Discussion with Kaylee

I woke with a sharp intake of air, taking a second to remember where I was. Heat radiated against my left side as a naked Kayla slept against me. Her breasts pushed against my arm, head resting against me. An arm draped over my chest as if trying to hold me in place.

Oh right. That happened. I wasn’t sure how I ended up under covers though, or with Kayla snuggled against me.

Without the overpowering lust bashing at my head and dulling reason, fear and guilt filled the void it left. The hell had I been thinking? Beyond that, what the hell had Kaylee been thinking? I owned my actions here. I could have stopped at any point and I chose to continue, but having Kaylee cheerleader the entire thing was my main source of conflict. I was confident that I would have never slept with Kayla otherwise—no matter how attractive she was.

A glance around the room confirmed that it was just me and the sleeping woman beside me. Carefully, I wiggled myself out of Kayla’s grasp and managed to slide out of bed without disturbing her. Seeing that she was going to continue to sleep, I dressed as fast as my woozy senses would let me. This was a weird experience for me that caused a pang of guilt. I hated to just leave, but I needed to find Kaylee. I wanted to know what the hell this was all about.

Stuffing my feet back into the painfully stiff shoes, I tied them off and debated where I should look for Kaylee first. I didn’t have a mirror, but I was probably a disheveled mess. Definitely wasn’t going to head back downstairs unless I absolutely had to. I was about to peek into the hallway when I saw movement in the window. Outside, Kaylee was leaning against the stone railing looking out into the yard. I’d completely forgotten that was an option as I moved around the bed towards the door leading outside. She must have taken a coat from Kayla’s closet, because it was different than the one she came in with. She turned as I stepped out onto the balcony, closing the glass door behind me. It was a lot larger than I expected, running down the side of the mansion to connect several other doors. Kaylee hit me with a smile that only increased my guilt, rather than relieve it.

Jesus it was cold.

“Prince Charming awakens from his slumber.” I blushed, holding my arms close to the chest against the cold. From her rosy cheeks, she’d been out here a bit. It made me wonder how long my nap had been. Not saying anything, I stood beside her and looked out into the distance. The grounds were meticulously kept. Had it been spring or summer, the garden would probably be a sight to behold. As it was, most of the plants were nothing but skeletal remains sleeping out the cold winter. “You okay?” she asked softly, breaking a long silence between us.

I didn’t look at her as I spoke. “This was not how I pictured today going.”

“But you enjoyed it.” A statement, not a question. Glancing over, I found her giving me a cocky grin. Her eyes dared me to deny it, and I found I couldn’t. I had enjoyed it—in the moment. It was impossible not to. Now, I wasn’t so sure. True enjoyment was something you didn’t feel shitty about once the present faded into the past. My feelings on the subject were relatively minor when compared to the sheer enigma this situation was.

“Why?”

She shook her head. “I’m not going to answer until you confirm it.”

“Confirm what?”

“That you enjoyed it.”

She was stubborn over the weirdest things. I sighed. “I think I did.”

“Not the time for wishy-washy answers. You either enjoyed it, or you didn’t.”

I frowned. “Fine. I enjoyed it. It wasn’t—”

Her hand stopped me as she held it up. “You don’t need to soothe my ego by saying I’m better or anything like that. I’m not insecure about my boyfriend sleeping with other girls.” I couldn’t help but feel that was a jab at me. She gave me a hip bump and a smile to show she was teasing me. “But,” she said, dragging the word out. “Since this is a special occasion for you, I’m curious. How was it?”

I thought for a moment. That was a surprisingly hard question to answer. “Different.”

She quirked her eyebrow. “Oh? Was it better or worse than with me?”

Fidgeting under her curious gaze, I looked away. “It wasn’t—” I stopped myself. “I don’t know how to answer that. It was just… different.”

Kaylee was silent for a moment. “Did you fall in love with her?”

“What? No!” I was insulted she even asked that.

Kaylee faced me, looking resolute. “Really? You don’t want to break up with me?”

“Of course not.”

“Why not?”

No idea where she was going with this. As smart as she was, these were incredibly dumb questions. The answer was simple: Kayla wasn’t, and never would be, Kaylee.

“It was only se—” I stopped myself, realizing what she had been leading me towards. Her smile was someone who had set up an elaborate trap and was pleased to watch their efforts rewarded.

“‘Only sex,’” she finished for me. “Nothing special. Just an enjoyable experience without any deeper meaning.” I knew immediately that this was no longer about me. “Casual fun. A different experience.”

“Stop. I get it.”

“Do you?” There was no harshness in her voice, but it was clear that she was stressing this. “Because this is important, Scott.”

“Is that why you set this up?”

“Partially. I never expected you to drink so much.” I shook my head and she gave me a nervous look. “Are you mad?”

“I’m confused why you didn’t just talk to me about this. There was no need to go through all this.”

