Danny Smalls, Stanford University

Danny still couldn't believe that he got accepted to Stanford. Sure, he was practically guaranteed to get in, between his perfect scores on the SAT and the ACT and being valedictorian in high school, but still, Stanford! One of the finest colleges in the country, with a killer med school, and, best of all, a thousand miles away from boring old Topeka Kansas.

Admittedly, it's not quite perfect. He spent his last dime on plane fare out here, so if he loses his scholarships, he's toast, but as brilliant as he is, there's no way that's happening. Right?

There's also the fact that 29% of Stanford's student body and a whopping 73% of the tenured professors are futa. Danny's heard some sketchy stories about hazing and harassment, but he's sure those are just rumors. Besides, it's not like any futa would be interested in his scrawny, 5'2 body, not with all the ridiculously hot California girls around. He just hopes there'll be a girl interested in dating him. It'd be nice to lose his virginity in college.