Cozy Cabin Getaway Ch09

“Is it weird that I’m having fantasies about all those cartoons you showed me with naked people in kitchens?” Riley whispers to Michelle.

Morning has passed interminably slowly and it’s now lunchtime. They’re cooking together in the kitchen: Michelle skillfully flips grilled cheese sandwiches in the skillet while Riley watches over the tomato soup.

Michelle brought a truly irresponsible amount of wine, probably in anticipation of exactly this much misery, and Mary has been drinking steadily.

“OK, I don’t like how you’re characterizing that,” Michelle murmurs back. Mary is just a few feet away at the little bar stools by the counter, glumly reading a book while nursing her tenth or twentieth glass of wine. “And yes. It’s weird. This is the least sexy situation ever.”

“Actually it’s like a whole thing in our family. We all get horny when we’re stressed.”

“Will you lower your voice? And I don’t believe you.”

“No. It’s true. I know from experience, and I remember when Kayla was worried about the ACT she kept sneaking out and I caught her twice in the back of Danny Elder’s car. And after Mom kicked Dad out suddenly me and Kayla couldn’t find any batteries in the house.”

“Was she not getting any?” Michelle warns.

“She hadn’t been getting any for years. But it’s the stress thing. I’m telling you.”

“You’re telling me your family’s even weirder than I thought.”

“We’re cute, quirky, manic pixie or whatever.”

“Are you thinking that’s attractive?”

“I’m super attractive. I’m even wearing a bra.”

“I noticed that,” Michelle replies. “What’s the occasion?”

“Ultimate self-consciousness. May I say that you look fetching in those leggings and… uh…” Riley trails off, frowning as she looks over at Michelle. “That weird-ass cartoon shirt.”

“Rugrats!”

They both jump at Mary’s outburst. Mary pinches the bridge of her nose.

“It’s Rugrats, Riley. Her shirt is Rugrats. And you would know what that was if you were our age.”

“Our age? Hey now,” Michelle says, bristling.

“What were you doing in 03, Michelle?” Mary snaps.

Michelle blanches.

“Yeah. While you were giving your boyfriend a handjob in the back of the theater at Daredevil, my daughter was being born.”

“It wasn’t Daredevil,” Michelle replies huffily. “It was that shitty Matrix sequel. And we were just making out.”

“Yeah. You were already on your way to womanhood making out with a guy and Riley was making out with this,” Mary says, gesturing clumsily toward her substantial chest and nearly spilling her wine.

“And just like that we get from very offensive to very weird,” Kayla says from the sofa, where she’s lying upside-down with her legs thrown over the back.

“Was that a reference to your tits?” Michelle asks, lost.

“Yes,” Riley and Kayla say in unison.

Mary downs her wine with a scowl. “You’re burning the sandwiches.”