She sighed, a plume of white reminding me how cold was jabbing at my skin. “Honestly, I was coming up a blank on how to address this growing problem of ours—and don’t pretend you don’t know which one I’m talking about,” she said, narrowing her eyes. “Talking wasn’t getting through to you. No matter how many times I told you it didn’t matter, or that I enjoy having sex with you, nothing seemed to get through to you.”

“And how does me having sex with Kayla solve that?” I asked as I rubbed at my arms. The cold was biting, causing me to shiver.

Kaylee moved a bit closer, wrapping her arms around me as she tilted her head up. “This was less about solving things and more about understanding.” I frowned, waiting for her to continue. “First off, ,” she said with a small smile. “You need to be more confident of your bedroom skills. I’ll admit that Kayla is an easy girl to please, but damn you did a number on her. You know firsthand I’m a hard girl to please. While I appreciate your effort to meet my demands, you have to understand that you aren’t always going to meet them. Few guys do. Most importantly, that’s okay. I know that isn’t what you want to hear, but I’m not going to let you tear yourself apart on something trivial.”

“Trivial? How is that trivial?” I huffed. “I know how important sex is to you.”

“You make it sound like I’m a sex-crazed junkie.” I said nothing, staring at her. She frowned, giving me a playful punch in the chest. “Asshole. But seriously. If this is going to work, you’re going to have to accept that. This isn’t some shortcoming on your part. It’s just how I am.”

Not sure how I was going to process that. I wasn’t convinced that it was a lost cause as she seemed to think, but I did see I was getting a tad bit obsessive about it. Of course, knowing something was a problem and working to fix it were different things and I didn’t have an idea how I was going to move forward on that. Something to think about later.

“The second reason why I wanted you to do this was to understand the difference between sex with someone else and sex with someone you care about. Until now, you’ve only done it with me and that comes with all the emotions and feelings we have for each other. Doesn’t matter if we are making love or simply having sex, those feelings aren’t going away. But with someone else, those are absent—or at least diminished. You can still care about someone without loving them.” She rubbed at my arms, eyes down at my chest. “So when I am with another guy, you need to understand that I may be enjoying myself, but that doesn’t mean it’s the same as with you. I don’t form attachments easily, and I do everything I can to keep things strictly on the act.” Her hands found mine. “I never kiss guys outside of sex, and even then I limit it as much as possible. I don’t really cuddle after. No pillow talk. Just sex. If I sense a guy wants something more, or is developing strong feelings towards me, I move on.”

“What about girls?” I asked through chattering teeth. We were going to need to head inside soon or I was going to turn into an ice sculpture. She tilted her head. “You don’t kiss guys outside of sex, but you and Kayla…”

The blush hit her entire face, turning her already rosy cheeks even more red. “That—Uh… Sorry,” she said, not meeting my eye. “Kayla and I have—had—a thing.”

“That was obvious.”

“She was my first. Well, first girl. It was her that made me realize I liked girls as much as guys. We uh… did a lot of stuff together. I know it’s weird since we’re cousins but—”

“You have the weirdest habit of freaking out about the most random of things.”

She breathed out. “You’re the only one I’ve told about Kayla and me—in the context of us being cousins that is. Ryan knows, which is why he is so fucking obsessed with getting in my pants.” She shivered.

“To be honest, I don’t know how to feel about that one.” Kaylee eyed me, waiting for me to continue. “The kiss was hot, but seeing you kiss someone else—even another girl—is a bit…”

Standing on her toes, she kissed me. Her lips were wonderfully warm compared to the cold air around us. When we finally separated, we were both equally breathless. “You’re the only one I’ll ever kiss like that.”

I sighed. “Makes me feel terrible considering I was practically making out with her the whole time.”

“Which brings me to the third reason why I wanted this to happen. I needed to watch you with another woman.” I perked up, ignoring the numbness I was feeling to focus in on her words. “I’ll admit, I was a bit jealous at first, but seeing how you took charge and enjoying yourself brushed that all away. I’m glad you enjoyed having sex with Kayla. I’m sure there will be many more in the future.” I squirmed a bit as she continued. “That said, I also understand a bit about how you felt watching me with another guy. Your reactions… make a bit more sense to me now.

“I know that this isn’t going to clear everything up instantly, but I hope you can understand me a little more. I’m not pretending to enjoy things with you to spare your feelings. Most importantly, I dislike attachments—excluding you, of course. I know I can’t tell you not to feel jealous, but I hope you can understand that there is a difference between when I’m with you and when I’m with someone else.”

I nodded. By now, I was a shivering mess. Pretty sure my brain was growing numb from the cold. It made it hard to think. What I did know was that I did understand Kaylee a bit more now. Whether or not this was the best way to go about it was still up in the air.

Blowing out a long breath, Kaylee grabbed me by the arm and dragged me towards the door. “Come on. Let’s get you inside before you freeze.”