture with a powerful thirst, and the last time your worlds crossed was sometime in the Eighties. Though wait, does that makes sense? Isabelle gets there before you do. "But if our predecessors had started crossing over again, why do you guys...still dress like that?"

Donna looks down at herself, then looks back up with an expression of puppyish distress. "Is...is this not cool? You're dressed like me; people still dress like this, don't they?! I look good, right?!"

Isabelle quickly throws up her hands, trying to soothe the queen before she breaks out into panic. "You do; you totally do! Honestly this sort of stuff is back in style, but...I mean, the Eighties were forty years ago. I'm not saying you don't look great, but did you just not want to update or something?"

The elf girl makes a non-committal noise, shifting around in the windbreaker she no longer seems fully comfortable with. Rhys opts to answer in her stead. "Well, the exchange went on for about ten years, and then the worlds uncrossed. Which everyone figured was fine, because that's how it worked in ancient times: we'd meet up, split for a while, and then meet up again later. And she did come back, just before we were born. But...well, the crossing didn't last very long."

Huh. "What happened?"

Donna rejoins the conversation, having surreptitiously stuffed her now-offending windbreaker under the throne. "If anyone could tell you, it would be her. Want to go ask?"

You and Isabelle share a long look, then hesitantly nod. Because while this has all gone pretty well so far? Your original instincts were probably right. This 'Her' business is ominous as fuck.