Day Seven

Kaylee had a natural ability to act. I knew that already. She went through the day like any other. If anything was weighing on her, she wasn’t showing it. Her carefree attitude was infectious. A few hours on the slopes and I’d forgotten all about the past two days. I think that’s what ultimately made my decision. I knew I was making a terrible mistake, but I felt like this was only going to fester if we ignored it. I needed answers.

Riding up the lift, the sun setting in the distance, I looked over at her. “Kaylee?”

“Hmm?” she asked, sniffing and rubbing her red nose. I felt queasy, my heart puttering as I stared at her. I had been so ready, but the words didn’t come to me. Her smile turned into confusion as she tilted her head. “What’s up?”

“Do you want to sleep with those guys again?”

My question took her by surprise. Staring at me, she blinked a few times before answering. Like the thought was farthest from her mind at the moment. Weird, since that was all I could think about. “I suppose it depends.”

“Depends?”

A single nod answered. “Are you going to watch?”

“If I said no?”

“Then that’s my answer.” When I didn’t say anything, she continued. “You seem surprised.”

“Wasn’t expecting you to say no.”

“To be honest, neither of them was that good. Of course, it could have been the location and the whole thing being spur-of-the-moment, but I thought for sure two guys would have been able to make me cum at least once. I wasn’t even close until…” Her cheeks reddened as her eyes held mine. “Well, until you got me there,” she said softly reaching over to grab my hand. It was awkward with our bulky gloves, but the sentiment was there. I looked forward, unable to continue looking at her bashful expression. My heart was already racing as it was without more fuel.

The lift slowed to a stop, our chair swaying slightly in the chill wind. I chewed at my lip, trying to navigate the maze of thoughts that filled my mind.

She let out a slow breath and I felt her hand tighten over mine. “Scott, I need you to be honest with me. Really honest.” When I looked over at her, she was staring at me. “Do you like watching me have sex with other people?” I opened my mouth to answer but hesitated when I saw her eyes narrow slightly—as if she already saw the lie coming. The silence continued even as the lift started moving again. I was the one stuck. Stuck between not wanting to lie and refusing to believe the truth. In a way, I could answer it honestly. No, I didn’t like watching Kaylee have sex. The problem was it excited me. The disconnect made me feel like a hypocrite. Wanting her all to myself, yet enjoying the sight of her having fun with another guy. It pissed me off, yet I couldn’t say no.

This lie our relationship was based around was starting to unravel things between us. One reason this was driving me crazy was because I was never an option. This wasn’t Kaylee picking another guy over me, it was Kaylee thinking the only choice she had was other guys. The other night had only made things worse. It was no wonder she was so insistent on me watching her with other guys. It was the only thing she knew got me going. In a twisted way, she thought having me watch her with other guys was her way of getting a shot to be with me.

Her voice was soft as she tried to coax an answer out of me. “You know you can be honest with me, right? Whatever you like… I won’t judge or think less of you.” I wanted to say something, to answer her sincerity with my own, but my voice never found me. I didn’t want to lie to her, but I couldn’t be honest with her. Maybe it excited me, but this wasn’t what I was looking for our relationship to be. I couldn’t stand the feeling that she was picking another guy over me even if I knew that was the farthest thing in her mind. Maybe things would have been different if Kaylee and I had that too, but as long as this damn secret of mine hung over us, I would always feel insecure that I couldn’t be the guy she came to for everything.

We were approaching the top when it became clear I wasn’t going to answer either of her questions. The soft expression she had morphed into a determined one. “Scott, I think we should do it again.” I met her blue eyes, saying nothing as she continued. “And I want you to do more than watch. I want you to tell me what to do—like you did with Adam.”

“Kaylee—”

“Whatever you want, I’ll do,” she pressed. “I know you don’t have much interest, but you know how much I love sex. I want you to be a part of this too.” She paused for a few seconds. “Please?” I could see the desire in her eyes as she looked at me. I don’t know if she was expecting another repeat of the night in the pool or if this was something else.

Clenching my teeth together, I managed to nod.