Department Studies

Tatiana looked out of the window. She notes that the weather was reflecting her dark mood. A breath of exasperation seeped through her lips. She glanced down to make sure her pierogi were not sticking together. The amount cooked would have been perfect for two. She knew that half of them were going in the fridge tonight. The reason could not have depressed her more.

She bemoaned why her husband had gone for the night. He had called earlier, panicked, and told her that the office was having a technical meltdown and he would not be home tonight. She suspected that this emergency might stretch several days as well. She hoped that she would have some quality time to decompress with him. Her job certainly did not.

Working at a university sounded more relaxing than the cutthroat politics of the private sector. However, there were plenty of politics abound. Some of it was not even that subtle. The current headache was deciding who would get tenure after Dr. Haywood retired. She liked Dr. Haywood. She preferred him to be at his post for another five years. However, he stated that he was retiring after the next semester. His reasoning? That he felt the quality of the lectures and knowledge imparted was decreasing. She thought that he could go for several more years.

While he had not yet handed in his retirement letter, she was sure it would come after his conference. She had to figure out who would get the new tenure position. Of all the associate professors that were there, none filled the position’s needs. None had prestigious research going on nor books to be published. However, she could not offer it to people outside the university since Dr. Haywood was one of the in-house tenure positions. Whoever thought of such an idea should have been shot. Most of her headaches would be gone if there happened to be a younger version of Dr. Haywood in the wings.

She had looked at his record before he got tenure. He was a prolific researcher and writer. He was published in Social Forces and in Political Geography, prestigious in history circles, to name just a few. He continued being in various journals during his long career. There were also several books he published for a mass consumer market. It was no wonder he had gotten tenure for that. It did not hurt that he was a much more engaging speaker than many professors she knew.

Of course, the humanities often got shafted when it came to funding. That is why Dr. Haywood was the only tenure position in the history department. If she did not find a name to give that was satisfactory to the university board, they might decide to give the in-house tenure to another department. Knowing them, they put it into the Economics department, treating it like it was a science rather than the humanities it was. That would leave no permanent position for history, leaving it to associate professors who come and go more readily than one would think.

She clapped her hands to her face. That is enough worrying about the future and work. She needed to stop and take a breath away from what troubled her. This weekend was supposed to be a relaxing mental break away from her worries. They will not plague her anymore. Resolutely, she drains the pot of water and scoops the steaming pierogi onto a plate.

She contemplated what to do now she knew she had the house to herself. She could catch up on some of her reading. Swiftly she moved to a stack of various magazines and novels. Scooping several books and magazines, she returned to the table and deposited them on the table. As she sat down and started moving pierogi onto her plate, she looked at the stack she had brought to the table. Where to start? She could go with the periodicals. Or engage with a good novel. Then there was that history of chess she wanted to get through. Fall into a mystery with Agatha Christie?

Her eyes stopped on an unfamiliar pink booklet under her copy of A Body in the Library. Well, that’s new. She gently tugged it out to see what the title was. Harem Hotel Rules? Did her husband buy this? She smiled at that thought. That was sweet of him if it was so. She decided to look through it. It probably was a parody book, and it would not take much time to get through it. After that, she should read Christie.

With that in mind, she slowly leafed through the booklet as she started on the pierogi. The book was about some hotel show. It had hilarious rules about the conduct of the contestants. As far as she could see, it was a parody of a reality tv show. This booklet was like the book for taking care of a pet rock. It treated its subject with a straightforwardness that made it hilarious. She noted her improved mood as she finished the booklet.

Then she noticed her pierogi was doing something unusual. They were steaming more now than when she took them straight out of the pot. She would have thought that they would have stopped doing that by now. She picked up the plate to see what the heck was going on. A stream of steam suddenly enveloped her and the room. When it cleared a few seconds later, nothing was left to indicate that she was ever in the room.

A bellowing mist started to engulf the stage. Thomas was apprehensive about who was going to appear on that stage. After it cleared out, a woman stood there with a plate of pierogi in both hands. Thomas groaned at the revealing of the woman. It was his department chair.

The woman startled at her surroundings and glanced around before locking her sky-blue eyes with Thomas. Long straight dirty blond hair hung in a ponytail and wildly swung as she started at what she saw. She quickly rebalanced herself so the pierogi in her hands did not come crashing down. She was surprisingly slim, considering she occupied a mostly sedentary academic role. The notable exception to her figure was her breasts. They were two great melons contained in a sports bra most days. Thomas could easily image her as an athlete as she was close to six feet tall. She was wearing a light green dress that swished about her.

She took a moment to absorb what she saw and asked, “Doctor Haywood, what is the meaning of this? How did I get here? Who is that woman next to you?”

“Tatiana, if I knew the answer to those questions, I would have stopped this farce a while ago. It seems you are in here for the long haul.” Thomas resignedly said.

Justine chimed, “While I approve of the Tet on Tet you are having, I would like Mrs. Popov to give a formal introduction to the lovely audience of Harem Hotel. Name, age, how you know the master and …”

She turned to Thomas, “How about you ask a personal question, Doc? Ask anything you want. Oh, Mrs. Popov, Doc, I do have a name. It’s Justine.”

Thomas paused before asking, “What is your favorite color?”

Tatiana went to cross her arms before remembering she was holding plates of pierogi.

She settled for a glare and defiance, “Why should I answer any of those questions? What with the master shtick?”

“Please, Tatiana, you don’t want to get her mad. I don’t fully get what the master does either.”

Tatiana considered her options. Whatever happened, it was the result of a process she did not understand. She spied the other two women. One was drunk, and the other was crying. Did they do something for that other woman to be crying? It was possible. Combine that with the name the lady in red said, and there was one conclusion she could make. That booklet was not a parody or joke.

“Well, I take your word. I still like to know how I got here.” Tatiana paused before monotoning, “I am Mrs. Tatiana Popov. I am thirty-two. I am the department head of history at the University of Deneri. Doctor Haywood is in my department. I am wearing my favorite color.”

“Adequate, I suppose. Really Doc, I thought you would ask a more juice question. Get the viewers' blood flowing. That was a lily liver question. I ask you to give them a more interesting question next time.” Justine admonished.

She turned to Tatiana, “You can go and take a seat.”

Tatiana glanced at Thomas, stepped down from the stage, and decided to sit next to the flight attendant. Still having the plate of pierogi, she offered some to the two women beside her. Both of them hesitated for a moment before accepting a pierogi from her.

“Justin, darling, could you bring me one.” Justine cooed.

The butler appeared next to Tatiana. He carefully set down a tv dinner table and grabbed the plates of pierogi from Tatiana. He set one down on the table. The other one he brought to the sofa.

“Thank you, dear. You can put it here.” Justine indicated the arm of the sofa.

As he did so, Justine turned her attention back to Thomas. Thomas glanced at the others and felt good that there was some food for the women to feed on. Hopefully, it distracted them from this situation for a bit.

“Well, it is always nice when a contestant shows up with some intermission snacks. But we are not quite at our ad break yet. There is one more person before we head for the commercial.” Justine enthused.

She waved a hand about, “We got a feisty number coming up. And our master has spent much time with this person's thoughts. Parachuting in we have …”